Rough

Today has really been a rough day.
I work in in home care for the elderly and many of them have Alzheimers or Dementia. You kind off get used to it after a while but some days are just really hard.
I have a patient that has been doing very well these last few weeks. He remembered me and my name and knew why I was there. Today he was completely lost and scared. In his mind I was a stranger, an intruder that came to help him with things that he thought he could do himself.
In January this year he moved from his lifelong home to a small apartment in the same neighbourhood. Today he was really confused and angry that he was alone in some strange place and thought that I was locking him in there. He wanted me to go get his mom so she could explain to me that he lived with his parents. He is 86 years old.
It was completely heartbreaking for me to see that things could get so bad in one day. That a friend, a person that I care for and meet every day was so lost and scared. And the hardest part of all is to pretend that what he is saying is true. To calm him down by saying that I will contact his mom and let him think that there is nothing strange about him not knowing me.

Today was rough. But the only thing that is important is to keep calm, keep going and just hope for the best. ##AlzheimersDisease ##alzheimers ##Dementia #HealthCare #coping #HomeCare #Rough #Workplace ##Work #Pretending

Today is my first Father's Day with out my children. I dont get to be part of their lifestyle any more and it hurts more than my wife leaving me.

#Bipolar2Disorder
I struggled with BP my whole life. I've been feeling like hell lately

Today has been a rough day. I am getting some feedback from my story the other day that makes me worry. I cried, driving into work because I am scared and worried that I shouldn’t have shared my story with anyone. Should I have kept it as a secret? I do work with some of my friends; they are also aware of my story. I felt like the people that I work with, and I am close to understands my background. This should make things a little better since there are days that I am quite and don’t want to talk to anyone. Days where I am loud and crazy. Days where I look exhausted, and I feel and probably look like I want to cry. Well, today is one of the days where I look exhausted, and I want to cry.
I can’t feel the pain of feeling like someone is talking about me because I am different than the rest. Because I sit in silence and look horrible. I try to get up and do my hair, but it’s a struggle. I buy makeup to put on, but I don’t know how to do my makeup besides mascara and eyeliner to an extent, so it sits in my car and goes bad. I guess I can give my self an A for trying. I wish I could figure out to be satisfied with my life and not care what people think. As much as I show, I am brave and don’t give a crap about anyone or anything; I do care what people think of me. I worry at work, especially since I basically run one account on my own with the help of my boss when I need him. I don’t want to screw anything up. I don’t want to fail at something I love to do. I am scared to become a failure at my job because if I fail at my job ill fail at my life because I am damn good at what I do. Also, if I fail at my job, I fail at being the best mother to my three boys that are 22,20, and 4. I may not be the birth mother of my oldest two but I am sure going to be there for them until they are old. I will treat them like they are my own. I don’t want to fail for them. They have had a rough life, and I want to make sure it gets better for them. So when my days are like today, I need extra support I need to know I am doing the best I can. They only way I can get this support is to talk about my fear of talking to the people that know my story and trust the people that in my corner no matter what. I am trying to push through better self-esteem for myself, but it’s hard when all you think about was the past when you were told you basically weren’t good enough for anyone. People might look at my story and say I am making excuses for my self making excuses to feel this way at work at home really anywhere. I am not. I am trying the best I can to get through the mental issues I have. I will say though I am not alone on this journey to happiness, and I thank god every day for the people that are sticking by me when I go quote for days at a time when I do call or text anyone. I am lucky that they understand this is just a rough road for me since I was little.

#SuicideIdeation #Rough ##intenseemotionalpain

#SuicideIdeation #Rough ##intenseemotionalpain

Pain is unrelenting today