What do you think is worse
To be fully afflicted with insanity
Or just enough to understand
That normalcy is inaccessible to you

For everyone to know you’re mad
And take you as you are
Or kill yourself to appear plain
A madman caged in fear

To lend commiseration
And yet be fully you
Or to lower expectations
From the awful that is true

You simply cannot understand
The me that terrorizes
Every other waking day
The painful lewd surprises

Worthless, unwanted, a failure-immature
I move on heinous pains of emptiness
I press back on the walls of degradation
I want to be more but move toward less

It will never end
The battle of me vs me
I don’t know which I want to win
To feel alive or safe within

To rush toward pure, with some disdain
To fall toward risks of the deranged
To lose my mind but gain my soul
Or lose my soul and gain control

Each of me I grant the stage
Each of me is richly paid
The thoughts of darkness subtly linger
The rising Phoenix, the repressed dreamer

I see you, you know
All of you
The unsaid words
The ignorant muse

The patterns give you all away
Pathetic beggars who cannot pay
You touch and tease the predator
Then act surprised to become prey

I read their bodies
I hear their voices
Like the angels are pinning my eyes open
And the demons are whispering revelations


I don’t want to see
But I must
I am unwell
What will I do

I don’t want to see
I just want be


Only in my eyes
Only if you’re looking
Only if you’re listening
Can you hear her
Can you see

I’m dangerous
Even to me

#thepeculiarpastorswife #duplicity #secretbipolar #closetbipolar #conflicted #hazardtomyself #Bipolar2 #MightyPoets