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Home with mom - An emotionally unsafe environment
I don't feel safe at my home. Not physically or financially but emotionally and mentally. The only reason is my mom, everytime I try to get comfortable and relax, she makes me realize how I am not that free. Whenever I am happy and act playful or crack silly jokes, she makes sure that I take back my words or I don't be too much. God, it's like being stuck in a backroom, everything looks familiar and safe, but you know everything is wrong with the place you just pin point. I hope one day I am genuinely free of her and live peacefully. I want to breathe, I want to sleep properly, I am done being suffocated and crying myself sleep 2 days in a week. Over the years she has killed all my desires and wants I had. Now I am only concerned with my survival, I hope I get to live this life happily for once and forever. I fear this suffering is taking toll on my physical health as well, as my chest feels heavy and it constantly hurts, the pain is not unbearable, but its always there.
I post all this here, because I don't have anyone to share my grief with, no one understands and they get annoyed and bored if I open up. So I don't open and just joke around my friends and family, that's why I write and post it over here.
Peace to everyone reading this!
