feeling mixed today. slept ok but I'm still a bit sluggish. still need to get things done around the house for my bro in law's visit this weekend and even tho I feel up to it I still feel a bit down. feeling both elevated and down at the same time. hoping to use my coping skills to get thru this. I've had mixed states before and they are not fun. #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #MixedStates
Two days ago I got a job for the first time since I dropped out of college 2 and a half years ago.
Story time: I had to leave my dream school because I was diagnosed with #Bipolar1 after a month long #ManicEpisode that was one of the scariest periods of my life.
I was hospitalized for a month and a week I missed Halloween and my dad and sister’s birthdays. I home for thanksgiving but I stayed home alone and ate cold chicken. It was not the worst moment.
After about two weeks I had to be #Involuntarilycommitted to the same #Mentalward for another month and a half. For the first week I was on constant watch. Which means you have to be in a trained babysitters sight at all times. They can’t pay as many of these babysitters as they need so we had to share. That meant I had to wait to go to the bathroom until some nurse could come watch which was very hard because I had to constantly drink a ton for my meds.
I spent Christmas, New Years and my little sisters birthday in the hospital. My dog died while I was in there too. I stayed up all night and sadly watched as Donald Trump surpassed Hilary Clintons number of electoral college votes in the 2016 election.
When I finally left I left 17 pounds heavier than I came in. I was prescribed a medication depakote that made me gain weight retain a ton of water and it only kept getting worse. In two and a half months I had gone from 140 pounds to 175. It was terrible on my joints. I couldn’t do anything physical and I almost developed diabetes. Thank god in May of that year I stopped taking that medication.
It’s has been a crazy road since then. I have been very sick physically because of medications, #Manic again, in more #MixedStates than I can count. Had bouts of depression and anxiety and barely barely escaped being #hospitalized again.
I have lost a lot of the weight. I have improved my medication combination and am on a lot less heavy and sedating medication. After trying to go back to college again three times I decided to take a break from that and get a job and two days ago #Igotajob !!!
This is only a very brief snippet of my mental health journey, which started when I was five but my message to you is #Ihavebipolardisorder and I am succeeding. I didn’t think it was possible but I am beginning to learn how to be bipolar and have a life I can be proud of.
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