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Every Morning

Every morning I wake up and lately I have wanted to just scream and cry, but I can't. Do you ever feel like you are living the same day over and over again? It's like you wake up and think, "Seriously, didn't I just do this all yesterday?"

I imagine most non depressed/anxious individuals think or feel nothing when their alarm rings, and they proceed to start their day. My mother is one of them. She is awake and making breakfast at the same time early in the morning. She thrives on God, church, taking care of others and accomplishing her daily goals. She is happy inside of her bubble no matter what life throws at her.

I on the other hand feel doomed the minute I open my eyes. It's been a difficult 5 years. Before that, it was 10 years and before that I was hard at work in grad school.

Yes, that would make me about 38 years old. I also still live with my parents despite graduating top of my class in undergrad and doing everything in my power to live a relatively 'normal life'. You know, the American dream. The life with the house, car and fur-babies. (Ok, they are fur babies in my book because I know I cannot handle children on top of my other various health conditions. I don't think any child or person should have to endure the hereditary suffering I have, but more on that later.) There is more to the story but let's just say there isn't a tsunami of crazy life that I have not encountered.

I wake up every morning already feeling the stress of the day not even knowing I am conscious. Lately, most days I wish I could sleep more, take a drive by myself or just watch Christmas movies bundled in a comfortable blanket. Some days I give myself permission to do this. Yoga and music are often another great escape during these stressful times.

However mostly, I have felt hopeless that life will continue to be me waking up to yesterday's issues. The rat race of life becomes faster and faster and I become slower and older.

In the words of "Jeezy" in one of his infamous songs "Soul Survivor" I find some comfort that I am not the only one living like this. I quote, "This ain't a rap song, n****, this is my life, And if the hood was a battlefield, then I'd earn stripes (Yeah)".

It's just another day. It's just another day, everyday, every morning.

#mentalhealth #Depression #Anxiety #hopelessness #struggle #tired #stressed #MentalIllness #Survivor #jeezy #soulsurvivor #americanlife #Normality

9 reactions 3 comments

I need some mental health advice…

I’ve been struggling with strong depression and hopelessness, my brain just wants to give up and give in. Does anyone have advice?

#SuicidalThoughts #Depression #hopelessness #mentalhealthadvice #PTSD

41 reactions 11 comments

When depression and anxiety make me feel liking giving up.

Hi everyone! I often read posts on The Mighty and appreciate them all, but I don't often actively interact or post my own stories. Today I'm, for the first time feeling so hopeless and helpless that I'm thinking that not existing at all is a serious option. While I've denied having passive suicidal ideations, I'm pretty sure that is what I'm experiencing. I've dealt pretty effectively with all the things that get me down, but today...as I contemplate my extreme financial strains, lack of an in-person support network, facing my rent going up, and wondering how in the world I'm going to take care of needed car repairs, having enough food (since my benefits were cut from $280 to $71 per month), and dealing with extreme feelings of isolation...I'm for the first time thinking ceasing to exist is an option. And I'm scared. I'm sixty-eight years old, barely living on SS income, and feeling completely isolated and alone...and I just don't know how to handle it.

I've been prescribed an antidepressant, which I will begin taking today...but that isn't helping my feelings of desperation and anger that our systems are so broken, or that there is little help for so many of us. Trying to deal with the red tape and confusing process to apply for subsidized housing...and then seeing just how long it may take to get anywhere with that...with extensive waitlist times and how overwhelmed the system is, is just adding to my current state of not knowing what to do, or how much longer I can keep up any semblance of a happy face or keep my anger and frustration from spilling over into every aspect of my life.

I've even been considering admitting myself into a hospital for help to get me through this...but that is a bit horrifying all by itself. What does one do when help seems so out of reach and so complicated to acquire? I'm seeing a psychiatrist...which is helpful, and my medication doctor (who I have to go through for medication help) seems coldly distant and often unhelpful...which doesn't deal with or help my daily feelings of hopelessness and helplessness when I'm by myself and alone with my thoughts and frustrations. Any advice from the community will be much appreciated.#Depression #Anxiety #hopelessness #helplessness #Sleep #Loss #Isolation #Pain

Thank you!


9 reactions 2 comments


I recently joined 'reddit' and posted a comment on a self harm scar. My comment was insensitive and I will not repeat it here. It was the reply that I received which really opened my eyes to my own trauma.

The reply from the "redditor" was "I am sorry you are feeling powerless over your own body". I never thought about it this way. I know one thing for sure. The trauma took something away from me that day. It took my confidence and my care free attitude and left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I want that happy go lucky kid back. The other side of the argument is finally growing up and entering the 'real world'. It could be a combination of both although I consider it was mostly my poor decisions catching up with me.

12 long years have passed since I was assaulted and time has done little to heal the pain. I am just as angry and grief stricken as the day the incident occurred. I was not in control of the situation and maybe this is why I feel the way that I do?

Revenge plays on my mind a lot and I catch myself drifting in and out of seeking vengeance. I have medication which temporarily assists in levelling my emotions and focusing on the here and now.

My mind will play tricks on me from time to time; starting me off on a road of revenge only to lead me to grief and misery. I am of the belief that revenge will do little to heal my pain as the damage has well and truly been done.

#power #powerless #MightyTogether #TheMighty #Friends #foes #Love #hate #betrayal #Depression #ChronicFatigue #PTSD #Pain #suffering #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Scars #Trauma #Revenge #rut #despair #hopelessness #self #Selfesteem #Confidence #Happiness #Hope #pleasure #Healing #Recovery #Addiction #selfmedicate #Hope #Emotion #CPTSD #Grief #Survivor

11 reactions 2 comments
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Strength to those struggling right now #MentalHealth #BipolarDepression #Depression #hopelessness #Suicide

Leonard Cohen: You Want it Darker (song)
'A million candles burning for the help that never came'

16 reactions 1 comment

Feeling Really Down

I don’t have a lot to say right now. Can’t muster the strength. Feeling really depressed and hopeless about my life. #Depression #Anxiety #hopelessness

49 reactions 14 comments

Struggling #hopelessness #ChronicPain #RelapsingPolychondritis #Neuropathy

I'm in a bad way today. I feel worthless and invisible outside of my house. I found out today I am being passed over for a different job so a young man I helped get hired could have the job. I have worked there 11 years, him 8 months. This move could have helped me stay working longer as it was not as physically demanding. The only time friends and family call is if they need someone to listen. I'm feeling isolated. I suffer from anxiety, so of course I am imagining worst case scenario. I have an appointment Thursday for pain management, but I don't have high hopes. I do not elicit feelings of compassion from people. I am who I am. My window for getting things done gets shorter and shorter. I am rambling now. This life is hard; it has always been hard, will always be hard.

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Different Reasons for Being Apathetic

What Kind of Apathy Do You Have?

It occurred to me that there are many causes for apathy, so I thought I would explore them here. If you think of any that I have not listed, please share!

Apathy from a HEALTH ISSUE, as a symptom (depression, Huntington’s, Parkinson’s, schizophrenia, stroke, dementias, etc…)

Apathy from a MEDICATION, as a side-effect (antidepressants, antipsychotics, and more…)

Apathy from a BELIEF that everything is pointless because nothing matters OR because you will never be able to improve your situation

Apathy from FEAR that there is no way out of your situation OR that you don’t deserve anything better OR that attempts to improve it will only make it worse

Apathy from AVOIDANCE of a painful or toxic situation

Apathy from chronic FATIGUE, because you just cannot find the energy to do anything

#apathy #BipolarDepression #Depression #ChronicDepression #MajorDepression #PostnatalDepression #PostpartumDepression #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #SeasonalDepression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Fibromyalgia #Stroke #Dementia #hopelessness #Fatigue