highpainday

I have been more active recently, as I slowly recover my energy from two surgeries within a short time. I have had two recent experiences of new pain. A few days ago, I was reaching to put on a fitted sheet. With limited reach in both shoulder I was apparently stressing the rest of my body. I felt and heard my calf muscle tear. After several days of babying a new pain, that is easing up. But today, I have severe pain in my right elbow, not a body part with known arthritis or injury. Although I got a lot done yesterday, I can’t pinpoint anything I did to cause this. I am starting to think my new reality is random pain flares
#ChronicPain . #highpainday

Last year, while I was hospitalized for depression, a psychiatrist started me on a new-to-me medication called mirtazapine. I gained 70 pounds in two months (!), and since then my pain has been out of control. My Nurse Practitioner is afraid to reduce my dose of this medication because she doesn’t want me to be suicidal again.

All I can see in my future is pain. I live at a 4/5 out of 10 on the pain scale, with flares that bring me up to 7 or 8. These flares occur weekly-ish, and each one takes three or four days to go away.

I’m holding on, and living anyway because I have my son still at home (he is 10). But what will happen when he is an adult out on his own? I’ll have much less reason to stick around anymore. I’m afraid.