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Snackies and treatos and music oh my!

Pauley and I got groceries today but I also got a box of treatos from Thrive market. In the groceries I got a little bag of honey roasted sunflower seeds and OMG they're sooooooooo good! The other snackies in the Thrive box had a little tub of vanilla halva. I'm not sure if I like it but I ate 3 servings of it so I figured by now I should know if I do.
I got 3 bags of the McCain's brand potato smiles from Meijer but I ran out of the dip I prefer with it. I'll see if I can find it on Amazon.
I found new music that I absolutely love. The band is Otyken, it's a Mongolian band. I really enjoy Mongolian music. There's another Mongolian band that I really enjoy called Hu.
I'm feeling particularly down right now but I don't know why.
#Music #foodieadventures #MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression

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Knowing by Tessa Violet

I have this image in my head
That I am on a train going somewhere
That I don't want to go
To my left is the open air
Inviting me to jump out on the hill

But that'd be insane
It's so much easier to be here
On this train going somewhere
That I don't want to go
And besides, what if I get off
And find I like the new place even less?

Knowing this is not enough is enough
Knowing this is not enough is enough

I don't like the way it feels
Being here with you
I can never tell what's real and what’s true
And somewhere inside my body
I am saying I don't want this anymore

And once I've heard it, then I've heard it
And you can't stop me now
I will honor and protect her
I will not allow myself to squander
One more day accepting less than she deserves

Knowing this is not enough is enough
Knowing this is not enough is enough

My friend, she says
What's strange is
Nothing changes
If nothing changes

Knowing this is not enough is enough
Knowing this is not enough is enough

Give yourself the grace to start again
If it hurts you, put it down
If it don't serve you, look around
You're doing great, my babe
I swear you're gonna make it
You never can know what could come
It's not done until it's done
You're doing great, my babe
I swear you're gonna make it

I can do hard things
Parallel [hard things]
Like it all, it just takes practicing
I can walk a new path
I can get myself back
I can learn to be a better friend [to myself]
And give myself the grace to try again

#Music #Lyrics #Relationships #artastherapy

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Hallelujah Anyway song by Ruston Kelly

…make sure that you wrap me in your love before I die
And bury me in flowers
When I go, I wanna bloom
And come back as the color of the lovely afternoon

Through the doubt and pain and howling rain
I pray I'll always have the strength to say,
"Hallelujah" anyway

#Lyrics #Music #artastherapy

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Nothing Comes Easy song by Joy Oladokun

I know you're tired of being cut open
And hearing your wounds are too much to take

I know you think you were born to be broken
But trouble's the cost of being awake

Don't take it heavy on your good shoulders
We circle back 'round the sun every day

Don't take it on you, it's just the cold truth
Nothing comes easy except for pain

You let your dreams go out there on the road
Running with eyes closed, trying to survive

What can a friend do to try and convince you
That trouble's the cost of being alive?

Don't take it heavy on your good shoulders
We circle back 'round the sun every day

Don't take it on you, it's just the cold truth
Nothing comes easy except for pain

So gather your flowers, plant all your roses
Build up a garden in your mind's eye,
of all the good things creeping up like spring
They'll soothe the cost of what's left behind

Don't take it heavy on your good shoulders
We’ll circle back 'round the sun 'til it fades

Don't take it on you, it's just the cold truth
Nothing comes easy except for pain

#Music #Lyrics #artastherapy

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Dying Star song by Ashnikko

The ground reaches out to catch me
Softly in her baseball mitt
I'm tired of the dirt and grit
I [need] something soft

I'm a fish in a bucket, thrashing
He tried to take me out, hooks in my mouth
Listen to me when I [hurt]
I want something soft

So I give in to the fall…(it's cold out here)
I need somethin' soft, down feathers over rocks
I died and I land with both of my hands
In the mud, the mud

It felt like a god, how she held me
I slept on her shoulder…
I bathed in her waterfalls
And continued to fall, fall…

Burnin' like a dyin' star
Invasive weeds rooted in my heart
Set in a crooked trajectory
The journey here was hard
I was almost pulled apart
Tryna leave his orbit
took what's left of me

The forest reaches out to guide me
Blue fire paths of will-o-wisps
Illuminate the darkness's old tricks
I'm nobody's captive

I asked him not to kill me politely
He drained my magic core, bottled up at the source
I washed upon the sea glass shores
I'm nobody's captive

It felt like a god, how she held me
I slept on her shoulder, I gave her my all
I bathed in her waterfalls
And continued to fall, fall

Burnin' like a dyin' star
Invasive weeds rooted in my heart
Set in a crooked trajectory
The journey here was hard
I was almost pulled apart
Tryna leave his orbit
took what's left of me

The ground reaches out to catch me
Softly in her baseball mitt
I'm tired of the dirt and grit
I [need] something soft

#Music #Lyrics #artastherapy

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Undercover by MILCK

No more undercover
No more will I hide?

I'm gonna tell you who I am now
I'm gonna let the shine come on
I'm gonna let you see my dogged heart
The scars that lie across

I feel like I'm living somebody else's life
A constant pretending I need to be liked by the ones that I love

It's all I ever wanted
To let down my guard
Be out in the open
Not have to try so hard

The world makes me a number
The world wants me to fit
Into pretty little boxes
Well, I'm not doing it
..,
It's all I ever wanted
To let down my guard
Be out in the open
..,
Not have to try so hard (try so hard)
It's all I ever wanted (wanted)

#artastherapy #Music #Lyrics

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Am I machine?

"Here's to being human
All the pain and suffering
There's beauty in the bleeding
At least you feel something"
-Three Days Grace

While I know I'm human, there are times I feel more like a machine; heartless.

Sometimes, when people yell and scream at me, I don't cry, I don't flinch, I don't care. I let them tell me how pathetic I am, how useless I am, while I stare at them blankly.

My "best friend" has been living with me for a while now, physically I'm fine, but everything mentally? Its in ruins.

She says "talk to me," so I do. Then she uses it against me or tells other people, people I don't know, people I don't trust. When she's upset, I'm try to be there, but she pushes me away, turning to everyone else except me.

I wonder if I can even feel things properly. My physical pain tolerance is high, according to my family, and so is my mental tolerance.

I have been used, played with, judged, and put down so many times, my feelings always being put third or fourth, almost never second.

I love my boyfriend, who puts me first, but I'm scared I'm more machine then human.

How do I open up when my box has no doors or windows?

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Music #numb #Writing

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“I will be the constant that remains…from your first breath, till my last day”

“Whether I’m by your side or a 1000 miles away, I’m forever/ I’m for always”

(from Ed Sheeran’s “For Always”)

#artastherapy #Music #Photography

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