People usually say that when someone is suicidal they don't want to die, they just want to stop living that particular way. But for me that is not the case. I genuinely don't want to be alive. Live is not for me and no one seems to understand. #misunderstood #Suicide #idontbelong #Idontbelonghere
I am so fustrated!
Long post ahead and I'm going to whine: I have both depression and anxiety, yay me! 🙄 Anyway, the last few years especially this last year have been really hard on me and has only me worse. And it just seams like it's just been one thing after another the few months. I currently live at my in laws house (due to them moving out of state for work) not only do we live there but also have everything that goes along with it, the dogs, the cats, the horses and a huge massive yard to go with it. All of which I love dont get me wrong but my problem is as a newly married couple, I live in house that isn't mine, I sleep in a bed that isn't mine, and do all of these things for a place that isn't mine, that we are house sitting for a few years. I am really grateful for where we live but I'm don't like feeling like I don't belong. Like I'm living someone else's life. Before we moved we had our own place. And for the first time since moving States I finally felt at home. But due to plumbing issues we had to leave and it just so happened that my in laws needed us to watch their place. Blessing right, well what is a blessing is has caused so much anxiety and has made my depression sky rocket. My husband doesn't work in town during the week and is always gone leaving me to tend and care for the house by myself. I am so overwhelmed! I have talked to him several times about how unhappy I am and how I don't feel like anything is mine. So here today I have an opportunity to get something that's mine, a DOG ( I really want an inside cat but we can't cuz my MIL has said absolutely not) And it would help with everything I am going through. But he doesn't get it, he doesn't understand how important it is for me to have something that is mine. And I feel so silly and childish cuz I'm getting upset over this all but it's so fustrating!! All I want is something to call mine.
#CheckInWithMe
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