‘You look so ok…sound so ok…you are doing well…you seem to have gotten over it’ in itself these are good to hear. But the complete dejection, remorse, loss, pain that I yet grapple from the inside, the toll of it all, only i’m privy to. Few if not none want to see one’s inside. In such a context these supposedly well meaning remarks hurt and wreck you more. Your grief, anxiety, loss becomes so invisible to all who just want to see the ‘normal’ you…the lonely, miserable and stricken self is ignored, avoided and you feel so alone.

This lack of empathy, support and presence compounds the agony and therefore you work hard to make yourself functional to seek some company of friends & relatives…this charade of not trying to talk of one’s loss and tumults is exhausting and folks (those who know you and know your shame & loss than those who don’t) need to be so reassured the elephant in the room wouldn’t be stirred whatever be the stricken’s losses & defeats! For encounters with the grieving can be embarrassing. However despite best efforts one still may need their grief to be validated and therefore in certain desperation, sometimes the grieving like myself end up ‘performing’ misery…you cry, you start abusing some, lament on your victimhood and then make obscene remarks or joke…. the shame & appallingness of it all…The folks are then embarrassed, see you as ‘abnormal’. How grief and mental literate are we to deal with, engage in understanding, empathy and listen to a chronic depressive & grief stricken non judgementally?

Such unpleasant and embarrassing acts, such behavior is all part of the misery of grief & loneliness made worse by invisibility. ‘Normality’, ‘positivity’ and to be in elevated state of ‘highs’ constantly, the vibes of our times, itself are pathological as much if not more so, than what the formal pathology of depression, grief, BPD entails. And with someone like me carrying my woes so deeply embedded in my soul, being ‘normal’ is exhausting. Wonder how many will understand such dilemmas that grief, depression and anxiety throws at you 😢 #Grief #validation #Anxiety #normalising