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Community Voices

What I consume is consuming me

I used to watch a lot of horror. I still love Vincent price movies. I love the classic stuff. But I also watch a lot that is extremely violent/gory/graphic. Most of modern horror is unfortunately like that now. Not too long ago I was watching something (honestly cannot remember what and I ended up turning it off anyway) and it kind of hit me. Watching that kind of stuff doesn't make me feel good. Like at all. I used to be super into true crime too but also realized it was ramping up my anxiety and paranoia. I have listened to a lot of really dark music in my twenties until now which I believe also hurts me rather than helps. I was watching a show called cold case this morning. It's fiction and very good but also horribley sad in most episodes. I felt ok when I woke up and now my whole day has gone down the toilet after watching it. I'm avoiding stuff like that from now on as much as possible. I like a lot of adult cartoons and even stuff from when I was a kid, Hey Arnold for example. I'm going to focus on watching funny stuff from here on out. Listening to more uplifting music and just generally being more mindful about what media I'm consuming. Can anyone relate? #Media #Music #tvshows #AnxietyTriggers #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Depression #MentalHealth #Selfcare

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Community Voices

Music is my therapy

I listen to music almost all the time. And just to warn you, I’m going to be singing along. (I have a good voice though) My kids complain about it (13,17 both boys and both on the Spectrum but at completely different levels. I suspect that I’m autistic #Autism so I understand why certain things bother them. It doesn’t matter if it’s their favorite song playing, they insist that I turn it down (one seems to have super hearing because he’ll be on the computer (which is between all of the bedrooms and all of the doors are to remain shut) WITH headphones on, and I’ll be on my bed listening to my #Music and possibly singing, and then I’ll hear one of my sons yelling “Turn it down!” And I have to turn it down to where I can barely hear it or put my headphones on. And when I yell to one of my kids from the same place I had been playing music, they yell back “If you’re trying to talk to me then come out here!” Or they knock on the door and I yell “Come in!” And they reply, “What? I can’t understand what you’re saying! Can I open the door?” But my music is WAY TOO LOUD. And then I’m going, but you like Slipknot! And they always say that they don’t want to hear it right now.

So I go out to the porch with a speaker and I can blast my music outside. Music was one of the only things that would calm down our feral #Cat (we’ve had him since he was 5 weeks old and his mother was rejecting him) but he was just amazed at the sounds coming out of my cell phone and stop using his teeth and claws when we had him in the bed. (Side note- no matter how young the feral cat is, and how used to humans they are, they are still wild animals and you have to take time to tame them) His favorite band was #tool . He would actually curl up on the phone and listen.
I have several chronic illnesses and emotional issues—#Ehlers -Danlos Syndrome type 3, #Fibromyalgia , #idiopathic peripheral neuropathy,#Dysautonomia and I’m being evaluated for #Lupus and #rheumatoid arthritis (EDS likes to bring friends), and I have a small cyst on my pancreas that could turn cancerous (my grandfather, great grandmother and my great uncle [my grandfather’s brother and g-grandmother’s son] all died of #pancreatic cancer. I have a bunch of #nodules on my liver and my #thyroid , #Migraines AND #cluster headaches, #hashimotos , and I suspect #Celiac disease since my mother and nephew have it and it would explain a whole lot (right now I’m cutting out dairy, then wheat, then soy-which is difficult because I’m a #Vegetarian ) plus my mental illnesses, #PTSD , #Bipolar disorder,#Anxiety and depression—and those last two are actually a CRITERIA for #EDS .
I have to have my music and be able to listen to it—before I had ear pods, I would just play it on my phone with it stuck upside down in my bra. The music that is played in stores that I have to go to will actually give me a #Migraine so I don’t have any problems with bothering other people by playing my favorite playlist. They need to be exposed to good music anyway.
I loved that I had a Bluetooth radio in my car, and I would have it turned up loud, and when I was smoking (I just quit!) I would have the a/c blasting (I live in #austin #texas , so it’s running year round) and I would have my window down for my cigarette. And this way I could expose people to good music (if I had a chance to say just 5 words to the country, it would be “ STOP LISTENING TO SH*TTY MUSIC”(seriously, what’s with all the smut in popular music today?)) and possibly find another person that enjoyed the bands that I play.
My number one song for my bad days is #invincible by #tool and this song has been my anthem. Also, A Perfect Circle’s #feathers , another #tool song, #thepatient (can you tell that I’m a big fan of Maynard James Keenan? I have everything that he’s released on my phone) and when I’m dealing with my #PTSD , there’s nothing like The (Dixie) Chick’s “Not Ready to Make Nice “and L7’s “Sh*tlist” and a whole lotta Hole.
I’m into a lot of different genres, but mainly #Metal and #Punk (not pop punk! I don’t call that punk. It’s alternative.). And if I’m not in a motorized cart, having a good day, and I can see the security camera, then I’ll start dancing along the aisle (but not with other customers in it unless I can tell that they’re a punky/gothy/metal head/freak and then I’m talking bands with them.
#Music has also been a way for me to meet people with similar tastes. I can’t go to listen to live music or go to a concert because of my #Dysautonomia . I don’t think that they would let me bring in a couple gallons of Gatorade. But I also made a battle vest with band patches and tons of band buttons (mainly punk bands and metal) and people will comment about this or that band, and ask what my favorite album is and my favorite song by that band (I know at least one song by each band and I’ll either name the song that is considered the best or an obscure song by a band that is mainly associated with just one song (like the Sex Pistols—I like the song “Pretty Vacant”) because I don’t just listen to one song, because you’re going to miss out on so many great songs that weren’t played on the radio.
This is what I collect. Music. Musicians. And I’ll research them and tell people obscure things about that musician or band-like that during a Nirvana concert, Kurt Cobain saw a girl being sexually assaulted in the audience and he didn’t say a word but put down his guitar, grabbed the guy and hung him from his belt loop on a prop so everyone could see him and then Kurt went back to his chair and as he was picking up his guitar he said into the microphone while looking towards the guy and said “Now you get to be exposed.” Not the only time a musician has come to the rescue of a fan.
If I’m not listening to my music, that’s a signal that I’m extremely depressed. Because it’s such a part of my coping methods when I’m dealing with pain or exhaustion or anxiety or depression or dehydration or nightmares. I’m not savvy enough to post my parts of my favorite playlist, but for anyone who is dealing with a #chronic illness that has changed their entire life (which one doesn’t?) I highly recommend listening to TOOL’s #invincible from the Fear Inoculum album. And if you’re dealing with #PTSD , listen to A Perfect Circle’s #feathers . That song is like Maynard’s supporting you in your recovery.

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Community Voices

Relatable songs

I found a song called "This is a Song not a Suicide Letter" by Rory and I can't stop listening to it. Not because I've actually done/gone through what the song talks about but because I so easily could. It talks about a girl who OD's but doesn't die and it's a message to her younger self that "this is not the end" and things do get better. I want to believe that.

I'm not actively suicidal, but man being not alive sounds so appealing right now.

The other day my therapist gently called me out on how I use sarcasm to not lie, but also not actually admit that I'm not okay. Like if I sarcastically say "I'm great" then of course my therapist knows I'm not, but I haven't actually said "I'm struggling." And I've just been thinking about that a lot and I sent her an email where I was actually honest without sarcasm and I told her I know I'm not okay, that I am really struggling no matter how much I want to pretend I'm not.

But like the weight of admitting that feels like it's going to crush me. I want to DO something about it, not just sit with it. Even though sitting with it is probably what I need to do at the moment. But it's so hard. I'm so tired of how hard life is.

#Suicide #Therapy #CheckInWithMe #SuicidalIdeation #beingreal #struggling #College #studentmentalhealth #MentalHealth #ihopethingsdogetbetter #Music #Emotionalsupport

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Why 'Blackbird' by Alter Bridge Is the Best Metal Song About Grief

Grief is a pain that I’ve never fully managed to endure. It weighs me down so much that I avoid it with ever scrap of effort I can manage. Heck, I’m a consummate Marvel fan, never missing a movie or TV show, but I can’t bring myself to see “Thor: Love and Thunder” yet for fear of certain triggers within. (If you know, you know.) However, there’s one song that I can’t avoid because it understands the pain, the sorrow, the longing of grief so completely that it cuts right to the core of me. I can barely hear it without tears, and it drags something from within me that I can’t quite articulate. That’s why I felt it was important to share. Even if you don’t enjoy metal, I would encourage you to listen to “Blackbird” by Alter Bridge, the title track from the band’s second studio album, originally released in 2007. There are many, many versions of the song that I could recommend — and the studio version shouldn’t be missed — but there’s something special about this live version from Amsterdam, embedded below. Some fast facts before we get into the reasons why it represents grief so strongly: Lead vocalist Myles Kennedy said: “Blackbird was inspired lyrically by a friend of mine named Mark Morse. He sold me my first guitar when I was a kid, and we stayed friends for years and years. He actually passed away right as that song was being completed so it was dedicated to him and his memory. It’s really about seeing the suffering he was going through and hoping he would find his solace soon and be free from all of that.” Myles also told Guitarist magazine that his friend had been fighting cancer. Lead guitarist Mark Tremonti shared that the song’s title came from “Blackbird” by The Beatles being the first song Myles Kennedy’s friend taught him to play, and from Myles then referring to his friend as “Blackbird.” Already, I can relate, having lost my father to cancer in my 20s, but so much of the song represents grief of different kinds. In fact, before learning how Myles Kennedy’s friend passed away, I thought this line, in particular, hinted at suicide loss: “The fragile can not endure/ The wrecked and jaded/ A place so impure/ The static of this cruel world/ ‘Cause some birds to fly long before they’ve seen their day.” I’ve often found that line speaks to me in the midst of passive suicidal ideation, when I find the “static of this cruel world” to be too much to endure. But that’s not necessarily the case, here. Myles Kennedy only calls for his friend to find peace from his suffering. In the chorus, he sings: “Let the wind carry you home/ Blackbird fly away/ May you never be broken again / Beyond the suffering you’ve known/ I hope you find your way/ May you never be broken again.” And later: “Ascend, may you find no resistance/ Know that you’ve made such a difference/ And all you leave behind/ Will live till the end/ The cycle of suffering goes on/ But the memories of you stay strong/ Someday I too will fly and find you again.” Since my father’s death, I’ve struggled with allowing myself to remember the happy times. But more than that, I’ve struggled with the idea of an afterlife; it’s a concept that just stopped making sense to me, like I was unable to reconcile the absence of his being with the idea that he could be elsewhere, out of reach. It’s unfathomable, and it remains unfathomable to me over 11 years later. Of course, I would love to be able to believe strongly in the afterlife, but I just find the topic too painful to approach head-on. So, when I hear these lyrics in Myles Kennedy’s crisp and soaring vocals, it’s almost like I can believe, just for a second, that he’s still around. I’m not the only one who feels this way. Sharing what the song means to him and to fans, Myles Kennedy said: “As much as I love playing it, it can be hard emotionally sometimes because of the subject matter. It’s not always an easy song to play, but there’s something we get from seeing the crowd and their reaction to the song. It means something to them. That’s the payoff. It’s awesome. You see people out there really getting into it or showing you their “Blackbird” tattoo. They have the lyrics tattooed on their bodies or the emblem tattooed on their arm. It’s pretty overwhelming. They’ll make it known during that song.” As I write this, I’m finding that even as a professional writer, I’m struggling to articulate just how powerful this song is — its F# minor key, Myles Kennedy’s incredible four-octave vocal range that somehow manages to retain its passion and intensity through every note, and a dueling guitar solo that won Guitarist magazine’s March 2011 poll for the greatest guitar solo of all time, beating even established classics from Slash (with whom Myles Kennedy also collaborates), Led Zeppelin, and Jimi Hendrix. I hope that you find it as powerful as I do. When I keep my grief locked up tight, this song is one of the few things that can pierce through to the heart of me.

Community Voices

What type of music gets you out of your head?

<p>What type of music gets you out of your head?</p>
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Community Voices

Music for Mental Health Awareness and/or any kind of inner growth and healing

<p>Music for <a href=" Health" class="tm-embed-link  tm-autolink health-map" data-id="5b23ce5800553f33fe98c3a3" data-name="Mental Health" title="Mental Health" target="_blank">Mental Health</a> Awareness and/or any kind of inner growth and healing</p>
Community Voices

The Evolution of My Depression Through a Timeline of Songs

Music has saved my life more than once, and I mean that quite literally. When my depression is especially bad, I turn to music. I’ve always found that listening to music helps me work through the intensity of what I’m feeling, and there are songs that distinctly stand out from certain periods of my life. I can go back to a song I listened to years ago during a rough patch, and I’m immediately brought back to that time in my life. I created a timeline of my depression using these songs, because I find it shows how my depression has evolved over the years, and how I’ve changed. The “Pre Depression” Era (before 2012) I started experiencing depression when I was 11 or 12, but didn’t have the words for it or know what it was. I remember listening to these songs in my teenage years and relating to them, but not understanding that I probably had depression. 1. “How To Save A Life” by The Fray I think this was the first song I heard that ever talked about struggling in this kind of way before, and it stuck with me. I felt so hopeless, and like I was all alone, so I took a lot of comfort in the idea that people would stay up with someone all night to save them or help them. 2. “If I Die Young” by The Band Perry When I first started experiencing suicidal ideation, I remember it being so all encompassing. I thought about what it would be like if I died a lot. I spent time thinking about my funeral, and how people would react. I think it helped me stay alive in some way because I didn’t want to make anyone sad. But I also never really thought I’d live a long life, so the sentiment of “If I die young” felt very relatable for me. 3. “Life is Beautiful” by Vega4 I played this song on repeat when I was a depressed teenager, hoping that I would start to believe that life was beautiful. I liked that the song talked about how hard life can be. It was comforting to hear the juxtaposition of “life is beautiful / but it’s complicated / we barely make it.” With so much toxic positivity, this different take meant a lot to me. The Big Sad Era (2012-2017) The year I was officially diagnosed with depression and started to take medication was rough. I was constantly suicidal and attempted to take my life on more than one occasion. This patch lasted about five years, and music was a consistent lifeline. I’ve sometimes called this time in my life The Dark Ages, because it was such a bad and hard time in my life. I didn’t know how to cope with the pain I was in, and felt very out of control. 4. “Where Is My Mind” by Maxence Cyrin I don’t remember when I heard this song for the first time, but it was the song I would play every time I had a panic attack, every time I was trying to push down the urge to self harm, every time I cried myself to sleep. It’s difficult for me to listen to when I’m feeling OK because it takes me to those moments, but I still go to it in my hardest moments. 5. Kodaline’s “Coming Up For Air” album I listened to this album a lot during this time, but especially “Honest,” “Unclear,” and “Lost.” I enjoyed the calm, sad sound of their music, but the lyrics often said the words I didn’t have myself. When you’re depressed, it’s so hard to talk and articulate yourself. The lyrics made me feel less alone without me having to talk about what I was feeling. The Living With Depression Era (2017-Present) By this point, depression had become a part of my life and I knew it wasn’t going anywhere. I started to accept my depression more, and while I still get very depressed and experience suicidal ideation, I understand how to cope with it better. 6. “Broken” by lovelytheband It’s catchy, it’s dancey, it’s the song I blast when I’m getting some air and blowing off steam. The upbeat melody tricks me into feeling a bit better, while still talking about being lonely and broken. 7. “Shadow” by Birdy There’s something hauntingly beautiful about Birdy’s voice, and I remember listening to this song non-stop in 2019. Depression is like a shadow that always follows me around, so this song was fitting. But yet there was something comforting about this song as well — the idea that maybe the people in my life are shadows too, and will be around no matter what. 8. “Let It All Go” by Birdy 2019 was a BIG year for me and Birdy. I had to take a mental health leave from work, and this song was one I listened to every day. I was broken, and the line “I don’t know why we break so hard” hit so close to home, and the idea of letting things go was a very important theme for me at the time. I was holding onto a lot, and I needed to let go. There are at least 20 more songs that belong to each of these eras, because I’m almost always listening to music. These stand out a lot as important ones, but you can hear more of them here. Music will always be a huge part of my journey with depression, and even now listening to these songs again, I can feel the pain from different points in my life when these songs were important. I feel lucky that I had these songs to help me through, and I hope that there is always a song to help you with the hard moments.

Community Voices

Scriptural promise manifesting in my life

In 1 John 4:18 it says that “perfect love casteth out fear” and I got to see that come to fruition without me noticing until afterwards.

Music plays a huge role in my life and is one of my main coping tools for my mental illnesses. I created both “Depression’s Bane” & “Anxiety’s antidote” playlists quite awhile ago, but more recently I looked back on the songs that ended up on my anxiety playlist. Every song was about either God’s love for me or my wife’s. So whenever my anxiety is trying to overwhelm me I have those songs to remind me that I blessed to be loved and have no need to fear.

If you wish to check out my playlists in case some of the songs I picked would be helpful to you, you can find them on Apple Music or on my YouTube channel “Nerd,Patriot, Disciple”

#Anxiety #HisLoveNeverFails #AcuteStressDisorder #Music

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These Song Lyrics Help Me Cope With My Depression

For most of my life, music has been a coping mechanism. The sounds often soothe me, and the lyrics frequently give me the words to say what I’m feeling when I can’t articulate it myself. Sometimes the lyrics are what I need to hear, or what I wish someone would tell me. Music is like a friend, or a shoulder to cry on, or a hug on a bad day. Over my many years of having depression, I’ve found songs along the way with words that help me immensely. These are those songs. What I Wish I Could Say / What I Feel These songs (and specific lyrics) are things I feel, or wish I could say about my depression. 1.”Three” by Sleeping At Last Lyrics: “Maybe I’ve done enough / Finally catching up / For the first time I see an image of my brokenness / Utterly worthy of love.” I don’t always feel like I’ve done enough, or like I am enough, but I hope that someday I’ll start to believe I’m worthy of love even while broken. 2. “Flags” by SYML Lyrics: “I’m hurt, I’m hurt you didn’t know / That there’s no pretty way to tell you so / I’m tired, so tired I’m letting go” and “I’m hurt, not hurt enough to die / See I was born to raise, born to fight / I’m tired, not tired enough to sleep / So, devil on my chest, don’t sing with me / Take my breath, let me be.” Sometimes I wish I could just tell the people in my life how much I’m hurting. It’s hard to talk about, and something as simple as “I’m hurt” is impossible to say. 3. “Float On” by Modest Mouse Lyrics: “Well, we’ll float on, good news is on the way.” 4. “Lost” by Kodaline Lyrics: “Take me away make it all better / If not for a day then maybe forever / Is it all in my head cause it’s getting harder.” 5. “The World Spins Madly On” by The Weepies Lyrics: “I woke up and wished that I was dead.” I feel like I can’t say this out loud, because it seems so harsh, but it’s something I experience often, and I wish it was OK to be honest about how depression makes me feel. What I Wish I Could Hear The lyrics in these songs are what I need to hear on a bad day from a friend or loved one, but can’t always have them say it to me. 1. “Alone With Me” by Vance Joy Lyrics: “Everything’s good / Everything’s just as it should be.” Now, I hate being told things are OK when they’re not by a friend, but this feels very reassuring to me. I listen to this when I’m really anxious, and repeat “everything’s good.” 2. “Look After You” by Aron Wright Lyrics: “When you think you’re all alone / I’ll wrap you up and I’ll take you home / No matter what you’re going through / I will look after you.” Every line of this song is like a hug. Sometimes we just need someone to take care of us, and depression makes it hard to believe anyone is there for me. 3. “Stay Alive” by Jose Gonzalez Lyrics: “I will stay with you tonight / Hold you close ’til the morning light / In the morning watch a new day rise / We’ll do whatever just to stay alive.” Staying alive is hard work with depression, and it gets really lonely. Night time is always the worst, and on bad nights I listen to this and imagine I’m being held close. 4. “Don’t Give Up” by Foreign Fields Lyrics: “Don’t give up / I have been there when you fall apart / Don’t give up / I have seen you crawl back to the start.” 5. “Fix You” by Coldplay Lyrics: “I will try to fix you.” Depression has broken me in more ways than I can describe, and while I don’t think I need to be “fixed,” I hear it more as trying to help me or put me back together again. 6. “Open Up” by Matt Simons Lyrics: “What can I do / To build that bridge to find you? / I don’t know what to say / Come on and open up, open up my love / Why don’t you tell me what’s really on your mind?” Opening up is hard, especially when I feel ashamed about my depression. It’s so nice when someone truly wants me to let them in, and encourages me in a safe way. 7. “You Are Loved” by Matthew Mole Lyrics: “You are loved / You are loved / And nothing’s gonna change that I will / Love you ’til we’re old and grey / And I’ll love you when we’re young.” Depression convinces me I’m unloveable, and that no one loves me. I need reassurance that I am loved by my friends especially, because their love never feels guaranteed. 8. “Dim” by SYML Lyrics: “The world got a little more dim tonight.” This song is special in a different way for me. It came out shortly after someone I knew died by suicide, and I truly felt the world was dimmer. The EP this was on was all about grief, and on the days I’m feeling more suicidal, I imagine my friends feeling this way if something happened to me, and it helps me hold on for them. 9. “Two” by Sleeping At Last Lyrics: “Tell me, is something wrong? / If something’s wrong, you can count on me…It’s OK if you can’t find the words / Let me take your coat / And this weight off of your shoulders.” 10. “For The Widows In Paradise” by Sufjan Stevens Lyrics: “If there’s anything to say / If there’s anything to do / If there’s any other way / I’ll do anything for you.” These songs make me feel less alone in an experience that is inherently isolating and lonely, and sometimes we can’t hear the words we need from the people we need to hear them from, or we can’t say what we truly feel out loud. In those moments, I’m grateful that songs can help fill that gap. Does someone in your life need to hear one of these songs? Can you send it to them? What lyrics help you when you’re at your worst? I hope that if there’s something you want to say, that you’re able to say it, and I hope that if there’s something you need to hear, that you hear it. And if that’s not possible, I hope there’s a song that can say it for you.