It starts just after the bleeding ends. Pain lacerates my eye, searing a trail of red hot magma to the back of my skull.
Needles of light at every dawn, pierce, poke, prod their way through my sanity, injecting fire and acid through my brain, my veins.
Pressure builds as wave after wave of sound, regardless of source, invade my ears, threatening to topple the sandcastle that is my sanity.
Heavy. The light. The pain. The sound. So heavy. It pushes me down to where I cannot function, I cannot push through. I cannot find my way out.
Yet I do.
I still am here as it intensifies, hour upon hour. Day upon day. For 7. For 10. 21...
And as it slams me down I feel it.
The tickle of lostness that is my Epilepsy coming into my space to take control.
I beg "please no, not now" but it does not hear my cries, and does not see my fear, it only sees the pathway pain has clearly lit for it.
My eyes begin to roll, hands and feet stiffen, neck snaps back and forth, and my thoughts are lost to the seizure.
I hear me moan but do not recognize it is me.
I feel me gasping for air, and unable to breathe.
My arms flailing, straighten, slamming.
Head the same.
Back arching, chest heaving, eye rolling, face snarling.
Am I an animal?
The doctors say it is stress, emotion, and not real.
As a kid, I heard it all the time.
Now I'm unable to trust the experts because they will never have my best interest in mind.
Myoclonic Seizures, Migraines, PMDD and Catamenial Epilepsy.
It all has these wonderful names. To me they are my bodies way of torturing itself and I am tired of being a part of its game.
#MyoclonicEpilepsy #CatamenialEpilepsy #Migraine #PMDD