musicismycoping

I had a panic attack today. Right there in the middle of talking to my supervisor, but not all panic attacks look the same. He did not notice. But I did. My voice shook, my body acted as if I had been sitting in a cold body of water and was experiencing hypothermia. My knee and eye began twitching. My mouth so dry to the point that I kept having to clear my throat. My breath was so short that I felt myself talking a million miles an hour just trying to reach for the next breath to get me through my sentence. I wanted to run. I wanted to cry. My anxiety created a sense of panic in my body. I tried so hard to use my coping skills my therapist and I worked on, but they’re not helpful. She tells me taking on more/too much is a form of anxiety unconsciously manifesting in order to gain control and to manage my energy. Perhaps this is why others don’t notice it and see it instead as being ambitious or driven. After my panic attack I went back to my office, put on some music and will likely cry when I get into my car because this is where I feel safe to be vulnerable and not judged and can let that overwhelming feeling out. This is what life is like on a regular basis when my bucket is full. This is what living with anxiety is like for me. This is what it is like when no one notices it, but me. #Anxiety #MentalHealth #PanicAttack #MentalHealthStigma #musicismycoping