I had it in my head that I could fix myself by not being on pills and I was afraid the person I was at the moment was false. I had lost insurance so I thought well, no better time to wean myself off then now. so I did. I would look into the mirror and I didn't even physically notice who I was, I did not visually recognize the lady staring back at me. I was scared. Then came the separation from my now ex husband. I was working 3 jobs to keep us just above water, I did that for 4 years. With the divorce came bankruptcy, confused children, loss of house/home, my car, then I lost the one job. I couldn't get past the thought that I worked 3 jobs to keep us up and NOW I don't have a choice and have to loose it all. I was a failure in my eyes. Then the stress and depression and anxiety began to show on my face. It started out to be a dry patch or a small breakout, which later encompassed my lower region of my face, drs said it might be shingles, so they put me on antibiotics, didn't help, then they said well we don't think it's shingles, try this cream. That was too expensive and I was hardly covering any cost. They said well it has to be stress related. My face hurt so bad that it hurt to talk, yawn, laugh, cry, smile, and shower. I was miserable and it showed.

Slowly my face got better.
The beginning of the next year I had a mental breakdown and just could not function, I couldn't stop the racing thoughts, I couldn't think clearly, I was always upset. I went to the dr and they said it's time to go back on the things I should have never came off of. It's taken a year...the thoughts do not race like they use to, same days are better then others, some days I just want to lay in bed with my dog that was a gift to help with my anxiety and depression (BEST DOG EVER BTW).

I can say this YES it was hard.
YES it made me want to give up.
YES I wanted to just die.

There is more to my story, but this was lengthy enough.
I can tell you:
You will stand again, you will laugh, love and shed wonderful tears again. You will do your best to inspire your little monsters everyday to be the best monsters ever. you may get sad, you may have regrets...but here is where you are...and here isn't so bad.

I know this because I am YOU. #dontdragmedown #Rise above #kidssuffertoo #ohlookarainbow #ewwhathappenedtoyourface
#justdontmove #ohlookapuppy