I think one of the worst downward spirals in my mental health is related to making decisions. When I'm feeling depressed or anxious or triggered, it is so hard to make decisions. But, when I leave decisions hanging, my mental health deteriorates even further.

I'm really struggling with this with work these days.

My second (very) part time work-from-home job kind of fizzled out in November and now that boss has just messaged me again asking if I can pick up a few hours. The inconsistency and poor communication has been an issue since I started working with her in July, but I just can't pull the plug. I just need to email her and say no, but making any life changes just now feels so hard.

I have been saying for literally three years that I was going to try this one particular type of online employment. On Black Friday, I got a deal on a tablet that would allow me to finally do that. But then I have to start something new and that feels so monumental.

I've seen some full-time jobs posted, starting in January. They are exactly what I was looking for, but I just don't care anymore. I question my ability to do them and some of them are not very accessible by public transit. So I keep on saving these job ads up and just never apply.

I know that these non-decisions are weighing on me and making me feel worse, but I can't bring myself to do anything about it.

Depression sucks.

#Decisions #indecision #change #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Trauma