DysfunctionalFamily

Sadly, last week was disastroustly stressful. My mom had an accident on my brand new carpet that I had to clean up then that weekend I got yelled at by my bitter eldest sister. I was so baffled and confused.

My entire heart felt like it was becoming detach so that it can begin to fall into a never ending void.

I was so taken aback because I was unsure as to why she verbally attacked me. Especially when she knew of the week I had caring for our mom.

Now, to give a bit of insight on our relationship. My sister is one of those people who has a super short temper. And it’s like walking on eggshells when you enter a conversation with her. I always have to make sure that I am mentally prepared for whatever she decides to sprew before answering any of her calls.

I am writing this on The Mighty so that I can get it out of my heart and move on to the healing phase. Because this happened last Sunday and I’ve been tossing and turning, losing sleep over it every since.

Because when you have sacrificed so much for a person and not receive the same efforts in return it becomes torture to one’s mental health. I am thinking though when I look back that maybe she was only pretending to be nice to me so that she can use me.

I have traveled 9hrs to be there for her when she was sick. I loaned her money on several different occasions whenever she asked and she has never paid back what she owed. Also just a little FYI me loaning money to her has always put my family in a financial bind but we always just try and use local resources that we have within our community.

However, I think that when I finally told her that I couldn’t loan her anymore money that was when she decided to be disrespectful. I told her that my husband and I went out for tacos and she screamed in my ear asking why I didn’t bring our mom along.

I am a caregiver for my mom but this was a night out for my husband and I. And on another note. No one else has offered to help care for our mom. I’ve had her for two years and whenever I call to let them know that I need help I get no response. Plus what business was it for her to even question me about our mom when she don’t even pick up the phone to call and check on her. She has never offered to let her stay with her for a holiday to give me a break.

Every since the ordeal with her I have been having a headache and my hair seems to be shedding because of the stress. So I am going to leave this here on the mighty and take a break from social media to focus on clearing my mind, removing toxic people from my life, and to make a promise to myself to never allow a toxic family member back into my life (this isn’t my first rodeo with her). I tried to cut ties with her before but she called apologizing once before and like I stated before I believe she only did that to have access to my kindness. Only to take advantage of me.

I close this in hopes to move on, reduce stress, and to get back to happiness. Because my taco night with my husband was pure happiness until my toxic sister called to ruin it all for me.

#overthinking #PTSD #DysfunctionalFamily

Me with my dad 4 months before he passed away. I edited this photo today as a reminder of strength and discipline; because, "it's better to be alone than to be abused" by anyone.

Quote from the book, Codependent - Now What?

It’s Not You — It’s Your Programming by Lisa A. Romano

Book link: www.lisaaromano.com/codependent-now-what-book

#familymobbing #narcissisticadultchildren #scapegoat #DysfunctionalFamily

So my Narcopath father informs me they are coming to visit because he wants to see if my mother (who has advanced Alzheimer/Dementia) will be able to cope with a 2 hour flight so later he can take her to Europe to visit the family (which is 10 times longer than the flight to my place). All sorts of flashbacks, emotions, dramas have unfolded as a result.
He asked me what would I suggest. He's coming in the middle of school term and I told him what days will suit us best for arriving and leaving. He goes ahead and books the tickets at the cheapest flights (they've got plenty of money) at the times which do not suit me NOR my poor mother. They are arriving at 10pm and leaving at 6am in the morning. So my poor mother will have to wake up at the latest at 4:30am to catch their flight. She is already disoriented, will need help getting dressed and slow as she is riddled with arthritis, diabetes and has migraines.
My head is already spinning at how its going to be and I've been cleaning like a mad woman to get my house ready.
He tells me (he's super controlling) how he wants to sit and chat (in reality he will talk and we can listen) and on his last visit here one day my husband left for work and dad was talking to me and 7 hours later when hubby returned, we haven't moved.
Thankfully I'm married otherwise I would be completely railroaded (mind you I'm 54 years old and still being treated like I'm 15). My dad will have to mind himself or the wrath of my husband will come down on father's head.
So this comes just after I've set boundaries as strong as I possibly can, next best thing to No Contact. I'm glad I've got those boundaries clear because father thinks he can push me around and be rude with no consequences.
I'm only doing this for my mothers sake - poor soul! My heart breaks for her. And he makes me want to tear my heart out!!

So I’m blonde now. Cut my hair. Am starting to be more blunt yet trying to be respectful to my family’s manipulation actions. Recognize they love me. But I’m in charge of my life. Not them. So yeah, one day at a time. But you know what? Yeah I have borderline personality disorder but that doesn’t mean I’m the problem in my family. Disease is. Theirs too. So with a good attitude, responsibility, self love and love towards them, in that order, I can and will move on and consequently they will too. #Depression #Anxiety #Life #DysfunctionalFamily #Loveistheway #fuckhaters #LoveLetters #lovenothate