im surprised by the lack of responses tho this post. I enjoyed your sharing and can relate as well. I miss having the ability to win a lil harmless challenge or debate by being able to recall a previous conversation verbatim. I was on top in my mind and untouchable but for some reason it just has started to disappear. I believe it all began when i met my ex husband. at 38 years of age ive never lasted more than 3 in a relationship. I tend to pick very abusive partners or try to distract myself with missions of saving others. A couple years ago it was as if something just sat down on my chest and no longer allowed me to speak. my mindThe Earth to help others have gone away in the past 6 to 9 months. And now I feel it is my job and duty to focus on fixing and helping myself. But I just keep having mental breakdowns over flashbacks and Trauma. in the present It's so difficult. And it seems that whenever I reach out for help I am greeted with. ignorance and more sufferingI would say I'm borderline but then doing more research. I would say I'm not. And I definitely have C PTSD. As a child I was diagnosed bipolar. But today I think I put a Bipolar person to shame with my mood https://swings.I quit my job. back in April It's now February and I just cannot seem to pull myself together. So I'm applying for disability yet. One more thing. I have no idea how to not be overwhelmed by. Any advice from anyone would be much appreciated? #disabilty #lost #CPTSD #Borderline #nightmareorreality