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Another day another struggle #Depression #CPTSD #Anxiety #Emotionalregulation #intenseemotionalpain #CharcotMarieToothDisease
I wrote a poem this evening. It’s been another struggle today. Between depression exhaustion and physical exhaustion and emotional overwhelm getting out of bed was hard. I did take my daughter to work, try to clean up the kitchen some and fed my youngest. But the rest of the day was in bed. I had to make a difficult decision regarding one of my adult kids today and another one has decided to no longer speak to me. There were other things too that I won’t get into here. But I’m hanging on, just tired of all of it. I want peace. Here’s my poem too....
I’m tired, worn down and weary.
Everyday is a new battle, a fight to stay strong.
All around is darkness, heaviness, all so dreary.
Nothing feels safe, no one to trust, I don’t belong.
I remember a time where I found joy each day.
A time when the good outweighed the bad.
The days didn’t feel so long, so hard, it was so easy to pray.
Love didn’t cause pain, and struggle wasn’t all I had.
I want it back, the light, the peace, the strength, my life.
I know there will always be hardships to go with the good.
I just want to be able to face each burden without so much strife.
I’m yearning to come out on the other side of this darkness renewed.
I’m trying, learning and unlearning but I still see a mountain yet to climb.
I still can’t see me the way my Jesus does, I see broken where I should see beauty.
I see my struggles and hold a confidence that is less than sublime.
I feel like I’m failing, unable to fulfill all my duty.
Still I hold on to a hope, ever so small, a spark barely seen amongst the ashes.
One day my heart will come back to life, my eyes once again will see the light.
I’ll no longer yearn for death, or upon my skin leave gashes.
One day, hopefully soon, I’ll once again have wings and take flight.
