LifeAndDeath

Sacred is my fear, holy is my thought. Death is salvation—at least for some of us all. I am definitely scared of the pain that comes, But I am even more scared of the frightening truth: Just how much I loathe the murky waters of my life. I can't help but think—I was a coward after all.

But how is it fair, in this world of so-called truth? The fated ones get it all, while I get none of it. And as if that weren’t enough, I bear the Ten of Swords— Undeniable, unfortunate, inescapable misery. And how might the world see it? For cowards like me, risking it all feels futile.

I’m so tired of this! Crying and howling, flailing. After all, I know that all I ever get is failing...#PoetryOfPain #innerstruggle #Existentialdread #TenOfSwords #LifeAndDeath #darkthoughts #EmotionalCatharsis #PoetryCommunity #TruthAndSuffering #MentalHealthAwareness

Today, early in the morning, I had a dream—a dream so blissful that it felt like a slice of heaven. But it wasn’t pristine white, nor was it a place free of worries. It wasn’t some perfect paradise devoid of sin. Instead, it was my paradise. It was filled with small joys, the kind of mundane worries that give life meaning. It felt real. I loved it so much. It was so lovely. And yet, as dreams often are, it was fleeting. When I woke, the weight of reality crushed me once again. This empty life—empty not in the freeing sense, but in the suffocating one—was there waiting for me.

For a long time, perhaps even now, I’ve been desperate to end it all. To escape. To leave behind the pain, even if it means taking the regret along with me. I regret it all—the unlived moments, the joys I longed for and never tasted. Yet, I keep asking myself: do I even have a choice? Death feels like the only way out. I know what comes after such a choice—I know where such a sin leads. Hell.

But I keep hoping. Hoping for someone, Mi Amor, to help me escape. Hoping to find something—anything—that resembles the mundane life I desire so badly. A normal life, mundane in all the ways that make it beautiful. But deep down, I wonder if I even deserve that. Isn’t it clear by now that I’m not meant for this world? That I can’t hold on to anything? That I’m doomed to suffer, to only dream of luxury and peace while carrying the weight of this reality?

It feels like the Ten of Swords in tarot—a card that speaks of unavoidable endings, of burdens too heavy to endure. Why must this suffering continue? Why can’t I find peace, even in death? I long for an easy, gentle passing—but I’m too much of a coward to take it. Am I weak for wanting both—to live and to die? To escape and to stay? I don’t know what I want anymore.

All I know is this: I dream of sanctuary, of finding something mundane and safe, far away from the worries that haunt my waking life. I want to let it all go. I offer my body, mind, and soul—the parts of me that have been claimed over and over again. Take them once more and let me drift away. I can’t face this reality. The truth of it is too much to bear.

Call me a coward if you like—I don't care. Let the world think of me that way. It matters only that you, the one who truly knows me, understand just how much I have endured. May death finally claim me, and with it, may I find an end to this unbearable weight... #MentalHealth #hopelessness #DreamsVsReality #TenOfSwords #CopingWithPain #InnerStruggles #LifeAndDeath #SeekingPeace #healingjourney #DreamOfSanctuary #EmotionalWeight

Have you ever thought of the meaning of life? Let’s not use religious languages. Each of us came to to this world without choice of his/her own. We came from nothing. Then, we have to work hard, fight hard, and suffer from all kinds of hardship to live through our lives. And then, we return to nothing. Millions and millions lives end with tragedies. Even for those who die “normally”, there is still less time to enjoy than to suffer in their lives.

Think about all the animals in the world. One serves only as the others’ food, except for few of them which we call pets. Human beings are not much different from animals.

When you want to have children, have you ever think of what their lives would be like, and how their lives would end? You are not able to guarantee anything about your children, but you just want to have “lovable babies” or even just want to have sex regardless of the consequences. So most of us came to this world as results of parents’ irresponsibilities.

Our local animal shelters have great thoughts on animals. All dogs are neutered before being adopted. This is a great idea - taking good care of every life, but not producing more lives.

This would be my choice if I could go back in time.

The world without human beings and all animals would be a beautiful and peaceful world!!!

Your comments are welcome.