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My mom sent me this text and I just feel numb

I love my mom and family but it’s very dysfunctional and passively emotionally abusive, it used to be a lot worse during my sucidal attempts and self harming in my teens when the abuse was super bad. I’ve come a long way since but I still have a long way to go but trying my best. I know it’s hard for her to understand but it just hurts, I feel like such a waste of space and a total burden or mistake, just feel pathetic and like trash right now, really hard to be kind to myself right now though I usually try to combat the negative thoughts. Anyways sorry thank you I just don’t have a lot of friends and people that understand disabilities or struggles with mental health. Thanks I’ll just struggling having a really bad anxiety attack and crying might have to call the crisis line a little. My eyes hurt from crying. #MentalHealth #Stigma #illness #Disability #lost #lonely #sad #Burden #alone #Recovery #Trying #TheMighty #help #Advice #SOSAD

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I like being alone. But not like this.

I can’t describe the kind of loneliness and pain I am currently through. I can’t talk to anyone about what I’m really feeling. I literally have no friends to turn to. I just got out of a 3 year relationship. My first relationship. And as gay guy. It’s been 13 weeks now, and I’m still struggling to cope. We didn’t end things badly. He broke up with me and asked if all the things he mentioned was true or not and I agreed. We both decided it’s better. We still care so much for each other but ae don’t really talk. I stayed with him for those 3 years and now I had to move back to my hometown with my parents. Now my support system (parents) are not that great. They don’t know how to deal with someone going through what I’m feeling. We can’t discuss it. Ever since o was a child also. Nothing. They also don’t fully accept that I’m gay and they think it is a choice. So I just sit with my thoughts. Alone. Going insane. I’ve been praying to God to help me every night. I’m seeing my psychiatrist next week after waiting for these past 12 weeks. Finally. Someone can finally sit and listen to my story. I hope he can help. Because I feel lost. And and also I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety and bipolar since 2016. So it’s total hell for me. #Nofriends #breakup #heartbreak #lonely #lost #Someonesaveme #BipolarDepression #Anxiety #Grief

34 reactions 12 comments

Strong Urges

#Selfblame #Selfharm #SuicideIdeation #lost

As of last week/this week of April 2023 I've been in this dark place that I cannot overcome, Last year I was diagnosed with Papillary Carcinoma a cancer that has took a lot already from me.I lost my car, my home and my job just recently...I feel broken like there is nothing left inside of me to continue to live. My thoughts are dark inside my mind all I think about is dying and how I would do it... I am on the verge of giving up entirely. I failed at being a mother, sister, and a daughter and not to mention I lost my best friend to suicide this year in January. And I honestly don't want to be here anymore, When I talk about how I feel it's like I'm talking to walls even though its other people and all I get is that "everything is going to be okay" you'll get through this" or sometimes nothing at all. I feel like I am the problem and the only way to fix the problem is to take myself out of the equation. I feel like I am a ticking time bomb that is soon to go off I am full of hurt,anger,disappointment,regret and I cannot fix those emotions and most of all I am purely tired I just want to sleep and never wake up.

I know I'm not alone in this world but I do feel like I am.

2 reactions 1 comment
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It’s been a while

Hey, so I turned 26 on the 31st of March. And I seriously thought I’d be further in a year since my divorce from an abusive narcissist. I’m not sure what to do at this point, I cannot hold a job. I have severe mental breakdowns at every interview… I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and dissociation. The place I recently tried to work, I took a mental health day because pulling into the parking lot I had a mental breakdown and couldn’t stop crying. And my boss said “ everyone has mental health problems, what makes you any different “ well I’m aware and I completely acknowledge that everyone deals with their own mental health issues, and they do it in their own ways. I can’t deal with mine the same way the next person deals with theirs.

It was suggested that I started going through menopause at age 20 or so. I had endometriosis, pcos, when I had a period. I’ve also been diagnosed with hypothyroidism.

I only take medication for the hypothyroidism, I stopped taking the mental medications for numerous reasons. Mainly because they weren’t helping, and I tried many over the course of 2 years. So my fear is that my mental state is because of my hormones and no one really knows what’s going on with my hormones.
The medicine for my thyroid works then stops working, my endocrinologist refuses to believe I’m menopausal . He’s still trying to get me to have a period but my body refuses.

I’m so lost, my parents act like they understand what’s going on, but when I told them I had a mental breakdown which was hard for me to do because I fear failure and telling them that, I didn’t want them to get mad at me.. well they said “you just started that job?”

I can’t sleep, and when I can, I wake up and I do not feel rested, I’m not hungry/thirsty (I do eat), I’m tired, and weak. My cognitive function and memory is getting worse every day, I tell people it’s like I’m 70-80 years old living in a 26 year old body.

I don’t understand why I’m like this, I don’t know what’s causing what. I just want it to stop long enough for me to breathe.

#Endometriosis #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #Mentalbreakdown #AnxietyAttack #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #Amenorrhea #DontUnderstand #lost #AbuseSurvivors #Narcassism #hormoneimbalance

17 reactions 5 comments

Somedays it seems like I can't do it #BipolarDepression

With all this stress and the pressure of everyday life it seems like I can't do it somedays. There's just too much going on right now. The constant stress is wearing me down physically, mentally and emotionally. Somedays I just want to sleep all day and ignore my responsibilities. I know this isn't possible so I have to keep moving. Just keep going about life like I'm okay which I am used to. When I was being abused no one knew until I said something because I acted like everything was okay. It's the same with depression. I hate not having any stability in between episodes. I'm so tired and just don't know what to do.

I feel trapped and yet I have to keep moving. Being where I'm at right now is hell. Every time I attempt to move on and put something behind me something else comes up. It's like a circle that I keep going round. It feeds my self loathing and low self esteem. The crying spells are becoming more frequent and even when I make attempts to calm down or manage the depression nothing seems to be working. Yes I want to learn from all of this and find a blessing in it. So far though I've had no such luck.

I try to use my therapy skills and grounding techniques but they can't relieve the pain I feel. The sense of sadness, self loathing and anxiety that I feel right now is overwhelming. I want to face what I have to with strength and grace but my faith is being tested and so is my ability to show myself grace. I have a support system, therapist and medications but I just feel so lost. I'm still tired. The mental and emotional exhaustion is more than the physical exhaustion. I can sleep all day but the stress that I am under makes it hard to work, socialize and do everyday things.

I know those of you with depression can understand. It's crippling at times and yet I have to fake a smile. Do my job and act okay. I just want to be understood. I didn't mean to rant but I've been feeling this way for a while. I just don't know what else to do at this point. I don't want to go down a dark path. I've worked so hard to overcome my tendencies to self harm and I've only attempted suicide once. I don't want to go to that dark and lonely place again. Please help.

#SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #lost #help #Depression #Anxiety

24 reactions 6 comments
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Completely lost ...... #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #lost

Since Covid / then Long covid ,severe anxiety &depression, PTSD from the fire at our previous home then all the mess with going into homless accommodation then temporary accommodation then eventually getting our home end of the year I was really feeling so positive and looking forward even though I was still dealing with chronic pain in my back and legs every day ,the issues I have from long covid and the ptsd I was finally excited and looking forward and coping.Even my pain and symptoms getting worse due to the slipped disc,the fact my hair is still falling out ,my scars from the skin cancer biopsies , I was still focusing on the new house ,decorating things making things the way I wanted and liked as I'm always crafty and like changing things with my own touches. My mood was much better and I was having less bad days then all this !now have been long term catheterised ,on crutches now for the foreseeable, my breathing issues are worse now ,I need help with everything basically unable to do anything myaelf unaided or supported.I have completely lost myself,loads my confidence in everyday possible, I don't enjoy the little things I used to love I feel I have no passion or drive feel like I am a completely different person ,I don't look forward now I'm taking days by days and just in this ongoing routine of being in pain on medication that I need but makes me constantly tired and drowsy. I feel like my children are suffering again after everything now having to see me like this and unable to do any of the things I used to do with them without assistance, walking aids,pain relief ,being on such strong medication that makes me constantly drowsy and unable to even get up sometimes .I feel so frustrated and agitated that my body is in such a state and constantly look at everything I've lost and loved about myself.Right now I am getting through the days but that's it I feel numb and guilty that there's people way worse off yet at the minute I can only see and feel how bad things are .having ongoing appointments non stop , worrying about the lymph node that is swollen now considering my history and what that may then cause or need to be done.I just feel absolutely exhausted I feel like a burden to those round me who are there for me and helping me as though I'm just a burden and a pest. I feel like I'm failing as a mum and my kids are suffering because of my health and issues.I just really can't seem to see anything other than this dark place rightnow 😭😭 I'm glad I have this app to vent my struggles and situations and I'm always very appreciative of the support and advice I get and could really be doing with some justnow.
#MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #Selfcare #PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #Parenting #GeneralParenting #AloneTogether #lost #ChronicIllness

27 reactions 13 comments

Grief does not have a time limit #Grief

I know to many it seems ridiculous, but the loss of my mom was major for me. Today makes 8 years since she passed on. In my head I replay the day from the moment I received the phone call at 1:45 am. I remember asking the doctor if he was joking. Grief comes in waves and this day every year it crashes.

My mom, my mentor, and my one friends are the only ones who never make/made me feel worthless and like a screw up. My friend lives in another province and my mentor is going through some pretty serious things with her family.

I miss my mom so much.

My depression is reaching an all time low. It hurts. It physically hurts to be this low. On top of that add the grief add the worthlessness I feel because those around me do and say things to make me feel that way.

My mom was quiet but strong. She was smart, kind, and caring. But she got run into the ground by selfishness and being told her opinion didn’t matter. She was an alcoholic. She wouldn’t have said that but it was her coping mechanism. When she was drunk she was mean. But I understand. I am sad I didn’t let her know enough how much I admired and respected her.

#beingadaughter #remembering #lost

29 reactions 12 comments

I’m so lost!

I’m new here because I’m so lost and tangled in my own thoughts and feelings and I need help to see the light at the end of the tunnel! ):)

#Anxiety #confused #lost #Depression

32 reactions 11 comments

My boyfriend broke up with me…. and I feel shattered.

It happened. And I never thought that this day would come and how hurt I will feel… he let me go because I am not independent on my own and couldn’t find a job. I tried SO hard to make it work with my art. But I am a struggling artist. He just Couldn’t take it anymore. He told me he was thinking about ending things with me for months, sleepness nights etc. I’m 28 and This was my first boyfriend and partner. We were together 4 years. I just moved back to my parents as I had nowhere else go. Unpacking mu things halfway through and I started breaking down again. I feel so broken. So useless and lost. I don’t know what to do, what to feel, where to go. I am so scared. I just want to cry and hide from the world. I feel like i am not going to make it. I feel beyond repair. I feel shattered. #breakup #heartbreak #Heartbroken #lost #hurt #useless #scared #Broken #Shattered


Feeling lost, alone, loneliness, alot even when having family around me.
Not feeling happy in my relationship lately, could I start fresh ? What about the kids, the house the bills? Where would i go ? Would I even feel better? So many thoughts going through my head making things worse :(

#Depression #lost

16 reactions 5 comments