I’ve been struggling with strong depression and hopelessness, my brain just wants to give up and give in. Does anyone have advice?
#SuicidalThoughts #Depression #hopelessness #mentalhealthadvice #PTSD
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Hi everyone! I often read posts on The Mighty and appreciate them all, but I don't often actively interact or post my own stories. Today I'm, for the first time feeling so hopeless and helpless that I'm thinking that not existing at all is a serious option. While I've denied having passive suicidal ideations, I'm pretty sure that is what I'm experiencing. I've dealt pretty effectively with all the things that get me down, but today...as I contemplate my extreme financial strains, lack of an in-person support network, facing my rent going up, and wondering how in the world I'm going to take care of needed car repairs, having enough food (since my benefits were cut from $280 to $71 per month), and dealing with extreme feelings of isolation...I'm for the first time thinking ceasing to exist is an option. And I'm scared. I'm sixty-eight years old, barely living on SS income, and feeling completely isolated and alone...and I just don't know how to handle it.
I've been prescribed an antidepressant, which I will begin taking today...but that isn't helping my feelings of desperation and anger that our systems are so broken, or that there is little help for so many of us. Trying to deal with the red tape and confusing process to apply for subsidized housing...and then seeing just how long it may take to get anywhere with that...with extensive waitlist times and how overwhelmed the system is, is just adding to my current state of not knowing what to do, or how much longer I can keep up any semblance of a happy face or keep my anger and frustration from spilling over into every aspect of my life.
I've even been considering admitting myself into a hospital for help to get me through this...but that is a bit horrifying all by itself. What does one do when help seems so out of reach and so complicated to acquire? I'm seeing a psychiatrist...which is helpful, and my medication doctor (who I have to go through for medication help) seems coldly distant and often unhelpful...which doesn't deal with or help my daily feelings of hopelessness and helplessness when I'm by myself and alone with my thoughts and frustrations. Any advice from the community will be much appreciated.#Depression #Anxiety #hopelessness #helplessness #Sleep #Loss #Isolation #Pain
Thank you!
Mary
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I recently joined 'reddit' and posted a comment on a self harm scar. My comment was insensitive and I will not repeat it here. It was the reply that I received which really opened my eyes to my own trauma.
The reply from the "redditor" was "I am sorry you are feeling powerless over your own body". I never thought about it this way. I know one thing for sure. The trauma took something away from me that day. It took my confidence and my care free attitude and left a bitter taste in my mouth.
I want that happy go lucky kid back. The other side of the argument is finally growing up and entering the 'real world'. It could be a combination of both although I consider it was mostly my poor decisions catching up with me.
12 long years have passed since I was assaulted and time has done little to heal the pain. I am just as angry and grief stricken as the day the incident occurred. I was not in control of the situation and maybe this is why I feel the way that I do?
Revenge plays on my mind a lot and I catch myself drifting in and out of seeking vengeance. I have medication which temporarily assists in levelling my emotions and focusing on the here and now.
My mind will play tricks on me from time to time; starting me off on a road of revenge only to lead me to grief and misery. I am of the belief that revenge will do little to heal my pain as the damage has well and truly been done.
#power #powerless #MightyTogether #TheMighty #Friends #foes #Love #hate #betrayal #Depression #ChronicFatigue #PTSD #Pain #suffering #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Scars #Trauma #Revenge #rut #despair #hopelessness #self #Selfesteem #Confidence #Happiness #Hope #pleasure #Healing #Recovery #Addiction #selfmedicate #Hope #Emotion #CPTSD #Grief #Survivor
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Leonard Cohen: You Want it Darker (song)
'A million candles burning for the help that never came'
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I’m new here and wanted to say hi. The chair in the photo represents how I feel when I’m down and not doing good.
#Depresion #Anxiety #CPTSD #Aspergers #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #MedicalTrauma #religious Trauma #Workplace Trauma #significant childhood trauma #ChildhoodAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #PsychologicalAbuse #Rejection #Selfhate #hopelessness #Loss #selfsabotage
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I don’t have a lot to say right now. Can’t muster the strength. Feeling really depressed and hopeless about my life. #Depression #Anxiety #hopelessness
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I'm in a bad way today. I feel worthless and invisible outside of my house. I found out today I am being passed over for a different job so a young man I helped get hired could have the job. I have worked there 11 years, him 8 months. This move could have helped me stay working longer as it was not as physically demanding. The only time friends and family call is if they need someone to listen. I'm feeling isolated. I suffer from anxiety, so of course I am imagining worst case scenario. I have an appointment Thursday for pain management, but I don't have high hopes. I do not elicit feelings of compassion from people. I am who I am. My window for getting things done gets shorter and shorter. I am rambling now. This life is hard; it has always been hard, will always be hard.
What Kind of Apathy Do You Have?
It occurred to me that there are many causes for apathy, so I thought I would explore them here. If you think of any that I have not listed, please share!
Apathy from a HEALTH ISSUE, as a symptom (depression, Huntington’s, Parkinson’s, schizophrenia, stroke, dementias, etc…)
Apathy from a MEDICATION, as a side-effect (antidepressants, antipsychotics, and more…)
Apathy from a BELIEF that everything is pointless because nothing matters OR because you will never be able to improve your situation
Apathy from FEAR that there is no way out of your situation OR that you don’t deserve anything better OR that attempts to improve it will only make it worse
Apathy from AVOIDANCE of a painful or toxic situation
Apathy from chronic FATIGUE, because you just cannot find the energy to do anything
#apathy #BipolarDepression #Depression #ChronicDepression #MajorDepression #PostnatalDepression #PostpartumDepression #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #SeasonalDepression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Fibromyalgia #Stroke #Dementia #hopelessness #Fatigue
This might help others become better aware if we describe how and what we’re feeling ❤️
#MentalHealth #Depression #ChronicDepression #ChronicIllness #Diabetes #DiabetesType1 #DiabetesType2 #PostpartumDepression #PTSD #truama #hopelessness #Support
So I much rather wish killing them all rather than have them kill me. The devastation in my life and its brutal after effects that has become a constant has vaporized all my motivation, my sanity, my energy.There’s so much guilt and shame.worse at my age i’m also denied some comfort and reassurance of any siblings, kids and even from my extended family whom in any case i never much trusted to confide or share. Friends i have very few who remain mostly mute and distant. My partner was all i had before some vicious curse and blight incapacitated her physically forcing her to take the decision for separation. I failed her as a caregiver. if anyone here is empathetic, you could imagine the trauma such a turn of events could have on not just me but her too . But her physical frailties made her stoic and strong even as I buckled under sheer helplessness, guilt, shame and have been living in ignominy since. i still love her so much…miss her terribly and the overwhelming sense of abandoning her ( not that i abandoned her on my own volition but just had to give in to her ultimatum as she felt she deserved some respite from her misery where seeing a caregiver crumbling in his ability only made her feel worse 😢 and she felt she was setting me free.my pleadings, my protestations were to no avail…if ever poignancy could have be so cruel…it has to be this!) consumes my every living moment.
Killing myself is a constant thought…want to. keeping myself alive i feel i will only be living in bad faith…But I also fear what if i fail even in death? For failing in life wasn’t bad enough, to fail in death leaving me physically debilitated would take away even the dignity of death 😣😭!
nothing gives, no sense of self worth, even as I attempt to engage myself and move on but the sheer weight of the loss and in such humiliating circumstances overpowers me. Miss her, our dogs ( lovely, lovely souls who represented the best creation could offer 😢) the beautiful house we built in the hills from scratch with its charming garden and importantly the blissful moments of togetherness we shared before the devil had to sabotage it all!😣 Bad karma bad karma
I so wish there could be someone to tell that it was not my fault, i did my best, i still have something to offer to someone if not the world…I remain cocooned afraid of the world, people even as some medicines from my shrink and some words of professional help keep me alive.
I use these posts to pour my heart out…i seriously can’t share these on other social media platforms which is meant to celebrate self and life in all its narcissism. The (false) positivity that saturates life where people build images and narratives of constant bubble, froth animating their lives, where would such positively negative narratives like mine fit in? More so in which I seem to be the villain? Please help me folks and do send me vibes & prayers that are truly compassionate & heartfelt 🙏🏽 #suicidal #hopelessness #Grief #Trauma
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