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    Incarnation of Stupidity

    This is exactly how I feel lately. I feel like I know nothing. I don’t know how to eat, how to sleep, how to live. And I also don’t know how to write essays, how to speak with other people and how to discuss simple things. I don’t think the same way as people around me do. I am not smart. I know nothing. I am stupid. It is pretty hard to admit that.
    But so what. I can’t know everything, right? I can’t know even most of the existing knowledges, because there are so much to learn in planet Earth. I don’t have a wrong perspective, I have a different perspective. And it enriches the life around me (hopefully). This is the way of thinking, yes! I admit, that I know nothing and that knowledge sets me free.

    Apologies for all the nonsense, I just wanted to write down my weird thoughts somewhere else than my journal 😊 there’s a huge fight between rationality and absurdness happening inside me right now. That’s the 50 shades of depression. #Depression #lost #stupid #Weird

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    Greif fuelled depression

    Loosing my partner of 17 years is like learning how to live again and my depression is always there to kick me down each time I think I’m improving. I take my medication and I have beat stage 4 cancer but this feeling of emptiness is the worst feeling ever #ChronicDepression #Pain #lost #lonely #anixety

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    Going through a break up while also fighting depression

    Has got to be one of the WORST feelings of all time! I made the mistake many of us do, by molding my world around him as he stood at the center of it, so without him, I have nobody. I’m feeling all these annoying normal feelings of a breakup ON TOP of this stupid depression. I feel like any progress I made is gone and I’m back at square one. I don’t know how I will get through this. The pain is unbearable. I sincerely feel I don’t deserve this. I gave him everything I had to give. 6 years of on again off again, it’s like we always found our way back to each other. However now I’m wondering if it was all just a trauma bond. How do I get over this and move on when the stupid depression keeps me in bed?? I am soooo lost and depressed. 😭😭My soul feels shattered. I don’t know what to do, how to pick myself up or how to move on. It’s been him and only him for 6 years now… and after 3 months of being back together after breaking up for a year, he just decided to cut it off for good… I don’t understand. Nothing makes any sense right now. I’m just hurting so bad right now.
    #MajorDepressiveDisorder
    #Anxiety
    #Heartbroken
    #lost
    #BreakupsSuck
    #sad
    #ineedafriend
    #confused
    #hurt

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    LOST AND ALONE

    58, Captain of the ship. Father to my late Daughter Cassidy and Son Mason. Husband to my late Wife Laura. Tired of living but still looking for a reason to keep going.

    #PTSD #Divorce #tragedy #lost #alone

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    Very lost and tired

    I’ve been really trying lately to be a more positive person, I’ve really let negativity rule my life and I’m done. However I have this ‘friend’ who constantly is negative and needy and is almost go as far as saying a bit vain in that they want it always about them. Anyway, I received this message from them tonight and honestly I’m so frustrated. Nothing I say matters to them. I desperately cling to ‘maybe tomorrow they will be better’ then tomorrow never comes. I’m so sick and tired of trying to always be the one lifting both of us up when most days I can barely lift myself up.

    Any advice for how to talk to them? I know they have a lot going on in their life and recently had their transition surgery but no mater what they just won’t get mental health help. I wish I wasn’t trying to help them on my own.

    #ChronicDepression #Depression #Anxiety #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #lost #CheckInWithMe

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    I 'very hit a "rock" in the road. #lost #stopped in my tracks#WhatNow

    I got sick following a fall in a parking lot . It wasn't my fault, but the following week I had
    Cellulitis- a tough case. Now due to my UColitis,I am on the alert for CDiff...😳#klutzy #southpaw #doomed

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    Shattered Dreams

    A chubby little kid
    Thought to be a successful person one day
    Dreaming to support her family
    Always concerned about the gray strands in her father's hair
    And the aching muscles of her mother

    Told by everyone
    That she will be a shining star one day
    Not knowing that she will
    Become a star that will lose its shine

    Others still envy her
    But they don't know
    She is not the same ambitious girl now
    Her dreams are shattered
    Into useless bits and pieces
    That cannot be glued together

    But she still collects those dream
    With her bare hands
    Tries desperately
    Again and again
    Not thinking about the blood dripping down
    From the tips of her hands
    Due to the sharpness of
    The blade like pieces of her beloved dreams
    She fails everytime
    She abhors herself

    Now she lies awake in her bed
    Till the dawn
    With empty eyes
    Not a single dream in her eyes

    At the end
    She gained nothing
    From those shattered dreams
    She lost her way
    And she lost herself

    #Depression #Anxiety #lost

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    Anxiety is making me feel so LOST, so now I'm ranting about it!

    I'm fairly new to this website, but I figured if anyone could help or relate to me, it would be this page! I'm a mom of three, who has probably suffered with mental illness my whole life (just unaware of it, but I've learned so much, and continue to learn as well) and my children are my life, and even though I've made mistakes in the past I've learned that I'm not the same person I once was, because I lacked the knowledge that I now have. My problem now is, that I just feel lost! I'm sure it's the anxiety that keeps me feeling unsure, and having no clue what to do with my life! The more I try to figure it all out, the more I just feel confused and stuck! More than anything in the world, I just want to have a career (that gives me purpose) that not only financially supports us, but makes my kids proud of me! I let them down so many times by not being able to stick with a job, and I just want to feel normal, confident, ambitious, and clear minded. Lord please just tell me the steps I need to take to be able to do all of this, I've pleaded so many times, and maybe one day I'll get my answer lol! The ironic part is that I'm always so good at helping others, but can't seem to ever be able to mentally do it for myself! #Healing #anxietysucks
    #mental illness #venting #mother #lost #Anxiety #Bedtime #alone #Thoughts #rant #

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    My life has been - and is - a hot mess... and I'm lost

    I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder in 2019, and today, after 1.5 months at a treatment facility, not only was I bumped up to bipolar 1, I was given a new diagnosis of having borderline personality disorder.

    I wasn't surprised about bipolar 1, but the BPD has put me in a tailspin. The more I've read and learned about BPD the more I am CERTAIN that I suffer from both disorders. From a logical standpoint, I am "on board" with these diagnoses as I can check off nearly every box on the giant lists of symptoms. Add in the ADHD and I am... a hot mess of a person.

    I'm now questioning my own thoughts and feelings - are they valid and true or are they some sort of warped reality that I'm living in... some imagined fantasy life. Have all of my life experiences with people been lies, bull$hit and untruth/fantasy? Have I lived a fake but utterly destructive life up to this point? Am I living it currently?

    Using logic, I understand who I am. But emotionally I don't know who I am anymore, and fear that my entire life has been filled with beliefs and destructive behaviors that *I created - every awful thing has been solely because of who I am.

    I'm having a really tough time with all of this. I feel like I'm a tornado of a person who destroys everything in sight... I don't know how to move forward.

    I'm worried I might have to once again leave my daughter at home without her Mom-Mom because I'll need to go back to the treatment facility. I'm becoming crippled with anxiety, paranoia, depression and shame.

    ANY advice or insight will be received with wide open arms and a grateful heart. Thank you for taking the time to read - it's been a long time since I've been on The Mighty and I'm so glad to be back ❤️

    #BPDDiagnosis #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar1Disorder #ADHD #Broken #help #Anxiety #SleepDeprivation #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Shame #Spiraling #lost #Depression