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    The Time it Takes to Heal and Why to Resist Counting

    There are times when mental illness is inexplicably and irreversibly triggered, feeling out of the blue and bringing on the question of, “why is this happening?” Hospitalizations or acts of deliriously erratic behaviour, unlike the person you have known before. It feels sudden, shocking, and destabilizing. It might change how you see yourself or others, it might just be paramount in a series of upcoming challenges.

    I am not an expert on the cause, here. I don’t know if any of this is truly out of the blue, because science has acknowledged several potential triggering factors that could clarify how we arrive at these moments. For me, what happened felt like the longest slow burn in history. There was a suddenness to the escalation of my condition, but thinking back shows me tremendous kindling. There were a million hints of varying sizes, but I didn’t see them. Nobody did. (As an aside: just because we don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there!)

    In all those years I learned things that had the duality of being helpful and hurtful. I was excellent at being alone and independent, but also unwilling to give other people a chance. My fight or flight mode had me surviving many painful things, though it disrupted my ability to be present in normal circumstances.

    What I have started to realize is that it took me many years to get here. Many years of defence mechanisms and resistance, insecurities and pain. Those things don’t leave overnight. They don’t scurry away after a week of therapy– in fact, I think it is fair to say that the true time it takes to deeply heal can rival the time it takes to make these things. Not always. But often.

    That’s a scary thought, to be held to the past and the things that hinder my healing for so long. To have this idea that it could take quite some time when I really feel I need to see results now. But what do we get if we take this observation and look at it from a perspective of self-compassion?

    We get the recognition that change is scary but valuable. We get to see that it is okay to take time, we can give ourselves permission to recover without assigning deadlines. Without telling ourselves that we should be here or there. We could instead make room for what we want to practice or learn. No should have, not resenting ourselves for what we needed to survive.

    I’m tired of trying to grow all the time, trying to create the kind of life that I want. That is half of what is inside of me. But I’m also surprised by how much I have seized and changed and there is more of me here than ever before. I am early in addressing all these things, but I see myself growing with clarity.

    Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I do need to let myself feel frustrated and resentful. I have to keep processing the pain as I go. But I can make the choice to invite in the idea that even if things move slowly, they are moving to change my life and I can see it.

    Here's to the possibility of trying, even if our inner voices are not always on our side. Even if it feels like the clock is ticking. We can let ourselves try.

    #Bipolar #Therapy #MoodDisorder #Anxiety #Healing #Selfcompassion #mindset #change

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    A want to move on..

    My last post about being rooted in the past, is still speaking to me. For some reason I feel a drive to move from my current town and home that I’ve known for 36 years! It won’t be easy, moving all our possessions and uprooting to the East Coast of the U.S. I’ve lived in the East though, for 19 years of my life. I’m quite certain I could do it again. My husband says he’s ok with it. He’s someone who grew up in California. Really, he vacillates on moving..I dislike the changes that have happened in our neighborhood..More ADU’s more traffic, people not taking care of property, people infringing on our property..I know there would be a whole set of new things to get use to in a new place, but Hopefully, overall it would be a change for the better. I’d like to be closer to my children (-even though one has written us off!) I’m just antsy for a new start, a new beginning, some where else..I could do this! My husband, not really. He’s too rigid in his ways, even though he’d move for me, he just can’t step outside the box or color outside the lines…#PTSD #change #Comfort married to a non-practicing alcoholic still causes #confrontation #freedom need a #New way, a new place to call #home I just feel I need this before I’m too old…

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    Accept and Appreciate Yourself, Today

    I saw this tonight and it speaks volumes to me. It’s motivational and positive in its message. It’s for those of us who have held onto the past,and the person we use to be. Sometimes memories hold us too much to the past, or we’ve been rooted in the past, and feel stagnant. We’re always growing and changing though, and hopefully becoming the better, the best versions, of ourselves. The #future is at hand my friends #TheMighty #change happens, #Motivation #Positivity #movingon #letgo of the past, #learn what we need to from whatever we’ve been through, and level up for the future..

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    Are you sensitive to your environment?

    Individuals with PTSD are often highly sensitive to their environments. They notice every little detail, scanning for safety cues or potential danger. When a sense of security is achieved in an environment, like the therapy room, any changes to that environment can create an immediate sense of discomfort.

    Dear Therapists, a Reminder That the Physical Setting of The...

    Are you sensitive to your environment? If so, how do you react to change and does it influence your feelings of safety?

    #Trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #Therapy #Environment #change #Hypervigilance #Safety

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    #Gratitude , Forgiveness, Turning Points & Transphobes

    📺 - #Gratitude , Forgiveness, Turning Points & Transphobes - #DwhellOnIt Ep. 60 - tinyurl.com/yckytkh7

    🗣 - "Hooray you! Hooray, cisnormative communities, cisnormative environments, cisnormative businesses, and cisnormative lawmakers, hooray that after millennia of #gender -diverse individuals existing in the world, you finally are starting to create a space where they do not get attacked as much."

    ❓ - What's #DwhellOnIt ?

    👀 - Dwhell On It is a series where I answer your questions about my lived #experience as a #trans woman!

    📺 - A new episode gets uploaded every week! - tinyurl.com/nzbr8k27

    ‼️ - Get engaged!

    ➕ - Subscribe for more episodes & similar #Content - https://tinyurl.com/mupvwkcy

    ✉️ - #Comment w/ thoughts & questions!

    👍🏻 - Please #like & #Share !

    🔖 - Bookmarks!

    * What are the most significant turning points of a #trans person's life?

    * How do you be #grateful for anything when all we face are hate and abuse and transphobia by everyone?

    * What is something that you would never forgive?

    * What are your religious and political views?

    * What is the most challenging thing to understand about transphobes?

    🔗 - Links!

    * When does your transition end? - https://tinyurl.com/bdcp9w6e

    * "You mention you don't regret the time lost. How do you do that? I'm starting HRT at 39, but I've been questioning my #gender for 15-20 years, and I'm constantly thinking about what would have happened if I'd figured it #Out or been braver early on." - https://tinyurl.com/2zcxas8y

    * Let's Talk About #Sports Emm Bee! - https://tinyurl.com/44xn76r2

    * How Presentation Affects Representation - https://tinyurl.com/6cyw8k39

    * #Transgender Awareness Week - "Progress takes time, but it should not end with us going back in time." - https://tinyurl.com/mvujbsup

    👀 - Create #change !

    📣 - End anti-2SLGBTQIA+ abuse! - tinyurl.com/2p98f8hc

    📣 - You can #help ! Everything inspiring HireWheller stays ongoing - biased systems, ignorant platforms, violent abusers & isolated victims.

    📣 - Grassroots #power comes from its #people ! Get involved or refer others you know to challenge systemic violence & oppression!

    💻 - Connect!

    @HireWheller: A grassroots group to #help the 2SLGBTQIA+ #Community overcome often-minimized struggles.

    #Instagram : tinyurl.com/5n6dm696

    #Facebook : tinyurl.com/6pww46b8

    #Twitter : tinyurl.com/26sbj4zb

    👱🏼‍♀️ - Look me up!

    @TaylorLakhryst: #Transgender woman, advocate, INFJ, ♊️, she/her/hers 🏳️‍⚧️

    Linktree: linktr.ee/TaylorLakhryst

    📒 - Alt information

    * Text: Dwhell on it w/ Taylor Lakhryst Ep. 60 - Gratitude, Forgiveness, Turning Points & Transphobes - HIREWHELLER

    * Description: A blonde woman wearing a grey long-sleeved shirt is smiling & sitting on a black chair in front of a beige wall. There is turquoise text with a grey & black accent.

    * Captions: Automated

    #LGBTQ #LGBT #Pride #equality

    Post

    Getting Outed, Getting Older, Trends & Ex-Girlfriends

    📺 - #DwhellOnIt Ep. 59 - tinyurl.com/3pdekfkn

    🗣 - "I acknowledge that there are failed systems. I don't go to bed worrying about it. I don't lose #Sleep over it. It's because other #people are failures. Other #people are emotionally intolerant. Other #people are incapable of being compassionate, understanding, educatable, or competent, or however it goes. That's all them. Every time I get deadnamed or misgendered, I stand taller because I'm the better person."

    ❓ - What's #DwhellOnIt ?

    👀 - Dwhell On It is a series where I answer your questions about my lived #experience as a #trans woman!

    📺 - A new episode gets uploaded every week! - tinyurl.com/nzbr8k27

    ‼️ - Get engaged!

    ➕ - Subscribe for more episodes & similar #Content ! - https://tinyurl.com/mupvwkcy

    ✉️ - #Comment w/ thoughts & questions!

    👍🏻 - Please #like & #Share !

    🔖 - Bookmarks!

    * Do you #Love or hate any #Fashion trends differently since you came #Out ?

    * Has anyone ever outed you before you came #Out ?

    * What was puberty like for you?

    * How do you cope with being deadnamed or misgendered?

    * Has anyone from previous relationships found #Out , and have they spoken with you since?

    🔗 - Links! 

    * Does anyone misgender you whom you wish they wouldn't? Have you confronted them about it? - tinyurl.com/2s4avx9m

    * How do you deal with trolls? Is there anything you want to do to trolls? - https://tinyurl.com/mstf6jm9

    * What was the best reaction you got after you came #Out ? The worst? The most surprising? - https://tinyurl.com/4ky5hdfu

    * #Canada Voted In Favour of Policing Women's Bodies! - https://tinyurl.com/56b67cr9

    * #winnipeg City Council Approves To Prefer #Kindness - https://tinyurl.com/4nf8w4jf

    👀 - Create #change !

    📣 - End anti-2SLGBTQIA+ abuse! - tinyurl.com/2p98f8hc

    📣 - You can #help ! Everything inspiring HireWheller stays ongoing - biased systems, ignorant platforms, violent abusers & isolated victims.

    📣 - Grassroots #power comes from its #people ! Get involved or refer others you know to challenge systemic violence & oppression!

    💻 - Connect!

    @HireWheller: A grassroots group to #help the 2SLGBTQIA+ #Community overcome often-minimized struggles.

    #Instagram : tinyurl.com/5n6dm696

    #Facebook : tinyurl.com/6pww46b8

    #Twitter : tinyurl.com/26sbj4zb

    👱🏼‍♀️ - Look me up!

    @TaylorLakhryst: #Transgender woman, advocate, INFJ, ♊️, she/her/hers 🏳️‍⚧️

    Linktree: linktr.ee/TaylorLakhryst

    📒 - Alt information

    * Text: Dwhell on it w/ Taylor Lakhryst Ep. 59 - Getting Outed, Getting Older, Trends & Ex-Girlfriends - HIREWHELLER

    * Description: A blonde woman wearing a striped grey t-shirt and a grey sweater is smiling & sitting on a black chair in front of a beige wall. There is turquoise text with a grey & black accent.

    * Captions: Automated

    Post

    Being #trans , Playing Games, Getting Loved, and More! - #DwhellOnIt Ep. 57

    📺 - www.youtube.com/watch

    🗣 - "Would I stop? Would I go back to a pre-transition life? Would I erase being #trans from who I am as a person? No! Absolutely not! My name is Taylor Lakhryst. I am a #Transgender woman proud to be who I am."

    ❓ - What's #DwhellOnIt ?

    👀 - Dwhell On It is a series where I answer your questions about my lived #experience as a #trans woman!

    📺 - A new episode gets uploaded every week! - https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4

    ‼️ - Get engaged!

    ➕ - Subscribe for more episodes & similar #Content ! - www.youtube.com/TaylorLakhryst

    ✉️ - #Comment w/ thoughts & questions!

    👍🏻 - Please like & #Share !

    🔖 - Bookmarks!

    * How important is being #trans to your overall identity?

    * Do you play games? In what game universe would you want to live?

    * What parts of your life have changed since you came #Out as a #trans woman?

    * What can you say to a mature #Transgender woman who feels like nobody won't ever love her? FYI, I'm recently divorced.

    * Is there anywhere you feel more #Out of place now than before you transitioned?

     

    🔗 - Links!

    * #Canada Voted In Favour of Policing Women's Bodies! - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d38u-qP8lqg&list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4&index=1

    * Expectations, Responsibilities and Talking to Goldfish - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjyMgY0hBg8&list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4&index=1

    * How Presentation Affects Representation - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvYnMgeH_IU&list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4&index=1

    * Has your #social life changed since you transitioned? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUrOnn4p6ak&list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4&index=11&t=490s

    * Has romance changed for you since you transitioned? Are you willing to share a fantasy? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcCfwc7oGCc&list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4&index=1&t=1430s

    👀 - Create #change !  

    📣 - End anti-2SLGBTQIA+ abuse! - act.newmode.net/action/hirewheller/csr

    📣 - You can #help ! Everything inspiring HireWheller stays ongoing - biased systems, ignorant platforms, violent abusers & isolated victims.

    📣 - Grassroots #power comes from its #people ! Get involved or refer others you know to challenge systemic violence & oppression!

    💻 - Connect!

    @HireWheller: A grassroots group to #help the 2SLGBTQIA+ #Community overcome often-minimized struggles.

    Instagram: https://instagram.com/hirewheller

    #Facebook :  https://www.facebook.com/HireWheller-103322085282334

    #Twitter :  https://twitter.com/HireWheller?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

    👱🏼‍♀️ - Look me up!

    TaylorLakhryst: #Transgender woman, advocate, INFJ, ♊️, she/her/hers 🏳️‍⚧️

    Linktree: linktr.ee/TaylorLakhryst

    📒 - Alt information

    * Text: Dwhell on it w/ Taylor Lakhryst Ep. 57 - Being Trans, Playing Games, Getting Loved, and More! - HIREWHELLER

    * Description: A blonde woman wearing a grey t-shirt is smiling & sitting in front of a beige wall. There is turquoise text with a grey & black accent.

    * Captions: Automated

    #Lesbian #LGBTQ #LGBT #Pride #equality

    Post

    How Presentation Affects Representation - #DwhellOnIt Ep. 56

    📺 - tinyurl.com/6cyw8k39

    🗣 - "Taylor Lakhryst was an undecided voter who participated in a #CBC program called Face to Face during last year's federal election campaign. While being on the show gave her a chance to ask questions of a party leader, she felt CBC's production choices spoiled the experience by making her appear inept and powerless."

    ❓ - What's #DwhellOnIt ?

    👀 - Dwhell On It is a series where I answer your questions about my lived experience as a #trans woman!

    📺 - A new episode gets uploaded every week! - https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4

    ‼️ - Get engaged!

    ➕ - Subscribe for more episodes & similar #Content ! - www.youtube.com/TaylorLakhryst

    ✉️ - #Comment w/ thoughts & questions!

    👍🏻 - Please like & #Share !

    🔖 - Bookmarks!

    "While you expressed #Gratitude for the #Opportunity to provide visibility on the subject of abuse toward the 2SLBGTQIA+ #Community , you felt that #CBC made choices which diluted your appearance. It left you feeling, if not misrepresented, then underrepresented."

    It feels as if #CBC chose to represent me as what I interpret as inept, powerless, and stuck with candy-coated concerns because who I am isn't palatable enough for Canadians who can't cope that #people such as myself strive to inspire and create #change .

    #social platforms highlighted my segment as being of the utmost importance on an issue that had not been placed front and centre in the campaign until my appearance.

    I continued to focus much of my argument on the treatment of my introductory video. I emphasized how problematic it was that this video highlighted "my love for #Sports and karaoke" while omitting more substantive #Comments about the importance of placing responsibility for bigotry and hate-based abuse on the abusers rather than the victims.

    "I'm an undecided voter because" and "Let's be #leaders …" were extracted from two completely different sections of what I provided. #CBC created that line and not me, and I'm not sure if that is conducive to "accuracy."

    "You stated that you followed all the directives given to you in advance by producers, yet you were the only one of the four participants given less than 40 seconds of airtime."

    "You also reiterated that #CBC exercised poor judgment when it failed to include your exchange about pronouns with #ErinOToole .”

    #CBC watered me down and presented me with the safest, most palatable and most comfortable image they could build based on the information I provided.

    "Your complaint is, first and foremost, a reminder that the stories journalists tell are not really "theirs." They are the stories of real #people with real lives, ambitions, and concerns."

    Journalistic Standards and Practices covers much ground regarding ethical #Journalism but doesn't cover specific circumstances.

    "There is more debate to be had about editing your introductory video … it's clear that those producers took two risks with your video."

    "On your frustration that the #question you asked on the show was "negotiated," … I worried it meant that programmers were forcing you to ask the questions that they wanted."

    🔗 - Links!

    How Presentation Affects Representation - tinyurl.com/yc26c89x

    Your Friends Appreciate a Random Check-In Call or Text More Than You Realize - tinyurl.com/3hbad7au

    What four undecided voters asked #ErinOToole | Face to Face 2021 - tinyurl.com/2p8ntybn

    #Media and #Journalism are transphobic. I was on #CBC News: The National Face to Face - tinyurl.com/5yfc9a65

    #Canada Voted In Favour of Policing Women's Bodies! - tinyurl.com/56b67cr9

    Is there anything that #people expect you to be good at but are very bad at? - tinyurl.com/br4j293z

    #CBC News: The National | #ErinOToole , Alberta's deadly COVID-19 surge, TIFF returns - tinyurl.com/4mvaemvy

    👀 - Create #change !  

    📣 - End anti-2SLGBTQIA+ abuse! - act.newmode.net/action/hirewheller/csr

    📣 - You can #help ! Everything inspiring HireWheller stays ongoing - biased systems, ignorant platforms, violent abusers & isolated victims.

    📣 - Grassroots #power comes from its #people ! Get involved or refer others you know to challenge systemic violence & oppression!

    💻 - Connect!

    @HireWheller: A grassroots group to #help the 2SLGBTQIA+ #Community overcome often-minimized struggles.

    Instagram: https://instagram.com/hirewheller

    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HireWheller-103322085282334

    #Twitter : https://twitter.com/HireWheller?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

    👱🏼‍♀️ - Look me up!

    TaylorLakhryst: #Transgender woman, advocate, INFJ, ♊️, she/her/hers 🏳️‍⚧️

    Linktree: linktr.ee/TaylorLakhryst

    📒 - Alt information

    * Text: Dwhell on it w/ Taylor Lakhryst Ep. 56 - How Presentation Affects Representation - HIREWHELLER

    * Description: A blonde woman wearing a black sweater is smiling & sitting in front of a beige wall. There is white text with a yellow & purple accent.

    * Captions: Automated

    #Gratitude #Opportunity #social #Sports #Comments #leaders #canadian #gender #grateful #interview #manitoba #News #Out #Respect #Safety #Success #winnipeg #Youtube #active #Activism #Anxiety #athlete #Business #causes #Charity #donate #Energy #equality #Fundraising #Lesbian #LGBT #LGBTQ #Kindness #marketing #Media #nonbinary #philanthropy #Pride

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    Resilience and adaptability to change

    I am an expert in

    Resilience (The ability to bend under pressure, rather than break.)

    and adaptability to change (Nothing stays the same so you must learn to live with uncertainty and lack of control.)

    For much of my life, I had a plan B.

    If life ever really got too much, I thought I could just bail out and kill myself.

    This may sound morbid or defeatist but actually, there was a perverse kind of comfort in it.

    When I experienced firsthand the utter devastation of bereavement by suicide, my plan B was swept off the table, along with much of my existence.

    John, my husband, best friend, father of my children, and partner in crime for over three decades died by suicide.

    His is a complex story which I tell to the best of my ability in the memoir

    “What Happened To John?” www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09XR6H963

    So age 57 life as I knew it changed totally, suddenly, without warning or time to prepare. The man I loved and relied on since I was 24 years old was gone. I was a widow, with no idea how to cope without him.

    Although it was sheer hell - when life does not pan out as expected what option is there but to be resilient and adapt?

    What alternative is there but to play the hand you’ve been dealt, rather than obsessing over the cards you hoped to get?

    When there is no plan B - you become resilient and adaptable to change - because there is no alternative.

    I am not brave, or strong. I’m just out of other options.

    #Suicide #bereaved #resilience #adaptible #change

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    I'm not entirely sure, but...

    I don't know if I'm either very distracted or happy today. Everything from my past, including certain male relationships, seem to be far behind me today. None of it matters now. I feel a complete shift within me. I don't know why, but I feel it. It might change again, but usually when I feel this type of a shift, nothing is the same. But, we shall see. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #change #distraction #happy