When you don’t know who you are, when you’re figuring out who you aren’t. No ones got it figured out. Late 20’s, late bloomer, early bloomer, young heart, old soul. Hello Saturn, learning lessons. Damage done early on, trust in others revoked. Trust, now something earned, with a familiar dose of skepticism. Never had community until I fell in love with you, unintentional community, revolved around a watering hole. People in that shell of a space gravitated to us. No one realized how our love sparked that communion. I noticed.

I’m craving the intentional creation and connection of a village, where we work through conflict, are mindful of gossip and heal together. Scrolling through Instagram watching you all seemingly live laugh love & connect. Craving connection yet isolation. We can’t feel for 899 “friends” never mind those we follow. #Dissociating socially, families disjointed. Online we experience communication disguised as connection. Leaving us subtlety more empty than before we picked up the god damn phone. Navigating safely on the outskirts of groups, surveying the horizon for the folks that align with my values, my spirit. Where are you? Are you almost here?

One day, maybe.

Or maybe I’m better off alone.

Is this really home? “God” I think maybe you made a mistake putting me here? “But “god” makes no mistakes.” Whatever. These aren’t my people, this isn’t my home. A beautiful visit to a world tragically miraculous. I feel more connected to this land than it’s dominating species.

I think of ending my time on my time everyday, the only thing keeping me here is the smiles of the few, the purpose in my heart & the fear that I’ll end up back right here. What’s my lesson, what’s my #purpose , until revealed I’ll be here to do my best and serve the rest.

Can I go home now?

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #empath #Ihatelabelsandhashtags