3 Tips for Watching Shows and Movies That Are Triggering Your PTSD

I find that I am drawn to TV shows that remind me of my own abuse. I watch in horror but still cannot stop. I watch shows like Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Forensic Files, Criminal Minds and so much more. I almost do not have an appetite for anything else on TV. Why is this?

• What is PTSD?

Initially, I did not even know this was a problem. I just thought I liked the shows and wanted to learn more about crime. But that is not the entire story.

If I really examine what the draw is about, I see a few things:

1. The adrenaline rush.

I experience a physical reaction that is reminiscent of past experiences of trauma. I am attracted to this because it is familiar. I sit on the edge of my seat waiting for the climax and the discovery of the perpetrator and the fear they are causing. I am riveted and breathless as I watch.

2. Empathy for the victim that I did not receive.

The police officers and agents are treating the victims with care and understanding. They are surrounding them with attention and are not blaming them for the abuse or making them feel responsible. They are acknowledged as a victim with courage and agency. I did not have this. No one came to my rescue. No one said, “this should not be happening to you and I am here to save you.” Instead, I was alone and judged and made to feel guilty. I was a victim with no one to cry out to.

3. Positive outcome.

They catch the bad guy and they are punished. My abusers are on the loose and no one is looking for them. They are carrying on with their lives as if nothing has happened. At least on the show, justice is served. The abuser gets shamed and held accountable. All their worldly privileges are taken away and they suffer — directly in opposition to what my abusers are going through.

4. Solved in an hour.

In an hour, all is solved. My decades, or abuse boiled down into an hour. These abused women get justice right away and that is a reward like no other. I am still waiting for justice that is clearly not coming any time soon.

When I went to my first trauma unit at a mental health facility, the stated rules said that you could not watch any triggering TV. That was the first time I had ever considered that I was doing harm to myself — that my watching these shows was causing me distress and that it was impeding my healing. I was even watching them right before I was going to sleep. I now know these should only be consumed in moderation and when mentally stable. The flashbacks they caused were very distressing. When I pulled back from watching the shows, my anxiety noticeably reduced.

More survivors need to know that they do not need to revictimize themselves by consuming media that is harmful for us. I have many friends who are survivors as well, and who do what I do and watch these shows. They also say they are drawn to them for basically the same reasons I outlined.

With all that said, Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) gives us some helpful tips to be better consumers of movies and TV that may be triggering.

When watching TV and movies, you will notice that sexual violence is a dramatic part of the plot, sometimes contain overly graphic scenes and will often focus on trauma over healing.

1. You are in control.

The remote is in your hands. You do not have to subject yourself to these images and themes. For once, you are in control of what you experience. You can turn away and practice self-care for PTSD triggers.

2. Pay attention to the warnings.

Find out through research what kind of content a show has. My friends usually warn me when recommending a show, or you can check sites like here to see what they outline as triggers in specific shows. Do your homework; it matters. There are a lot of tools on the internet for this.

3. Remember, this is not the whole story.

The show or movie lasts for a couple of hours. In no way can they cover all the context that is involved in addressing a sexual assault, the aftermath and all its nuances. So be aware that this is not reality and there is so much more to these situations that remains unseen. Use your best judgment. This perspective has been very helpful for me.

I would also add that you know yourself and what you can handle. Take care of yourself and do not force this. It will take time to remove yourself from these shows if you are anything like me and that is all you watch. I know there are many landmines in the media. There are also many options for media these days. Be a mindful consumer; that will pay off in the long run.

You deserve stress-free viewing. You do not have to be retraumatized. That is not OK. You can do better by yourself. I wish you safe and happy watching.