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Decision-making paralysis

Hi everyone, I joined this group as soon as I saw it created, but I haven't posted here before. I feel so much turmoil still around my religious affiliation (evangelical Christian). I'm at a point now where I can say, "I don't think I'm a Christian anymore." The thing is, even if I'm not, the Bible verses and teachings are so, so ingrained in my psyche after being in the church from the time I was born.

I am having a lot of difficulty with making decisions now, in particular. When I was actively living as a Christian, I would pray and seek advice from church leaders and read the Bible if I had to make a decision. I always had this dread hanging over me that I might make a decision that was against "God's will" though; as a result, I definitely made a number of decisions that were harmful to me because it seemed like they were more acceptable to the church.

Now, I don't feel that dread about God's will, but I feel that I am completely lacking a foundation or framework for deciding what to do. I'm currently going through some career decisions and I can't separate "my values" from what I was indoctrinated into. Every time I try to start processing through this, I end up just breaking down because I feel like I don't even have an identity, and maybe I never have had one of my own. It's all very overwhelming and crushing.

I know there aren't any easy solutions to this, but I hope someone out there can at least relate to where I am at.

Thanks for listening ❤️

#Decisions #Career #Faith #Christianity #spiritualabuse #Identity #MentalHealth

13 reactions 8 comments


I never wrote anything like this before, so bear with me, please.

3 years ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disoreder, it was a relief knowing that what I was going through was not me “going crazy” or just “being crazy” since my teenage years, but it had a name.

However, it opened my eyes to some challenges.

I honestly don’t know how relevant this is to what I am trying to say, but I just felt the need to put it out here, for once, to be able to tell it to someone who might understand.

But getting back to my point…
I have a pretty difficult time with decisions, one in particular.

I got this job offer and for some reason I went to the interview. I got the job, it pays way better than my current job, it has a lot of benefits (financialy and professionaly). However, its very different from what I am doing at the moment, the new job being in management. At the moment I am a psychologist, k9 conducuctor and dog behaviorist. Tbh in my country it’s paid pretty badly, I can barely make ends meet and it’s putting a lof of stress on me and at times I feel like I am unrevelling.

And now, I am faced with this decision: old job or new job?
Doing what I love (for little money, with no possibility of advancement) or do what it’s right for my health and stability?
#Decisions #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #DisorderedEating #dep 🫣 #Anxiety #help

11 reactions 6 comments

Abusing my Mother

My mother is the only person who cares about me and I treat her very badly. My mum is always pushing me to do better. Make friends and socialise, get a new job and make more money, get a new car, clean the house up and get a girl friend.

I don't know if my mum realises how miserable and sad I am. I blame my mother for all my problems and she blames herself. She is literally the only person who calls me to see how I am and I push her away swearing at her and threatening her. I think she called me "by accident" after our conversation crying and said it was a mistake. I should feel terrible about the way I speak to my mother but somehow it relieves me of a lot of my troubles.

I am putting all my issues on my mother and causing her significant stress. I don't know how she feels because its all about me. Everything is about me and my troubles. I feel bad about how I speak to her but I think it is more about pushing her away and completely isolating myself. Once I am completely isolated is when I really consider whether my life is worth living. Fortunately or unfortunately, (depends on which way you want to look at it) she will never let that happen.

She will call again tomorrow, sometimes I wish she would let me be but I would be no better off. I love my mother more than anything and she knows that. I got clean and straightened my life out for my family with my mums support. No matter how much trouble I caused her she was always there for me. I feel bad treating her so poorly but she brings the worst out in me.

I hope my mum doesn't feel like she has failed as a mother. I think she feels bad because I am not happy, hurting and suffering.

I think she just wants me to be happy. She is not stupid and can see that I am miserable and hates seeing me this way.

#mum #motherslove #NeverGiveUp #Support #alwaysthere #reallove #Family #Truelove #Care #caring #Love #chillout #calmdown #emotional #respectful #Myfault #ownership #notherfault #mystory #Decisions #onlylove #imwrong #help #sheltered #supportive #EverythingWillBeOkay #Hope

1 reaction

My perception of my own thoughts TW #SuicidalThoughts

If someone else were to share with me the thoughts that have been going through my head lately, I would be seriously concerned for them. But, somehow, when these dark thoughts are in my own head, they seem quite normal. I've lived with similar thoughts for years, and they are just a bit worse than usual, right? I feel that I don't know how to appropriately assess my own thoughts because I'm just so used to them. I spoke with my therapist this morning and she was definitely concerned and started talking with me about the possibility of making a visit to the hospital. It's just hard to know - when are these thoughts just run of the mill depression heightened by life stress vs. go get help now thoughts? How do you figure this out?

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #abusesurvivor #darkthoughts #Selfassessment #Decisions #Hospitalization #SuicidalIdeation


Making decisions

I still haven't made a decision about what to do regarding my parents' upcoming visit. I know that I don't feel good about seeing them, but I also know that I really want them to bring the rest of my belongings from where they to live to me here.

The problem with depression and anxiety is that my ability to come up with creative or alternative solutions to problems is seriously diminished. I start to feel stuck and trapped between two black and white options and that makes my mental health deteriorate any further.

Has anyone managed to get out of this spiral and found a way to come up with solutions?

#Decisions #Solutions #MentalHealth #Family #Depression #Anxiety

1 comment

Bipolar and decision making #BipolarDisorder #Decisions

Does anyone else here have trouble making decisions? I mean not a little trouble…. Like it’s impossible. The older I get the more difficult it is to make decisions about things in life. Now I’m 31 and in prime decision making stage and everything I thought I knew about my choices in life I am second guessing. Do I just do things that I think people expect from me? I have no idea who I am anymore or what I want with my life.

Any input would be helpful, my fellow mighties 💗 light to all 💫


#day to day events 5-24-21, but also from days prior # decisions # anxiety

Friends, relationships, supports and a new topic: decisions
I have to decide if I will retire. It is a 5 hr/wk job. One I held for over 2 years. Been w the company for going on 9. Told to resign w covid. Now accepted back. Trying to decide if I should go back.
#Decisions . Anyone else have trouble w these?
Really wanted to leave ( retire) on good terms. Have a history w bombarding supervisors w offshoots of my anxiety. # anxiety: Over the decision about pay and whether to leave ( retire) I sent my boss 6 emails. One being very long and heavy- involved & burdensome. Don’t know why they have put up w me for so long. Thinking they need the help & I maybe do good work.

Told them ( my boss) I would work 1 more year. My boss asked me how long I would work upon receiving my heavy and involved emails.
After the emails I realized just how stressful one more year could be.

Decision & question:
Do I just leave now or do I stick it out one more year?
Could be stressful- ( I do enjoy my work- but the anxiety brings stress w it)
Wanted to retire on good terms.

Would staying that extra year accomplish good terms ? I told my boss last week I would give it one more year. Than after that I sent the burdensome emails. Is it worth it to stay ( one more year of stress) and try to make up for the numerous emails?

Or should I just retire?

This is the decision I need to make.

The money would be nice and helpful, but w cutting things out- I think we would be okay.

1 comment

The pressure of deciding your future #Anxiety #Pressure #future

Our society pressures us to decide what we want to do with our life before we even finish school. We are expected to know what we want to study, what we want to do, who we want to be. But why? Why are we pressured, and expect to know all this when we’re still so young. Our brain isn’t fully developed at 18. Most kids go to university because their parents expect them to go. It’s looked down upon if we have a gap year, if we want to do something else. But realistically isn’t that better for us? Shouldn’t we get real life experience, work experience, and grow up, before we make huge life decisions? Going to university is expensive, many either can’t afford it, or have to figure out how to finance it. But they go with no plan, they go just for the fun of it, for the Greek life, for the parties. That’s not how it should be! Going to university should be for a reason, it should be because we want to, because we know exactly why we go and what we want to get out of it. We should break free from this pressure, and do that is right for us. We shouldn’t be ashamed of our decisions, but be proud to say ‘I’ll take some time off and figure out my life and who I am’. That should be more supported and praised. Do life the way you want, the way it feels right for you. And if you don’t go to university, but do something else that makes you happy and fulfilled, do it with pride. And if you figure out you want to start university when you’re older, there’s no shame in that. One is never too old to learn and grow. #growth #Life #Decisions


Help #Anxiety #Depression #hopelessnes #Sadness #Breakups #Relationships #Decisions #Impostorsyndrome #Work #Loneliness

I've fallen into a months long rut and am having a really hard time figuring out what to do next. I changed careers and it took me a year to find a job. In the middle of that I separated from my fiancé of five years after at least a year or two of being unhappy. I moved in with a couple of roommates and it's been a terrible experience. I can't be in peace in my own home. Now the lease is up for renewal and I need to decide whether to stay, move home, or find another apartment. I don't feel that I have the energy to search or move right now even though I'm in a tough situation. I barely have any friends around as I left this area for a few years and practically came back during covid. My best friend is literally still my ex and given that I'm feeling so lonely, I am really missing his support and even thinking about getting back together. I know we broke up for valid reasons (which I acknowledged first) but life feels really hard right now. After back to back intense conversations with my roommates about our living situation and a recent convo with my ex about the problems we had about 2 days ago, I'm having such intense anxiety. I'm crying at least once an hour and don't know how to relieve it. What's worse is that my new job is picking up and I'm finding it incredibly difficult to focus and get anything done. I know I'm lost in a sea of negative thoughts and hopelessness but when I think about it, I also don't have anything to look forward to, I don't have uplifting people to lean on. My therapist doesn't seem to be a big help right now. I just don't know. I think I'll move home for a little while, but it's also not the best choice because where my fam lives is very isolated and I don't even have a car. My relationship with my mom has improved but it's been pretty rough in the past. I really just want to get away..go on a trip or something. If it weren't for the fact that I finally have a job with a decent salary, I would say I feel like I've hit rock bottom. How do I get out of this? Positive thoughts are hard to have or believe in right now.