#MightyPoets

Looking back on what I should have said

And the doors that slammed shut

In the wake of words that always fell short

Am I to blame for not knowing what to say

On ground I’ve never trod before?

Tripping over my tongue

Until time tempers the endless confusion

And reveals the only truth that ever mattered at all

Understanding arrives too late to help

But just in time to mourn.

#Depression #Suicide #PTSD #Trauma #MentalHealth #Disability #MightyPoets

Trigger warning: This poem contains depictions of past abuse and trauma. If you are sensitive to this line of topic, please do not read further then thie message. Your mental health is more important than the poems.

Hope you enjoy.....

.....

It is hard

Being my authentic self

Pressured to keep bad company

Despite affecting my mental health

What can I do?

No matter how

Hard I try

You'll always

Accuse me telling a lie

This is ridiculous

It feels as if

I am in a circus

The goal-post always changes

Without my acknowledgment

It is because I am “defective”

with “poor judgement”?

You insinuate that I cannot do

Anything without proof

But act differently towards others

And not aloof

Double standards reveals

True colours of an individual

Putting on a show

Or a facade

Yet, when I disagree

Your resentment would grow

Like a mustard tree

Taller than most houses as it seems

Deeply rooted onto the ground

Similar to my broken self-esteem

There are days

Where I cannot go on

And pretend anymore

Wearing a mask to please others

But what is this all for?

I desire to be seen

As clear as a crystal ball

Not to be treated poorly

Fate can be truly abysmal

My other siblings

Are treated with respect

One can even speak German

But with me?

I am seen as less

Than a vermin.

Being infantilized

Is one of the worst

Feeling ever

A disability

Does not suggest

you are less clever

Yet, here you are

With hatred and ableism

It is all you have

Might are well

Abuse me years ago

Does that ring a bell?

I have been battered,

Punched, spat and choked

By a loved one

But everyone find this to be a joke

Typical

Why am I not surprised anymore?

It is hard

Finding my voice through expression

As I am sinking in deep depression

When given a chance

To form words

I am ignored

Like a flock of mocking birds

A wise man told

Me this once

Blood is not thicker the

Water he said

Trusting the wrong people

Is what most dread

Sometimes I wish

I was never born

In a world

Where outcast given a

cold-shoulder or scorned

#MentalHealth #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Depression #Loneliness #Anxiety #MightyPoets #Selfcare #Trauma #ChronicFatigue #Neurodiversity #SocialAnxiety #SelfharmRecovery #Grief

TRIGGER WARNING: This poem contains sensitive topics such as suicidal ideations, mental health and anxiety. If you cannot handle such sensitive imagery, please do not read further than this message. I am receiving professional help at the moment and recovering from suicidal ideations. This poem is just me expressing my pain.

Hope you enjoy.....

......

As I lay on my side

Questioning my existence

After life’s crazy ride

Struggling to make sense of things

Why am I lost

In my own dark thoughts?

Am I in the wrong?

My fives primal sense

Once was active, clear and robust

Now is nothing more

than a shallow husk

Each day gets harder

To leave my bed

Pondering “Perhaps

I would be better off dead.”

Am I in the wrong?

The lights are on

But no one is there

As I reach out for help

No person seems to care

Am I in the wrong?

Whilst in social settings

My mask often tightens the grip

In hopes of never being discovered

Yet, when I snapped

It’s harder to be recovered

Although I may not appear it

I am a freak

With a wounded spirit

Who needs deep healing

Am I in the wrong?

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #MightyPoets #Loneliness #Depression #MajorDepressiveDisorder #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Neurodiversity #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Selfcare #SelfharmRecovery #SocialAnxiety #ablelism

Trigger Warning: This poem contains sensitive topics, dark imagery and graphic depictions of suicidal thoughts. Keep in mind, this is just a poem and not to be taken out of context. Unfortunately for others to hear, I do have a rather dark-toned voice when it comes to writing stories in a poetry format. See this as self-expression and a way to transmute pain into art. As I am already seeking professional help.

If anyone is sensitive to this topic, please do not read further than this message. Your mental health is more important than my art.

......

My arousal

Is it depart from this

God-forsaken planet

Permanently

Not tempted to look back

At the past mistakes

Filled with unfathomable regrets

How can I or anyone close forget?

The relationships

I have obliterated

And ended prematurely

Perhaps it would be

Sapient to fly off

The nearest cliff

To finally end the prolonged

Suffering once

And for all

Aspire to vanish

In the midst

Of a perfect storm

Or arrive at cosy

Setting that is warm

Who am I fooling?

I cannot live on

Like this

Spiralling into a

internal abyss

Inner peace

Shattered

Dreams and hopes

For the future

Battered

Into a million pieces

Before my eyes

As if my whole life

Have been a

Big fat lie

I often flirt with death

Through living in

A heedless manner

Who gives a toss

about a defective planner?

As I strolled

Through an eerie

Swamp

Appeared to be all in black

Absences of any hue

Colour it would lack

Descending into more

Intrusive thoughts

Then stumbled into

an invisible web

All caught up thus far

Accepting the entanglement

Just as peaceful

As a spa

Ironically….

Futile to break free

From my own shackles

Cannot saved through

my own insanity

Perplexed in the

Stygian and chilling swamp

Contemplating on

My life or future

In profound estrangement

And dread

Stream of tears

Began to shred

“Is this what I truly desire?”

I questioned

“Who am I leaving behind?”

If only I can

Rewrite the past or rewind.

#MentalHealth #Depression #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Loneliness #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #SuicidalThoughts #Anxiety #Selfcare #SocialAnxiety #MightyPoets #Neurodiversity #SuicidePrevention #Poetry

Crumpled in the corner

Sagging from the heat

Cradling my head in my hands

Because the earth is screaming

Life nailed to the earth

Beneath winter’s bite

Poe’s pendulum shrunken

in each grain of snow

The cloak of winter

Sloughed from the soil

What was frost is now blood

What was sharp is now melting

Life sleeps in a cradle of possibility

And awakens into horror.

What cruelty compels this stirring

This breaking of peaceful repose?

I cradle my head in my hands

Because the earth is screaming

What was peaceful in stillness

Is bleeding

I can’t live like this anymore.

#Depression #MentalHealth #Trauma #PTSD #Suicide #Disability #MightyPoets

I have reached the end

Living has smeared me thin.

And I can’t keep from breaking anymore.

I want to be where you are.

Unbroken. Whole.

Running through your meadow

As the sunbeams grow

But dying smeared you, too.

Tiny sparks raining from a tissue

Of light. Dispersed in the darkness

Until they can’t be seen.

Solute in the solution

Of oblivion.

I will carry you until I go.

Then these words will catch the faintest glow

Paint your silhouette from the shadows

When someone sees you here, you aren’t gone

And I can bear being alone

Until my sparks sputter as the darkness comes.

And nothing and I become one. #Depression #MentalHealth #Suicide #Trauma #PTSD #MightyPoets