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Toxic mom

I don't know what to do. I just know I'm miserable. I battle depression and anxiety since I was 14 years old when the first time I told my mother I felt like it was something wrong with me and thar I needed a psychiatrist. She laughed it off turned her back. Now I'm 55 ans she still does the same thing and it hurts like hell. She wants me to listen to her when she talks about how sick my uncle is and how she's worried about him and I get it but it's constant everyday all day she talks about him. This is the same man that said inappropriate things to me when I was an 8-year-old and I've never spoken about it. Then I have to listen to How one of her friends has severe back pain and she's in so much pain and she just doesn't know what she's going to do. Although I am in therapy, I wish I could talk to my mother she's the only one I have but every time I attempt she either corrects me, dismisses me or doesn't think my illness is real and important. And the last 4 months I've had three severe migraines where I was unable to get out of bed nor was I able to open my eyes due to the bright light. I go downstairs and every single light in the house is on. She said me when I did come downstairs what these lights don't bother me you can turn them off if they bother you. Bother me? If feel like someone is constantly putting a camera flash in my eyes and punching me in the back of the head. She has always downplayed any symptoms I've had that are related to my depression and anxiety. Although I'm an adult, I still want to be close to my mother. She'll be 80 years old soon and I feel like I'm going to go before she does. It hurts too much. Every time I hear about a suicide I always say to her oh my God they must have been in so much pain. I know how that feels, I say to her and I get no response. After being on my own for 25 plus years due to a mental breakdown and financial difficulties I had to move back home. It was the last thing in the world I wanted to do. The traumatized little girl in me still thinks she's mean.

We live in a fairly large house and I think the best thing I need to do for myself and my mental health is to stay clear of her and to never discuss my mental illness with her I'll just sit there and listen to her vent about other people's pain. In order for me to get through this life I'm going to have to learn to deal with her and conclude that she just does not care about that part of me. She makes me feel so alone. I just want to crawl into the deepest darkest corner of a room and just stay there.

I'm sorry for such a long post and I did not proofread it so I'm sure there are many grammar mistakes but I'm going to bed now and hopefully I can sleep peacefully. Thank you guys for being there. #Suicide #Toxicmom #BipolarDepression

71 reactions 15 comments

Now I‘m alone

Now I'm sitting here with only my best friend; she's the only one I have left. My mother doesn't text me anymore because I told her that it can't go on like this - I'm dying in the relationship. And now it hurts. It hurts to see mother and daughters somewhere who are happy, and to see parents who are good to children and love them. It hurts. I'd like to write to her, but what's the point? #Toxicmom #Toxic #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Disappointed

1 reaction 25 comments

I’m finally done with my f’d up family

Just had to tell someone. I’ve had an unhealthy relationship with my mother and stepfather for years I’ve just put up with but this week it got to the point I can’t take anymore, so we stopped talking. I feel relieved. I may reconnect with my
Mother down the road, but they haven’t been supportive of my health issues and I’ve been a great daughter. They never appreciated me. They’re going through another toxic separation and maybe divorce and at 34 yrs old I want no part of it. I was part of the last one and it sucked. My mom bombards me with constant negativity each day through texts I wake up to. She got rid of the dog I gave her after complaining no one visited enough so she needed a dog. She doesn’t examine her own behavior when truthfully both her and her husband are wretched. They never supported my journey in getting better and just acted like I was in the way. I’m finally done with the abuse and toxicity. I don’t really care if I ever see them again. #ToxicPeople #Toxicmom #toxicfamily

1 comment

childhood trauma #Trauma

As a young kid I was always exposed to toxic people and mental illness. It always came out in the most traumatic of ways. My mother, the person meant to care, nurture, and protect me and my siblings.. she would threaten and even attempted to drive into oncoming buses, 18 wheelers, and so much more. She’d use suicide as a way to get us to listen or behave. She always threatened to slit her wrists or her throat and let us watch as she bled out as a way to get us to “respect” her. People wonder why me and two of my siblings are so screwed up. Its because of the way we were raised. I wonder how we aren’t worse than we are. The younger one of us is the lucky one. We always did our best to shield all of the mess and drama from her. I now have a son and have no idea how you can do those things or even threaten them in front of a child. Even in my darkest of days I would never in a million years even think to threaten him like that. #Suicide #threats #Toxicmom #ChildhoodAbuse

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My Mother and I have a strained relationship in that she has toxic behaviors that really trigger my BPD and results in huge blowouts. She has reached out this morning to mend fences, however, I am not sure she understands why I reacted that way and if she gets what she did. Do we forgive people for not understanding or do you risk a bigger fight to explain the actual problem. #Bpdmindgames #Mothers #Forgiveness #Toxicmom


Do you find yourself believing they are being honest? #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticMother #Narcissitparent

I know, by a fact that they haven’t change and that everything they do has a motive behind it, but I can’t help but to find myself wondering if maybe just maybe they are just being honest. I end up with this internal battle and I know we have been here before and if I give in, if I give them a chance (again) I’ll end up in the same vicious cycle I have landed so many times before.
Any advice on how to deal with this?
#Toxicmom #toxicparent #ToxicRelationships


Feeling Guilty Over This Decision But #ToxicRelationships

I've made the decision to go no contact with my parents, for at least a while. My mom can't say anything nice or without a nasty, sarcastic slide to it.  I've always been supportive of her and she snaps back at me, not once but twice in one week about issues of self-harm and family.
Dad has suggested some time of no contact.  Despite her being hurtful, going no contact can be difficult, so I have it set up with my local crisis line that when I want to call my parents I will actually call the crisis line.
The other thing I can do is come on here and ask for support, like now.  I don't want to get hurt again, so here I am.
Blessings #Toxicmom #wordsmatter #Selfharm



Ok so I have for the last 20 years been on several therapies with different approches, background, men and women...all of them had one thing to tell me «  your mother is toxic to you” “she is the reason you’re always going to fail at every therapy “ for 20 years I felt shame and guilt for having a bad relationship with her for being the ungrateful daughter and the only one that could never appreciate how extremely great and perfect she is ...this women has called me names, told me I was fat since I am 16 even If by all standards I have a healthy weight, disapproved my every choices in life that were not what she taught was the “right” thing and recently she went to the extent making false allegations to have me put into the psychiatric ward for 72 hours ( mind you I was released in less than 24 once the doctor met and talked to me saying I have no reason to keep you in here and maybe you should set boundaries with her... and then when she learned I was released she called CAS to have my children temporarily taken from my custody ...but even then you know I told myself that you only have one mother ...the guilt so for the last 2 weeks I kept away from her and felt my energy back and I felt that my emotions were back to normal ... and this afternoon she came to my son show and the minute we were alone the gloves were off and an emotional beating issued...I came back home stressed, anxious, depressed, guilty, upset and angry... and while I was loosing my patience with my husband and kids I realized that all the negative she dumped on me poisoned me so much that I was now taking it out on the people that I love the most and so after more than 20 years I have decided tonight that it was going to stop! I can’t take another drop of poison cause if I do I will surely fall down to the abyss of depression again and she will have won... I know many will judge me or won’t understand or feel I am a horrible person and heartless but I am this point it’s self preservation in order to be a good mother and a good wife... I cannot let her put me in such emotional turmoil over and over again making me loose the will to fight and plunging me in weeks of darkness and self hatred... I do apologize to anyone I offended my post but I just needed to put in words the pain and hopeless feelings that were overwhelming me after our last conversation... I do not wish ill upon her and will always help if she asks but for now I must divorce her.


How to deal? #toxicparent #Toxicmom #ToxicRelationships #Depression #Anxiety

My mom has always been a toxic influence in my life. Now, at 36 with a family of my own; I’m constantly being emotionally played upon by her. She’ll react to something good in my world and if it wasn’t her doing, she goes into pity mode and makes me feel like I’m a horrible person for not praising her. I try to keep a healthy relationship for the sake of my kids...but I am soo tired of her bullshit. It makes my moods go all over the place to the point my family life suffers from time to time. Any advice?