four

Good Morning 💙
I am new to The Mighty and to this group. I am learning I may be dealing with #CPTSD . I have navigated my marriage falling apart (a 22 year relationship with two young daughters) psychological abuse and some physical and now my husband (legally) has a meth addiction. I got and then lost my dream job along with the people there that had become family. And most recently went through a new relationship and then horrible break up. I'm even embarrassed to say I haven't been able to handle the break up because I'm 48 and it seems ridiculous (that's what my mind says) The way it happened was the most hurtful part and the things that were said to me as well.

I have years of experience with therapy and other wellness techniques. I'm actually known in my friend circles as being someone to go to for Help and also strength. However...my normal techniques to "bring myself back" just don't seem to be working. I did go through about two months of suicidal thoughts since this break up...but I seem to be pulling out of that. I have had extreme anxiety and been managing that with #four square breathing and also small doses of Ativan here and there. I've been caring for my Mom who had open heart surgery in March. I had to move from my home in May and everything I own is in storage. I've been doing therapy a touch...but my daughter is having some huge issues and I've mostly been focusing on her therapy and trying to get her the support she needs.

I'm normally a much better writer and I know these thoughts are disorganized. I guess maybe that's a good indication of the condition of my mind.

I'm reaching out here because I know that the CPTSD symptoms have taken over and it is beyond my ability to manage them.

I do have some support networks. Friends I talk with from time to time (but never want to burden them too much)

I did reach out a few times when I was feeling suicidal but my X boyfriend said I should follow through with my threats. Twice he said I should kill myself. And that I was attention seeking.

I am currently not on a daily maintenance med...formerly on Prozac. Didn't really want to take that route but not sure if I need to now.

I do try to do some things for myself. I have had training in Sound Healing...with an amazing teacher. Using drumming to manage symptoms. Deep breathing...relaxation techniques etc. I love it and promote it everywhere...hosted a few events myself etc.

I can't seem to go anywhere without these extra thoughts. Intrusive, rude thoughts. They won't leave me alone. And I've about had it with them.

I'm hoping to learn from others here about some CPTSD treatments that have worked for them and also more about it in general.

Thank you for listening 🙏💜