conflicted

My youngest sister is currently in the OB emergency room because she's experiencing an ectopic pregnancy and they thought she was miscarrying a few days ago but her numbers went back up so they're concerned. Now obviously an ectopic pregnancy is really scary and can lead to many complications and I don't wish that on my sister... But my sister has been very transphobic and homophobic and won't let me meet her kids because I'm trans. I love my sister but I hate my sister too. It's really conflicting. I don't wish bad things on her but I don't exactly wish a lifetime supply of pie for her.

#conflicted #CheckInWithMe

Thankfully I am mostly recovered from COVID now. Still coughing a bit but it’s to be expected. Also still getting energy back.

But as everything in life (or at least in mine), when one thing goes away another thing comes along.

On Monday I was at work when I suddenly had this pain on my right side of my face and I had something that’s probably TMI. After that I had an awful headache that didn’t go away until 2 hours after taking ibuprofen.

Then today I had just the headache. Only this time it’s not gone and instead just faded with both ibuprofen and paracetamol. I was absolutely miserable at work and in just so much pain.

This and the fact the mucus issue is getting worse (have since found out it’s actually phlegm) is starting to impact my mood. I don’t believe it’s allergies because my normal allergy symptoms have stopped.

So tomorrow it’s back contacting the doctors. I really hope they don’t go thinking it’s allergies again, it made me believe it was.

I’m still on the fence about whether to make it an urgent appointment (where they’ll speak to me the same day) or a routine one (where they’ll speak to me in two weeks). I don’t quite know if I’ll be able to cope with more headaches, but I don’t want to be taking the appointment away from someone who needs it more.

#conflicted #COVID19 #Headache #Pain #help #Allergies #frustrated #Doctors

My kid physically attacked me when he was a teen. I was forced by the state to take him to his appointments, because I was his mother. It took me five years to name what I’d experienced domestic violence. In June his behavior forced me to go NC.

In August he was arrested for resisting arrest, I’ve never been more at peace knowing he wasn’t able to harass me. I become conflicted whenever I plan on doin something nice for myself. Today, I planned a trip to Miami for the spring, as much as I was excited I started feelin like a bad mother.

I’m allowing my child sit in jail whil I go on trips. As if he hadn’t been makin my life a livin hell for the last five years. As if he didn’t put holes in the walls of my spare bedroom. I have no reason to feel guilty about finally living a life that I’ve earned.

sucks

My kid physically attacked me when he was a teen. I was forced by the state to take him to his appointments, because I was his mother. It took me five years to name what I’d experienced domestic violence. In June his behavior forced me to go NC.

In August he was arrested for resisting arrest, I’ve never been more at peace knowing he wasn’t able to harass me. I become conflicted whenever I plan on doin something nice for myself. Today, I planned a trip to Miami for the spring, as much as I was excited I started feelin like a bad mother.

I’m allowing my child sit in jail whil I go on trips. As if he hadn’t been makin my life a livin hell for the last five years. As if he didn’t put holes in the walls of my spare bedroom. I have no reason to feel guilty about finally living a life that I’ve earned.

sucks

My kid physically attacked me when he was a teen. I was forced by the state to take him to his appointments, because I was his mother. It took me five years to name what I’d experienced domestic violence. In June his behavior forced me to go NC.

In August he was arrested for resisting arrest, I’ve never been more at peace knowing he wasn’t able to harass me. I become conflicted whenever I plan on doin something nice for myself. Today, I planned a trip to Miami for the spring, as much as I was excited I started feelin like a bad mother.

I’m allowing my child sit in jail whil I go on trips. As if he hadn’t been makin my life a livin hell for the last five years. As if he didn’t put holes in the walls of my spare bedroom. I have no reason to feel guilty about finally living a life that I’ve earned.

sucks

My kid physically attacked me when he was a teen. I was forced by the state to take him to his appointments, because I was his mother. It took me five years to name what I’d experienced domestic violence. In June his behavior forced me to go NC.

In August he was arrested for resisting arrest, I’ve never been more at peace knowing he wasn’t able to harass me. I become conflicted whenever I plan on doin something nice for myself. Today, I planned a trip to Miami for the spring, as much as I was excited I started feelin like a bad mother.

I’m allowing my child sit in jail whil I go on trips. As if he hadn’t been makin my life a livin hell for the last five years. As if he didn’t put holes in the walls of my spare bedroom. I have no reason to feel guilty about finally living a life that I’ve earned.

sucks

My kid physically attacked me when he was a teen. I was forced by the state to take him to his appointments, because I was his mother. It took me five years to name what I’d experienced domestic violence. In June his behavior forced me to go NC.

In August he was arrested for resisting arrest, I’ve never been more at peace knowing he wasn’t able to harass me. I become conflicted whenever I plan on doin something nice for myself. Today, I planned a trip to Miami for the spring, as much as I was excited I started feelin like a bad mother.

I’m allowing my child sit in jail whil I go on trips. As if he hadn’t been makin my life a livin hell for the last five years. As if he didn’t put holes in the walls of my spare bedroom. I have no reason to feel guilty about finally living a life that I’ve earned.

sucks

My kid physically attacked me when he was a teen. I was forced by the state to take him to his appointments, because I was his mother. It took me five years to name what I’d experienced domestic violence. In June his behavior forced me to go NC.

In August he was arrested for resisting arrest, I’ve never been more at peace knowing he wasn’t able to harass me. I become conflicted whenever I plan on doin something nice for myself. Today, I planned a trip to Miami for the spring, as much as I was excited I started feelin like a bad mother.

I’m allowing my child sit in jail whil I go on trips. As if he hadn’t been makin my life a livin hell for the last five years. As if he didn’t put holes in the walls of my spare bedroom. I have no reason to feel guilty about finally living a life that I’ve earned.

sucks

so I’m feeling lost without talking to him or being without him . I’m falling back to not having the energy or motivation for things. I see myself wanting to sleep more and more each chance I get. I’m not sure that I can continue this way , I feel like I’m slowly dying not having a grip of my own life at the moment. #depressed#Depressedthoughts