Every time I try to talk to my husband about the way his treatment of me affects me, or if I tell him I do not agree with the way he is proceeding in his relationship regarding his ex mistress and the child that resulted. That the way he is choosing to pursue is hurtful to me- or may need to be reassessed or at least discussed until we reach an agreement, he falls into a deep depression. He’ll sleep all the rest of that day of Will silk for days afterward. This makes me feel so horrible! Like I’m crushing his soul because he wants things the way he wants them, and I represent the reasons why it can’t be “simple” How can it be? Just because the other woman is ok with this ridiculousness does not mean I am- nor should I be! It was his choice to come back to me and stay with our family too. I did not drag him into it, I still do not. Sometimes I don’t even know why the hell he stays... I just hate feeling like I AM the obstacle to his happiness!I already feel like I am no longer loved or respected by him, but to feel like if I would just agree to let him play “daddy” with his affair partner and their baby, everything would be great? How much more am I to endure? Goodness- does he not think I realize the gravity of what he must give up in order to stay married? But I still feel he does not appreciate the gravity of what I sacrifice- my peace of mind, my trust, the tainting of our over 20 year relationship that by BOTH accounts wasn’t unhappy? All of that is gone for me. That is the price I have to pay. I haven’t even restricted access to the child but I resent that he keeps regular contact with that woman. He affords her more respect than I get- entirely more than she deserves! Will he ever come to his senses? Will I always be blamed as the reason out marriage will fail, because I can’t accept that part of his life? Am I crazy or does that sound like I’m taking the blame for why it can’t work? Because that’s how it sounds to me.. anyway- having a shovel load today- feels like the handle is gonna break ... #CheckInWithMe #feelingguilty #Feelliketheworstpersonever #failure