ied

Finally got to see my doctor. I gained 13 pounds. For some this may not be a big deal but for me it is. I was already overweight and trying to lose the weight and I was making progress before March 2020. Over the past two years I have had several ied episodes. Not as bad as previously but still pretty harsh. I am glad I got to see my doctor. I have been diagnosed with pre-diabetes. I kind of knew this was inevitable. It runs on my moms side down the maternal line for atleast 4 generations. In some ways I have been prepearing for this through most of life. I asked my mom many questions over the years.

Yesterday I woke up with a headache that was close to being a migraine. It wouldn't go away all day. I didn't get anything done. Which didn't help my depression. I keep reminding myself I wasn't feeling well and I was umable to do anything but still feeling down. I will get more done today. I have a list of five chores to do today and as long as I get three of my five chores done I am doing well.

These past couple of weeks I have been busy cleaning our apartment. (I live with my disabled parents) I am over halfway through cleaning our apartment. I am trying to keep what I have already cleaned clean and cleaning up other areas. Tomorrow I will start on my room. I have to do laundry, fold bedding, and there is a lot to pick up.
I have ordered a dressing table which will be here Thursday and at the end of month I am getting an art table. Hopefully this will help with keeping my room clean.
My only real problem is that I have become obessed with cleaning. I am even having trouble sleeping because all I want to do is clean. Sunday I was suppose to take a break from cleaning. Still I ended up doing quite bit of cleaning.
I think I will have to start adding other activities to my day. Maybe some medition and/or yoga. I will also need to add a workout routine to my day.

I just sent a message to some one who used to be my best friend. Another friend of mine recently point out that I have grown a lot these past three years and he probably has too. This is very scary for me and I am trying to remember to breathe. Also remember I cannot control what others do or say. I really want to reconnect with him.
So I will breathe and hope for the best and also not expect a reply.

All month I haven't been able to sleep at night. As soon as the sun comes up I have no trouble falling asleep. This is getting annoying. I want to be awake during the day and sleep at night.

A friend of mine who is a therapist has been giving me some guidance to help me. One thing he suggested was to start a gratitude journal.
When I first started the gratitude journal I found it difficult. Then I realized it didn't matter what I was grateful for just that I was grateful for something. I realized it could be anything from being grateful for the colour green or just that I still have my parents.
Every day I find it a little easier to be grateful for something.

#ied

Two years ago today I created a new social media accounts. I had removed my best friend from my life. He was toxic and I didn't realized until I cut ties with him how much energy he was draining from me. In these past to years I have had less depression episodes, less anxiety amd panic attacks. Also less emotional outbursts. I am sleeping better.
Two years later I have new friends. I am more active. I joined my community's gym and I have become more of a participant in my community. As I result I have lost weight and I feel so much better.
#Depression #Anxiety #ied

#ied