Headache

I am gonna do a page of journal prompts with Pauley tonight. She's been kinda bitchy all day cuz her laptop keyboard doesn't work very well. She needs a new keyboard. Maybe focusing on the journal prompts will help her feel better. She's currently washing out my water bottle so she can make a bottle of juice.

I finally got a good look at the abscess on my boob. It's on the areola. It's about the size of a dime. Hurts like hell. I keep squeezing it out every hour. I was thinking of getting a washcloth and soaking it in warm water with Epsom salt and letting it sit on the booboo for a while.

I was gonna dye my hair tonight but I don't have any spoons. Today was enough. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow after I get home from lunch. I should feel pretty good when I get home. Kathy is like family.

I ordered groceries for delivery on Thursday. I'm getting some really good stuff. It's not easy cuz I have to check everything for sodium content and serving size. Most of the stuff I consider comfort food is high in sodium. But I'm excited cuz I'm getting the ingredients for cheesy tomato garlic toast. It's gonna be awesome. I used to make it all the time but I haven't made it in over 10 years. So this is gonna be a real treat.

I'm craving coffee but I'm going to have some sugar free piña colada flavored juice mixed with sugar free tropical punch juice. It's really yummy. I'll set up the coffee maker tonight and program it to turn on at 8am and turn off at 830am. I'll probably use the French vanilla lavender flavor coffee but just a small amount cuz the flavor is so strong. It's really good in moderation.

After the appointment I had today I feel a bit better. Yesterday my therapist said it's not shameful to be struggling with what I've got going on. He said I've had to be strong for such a long time and it's logical for me to be exhausted. Today my headache specialist said the same thing.

I talked to my mom today and told her I've lost interest in coffee and cooking. She was like well I wonder why. I said "remember when I was gonna have you look up something? It's called anhedonia. It's a symptom of depression. It's loss of interest in hobbies and interests" and she was just like wow. She'll never understand. I've gotta make peace with that.

My back really hurts. I'm gonna take a tramadol and ask @pauleyholm to put some CBD cream on my back after she's done eating yucky oatmeal.

#StreamOfConsciousness

I've got an appointment with my headache specialist to discuss the side effects of topomax and to talk about the potential cause of the migraines being my exotropia/strabismus. This should be interesting. Wish me luck.

#Migraine #CheckInWithMe

Living with chronic migraines is like being strapped into a rollercoaster you never signed up for. The physical pain (the throbbing, the nausea, the sensitivity to light and sound) is brutal, don’t get me wrong. But what people don’t talk about enough is the mental and emotional toll it takes. It’s not just a headache; it’s a full-body, full-mind assault that leaves you questioning your worth, your strength, and your ability to keep going. My brain becomes a battlefield, flooded with negative thoughts I have to fight every day. Here are the most common lies my migraines whisper to me and maybe you’ll recognize some of them too:

1. I’m letting everyone down.

When a migraine hits, plans get canceled. Can’t show up for work or friends the way I want to. The guilt is suffocating. I start thinking I’m a failure as a chef, a spouse, a human. But when I push past that fog, I remind myself: my family sees me fighting. They see me get back up. And maybe that’s teaching them something about resilience I couldn’t show them any other way.

2. No one understands, and they’re tired of hearing about it.

I worry that every time I say “I have a migraine,” people roll their eyes behind my back. Who wants to hear about the same invisible problem over and over? I convince myself they think I’m exaggerating or just weak. The truth? My real support system (the ones who matter) don’t judge. They listen. And I’m learning to let go of the people who don’t get it. It’s not my job to convince them.

3. I don’t deserve to feel good.

On the rare days when I wake up without pain, I almost don’t trust it. I’ve gotten so used to migraines defining my life that I question why I get a break. Gratitude feels foreign... like I’m not allowed to enjoy it because the pain will just come back. But I’m working on it. I’ve earned those good moments, and I’m trying to hold onto them without guilt.

4. I’m not strong enough to handle this.

During a bad attack, when I’m curled up in the dark with my fav edible and an ice pack, it’s easy to feel broken. The pain makes me think I’m too fragile to keep going. Yet, every time I survive another one, I prove that lie wrong. Strength isn’t about never hurting, it’s about pushing through when you think you can’t.

5. This is all my fault.

Did I eat the wrong thing? Skip a meal? Stress too much? Not sleep enough? My mind spins, blaming me for every migraine. It’s like I’m punishing myself for something I can’t fully control. Rationally, I know migraines are a medical condition, not a personal failing... but try telling that to my brain at 2 a.m.

6. The pain will never end.

In the thick of a migraine, it feels eternal. My brain tricks me into thinking this is my forever, trapped in a cycle of agony. But here’s the thing I cling to: it always passes. Maybe not as fast as I’d like, but it does. “This too shall pass” is my lifeline.

7. I’m alone in this.

The isolation of migraines is brutal. Lying in a dark room, cut off from the world, relaying on edibles and other meds, it’s easy to think no one else gets it. But I know that’s a lie too. There’s a whole community out there (and here), people like me, fighting the same fight. Sharing this might even reach one of them.

Chronic migraines don’t just attack your head... they mess with your heart and soul too. But every day I keep going, I prove those lies wrong. I’m not just surviving the pain; I’m battling the emotional chaos it brings. And if you’re reading this, nodding along, know you’re not alone on this ride.

Keep fighting these battles! #Migraine

I've got therapy tomorrow at 3pm. But I need to call my insurance transportation service and change the time of my ride for Tuesday. If I can't do that I'll call my headache specialist clinic and see if we can push the time up a bit.

Then 1pm on Wednesday I'm going to Panera with my peer specialist for lunch. I texted her on Friday saying I need to see her. She texted me back today. She is one of the few people I feel safe enough to talk about my kids.

Then on Friday I've got labs at 1030am. I was smart this time, fasting won't be difficult.

Then on Saturday we're going to Dixieland flea market for a comic book and toys event. I'm hoping to find some Spawn action figures and some Lobo comics.

It's a busy week with lots of positive things. I'm hoping it helps me pull through this depression.

Just a friendly reminder, all the parts of you (including your emotions) are worth loving.

What's one way you can love yourself today?
What's one way you can be kind to yourself today?
#MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ADHD #Spoonie #ChronicIllness #PTSD #Headache #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Fibromyalgia #Migraine #POTS #Autism #CeliacDisease