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How I Feel Now That My Abusive Parents Are Moving to My Town

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Editor's Note

If you’ve experienced domestic violence or emotional abuse, sexual abuse or assault, the following post could be potentially triggering.

You can contact The National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.

You can contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline online by selecting “chat now” or calling 1-800-799-7233.

You can also contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741741.

When I was a little girl, I was sexually and emotionally abused by my parents.

The abuse went on for two decades. Like many abused children, I blamed myself for the abuse. I did everything in my power to make it stop but the reality is stopping it was not in my power or my job.

• What is PTSD?

No one came to my rescue even though the signs were there. I was trapped in my house with evil and there was no way out. No teacher asked any questions or offered a listening ear. My aunts and uncles seemed to take my parents’ side. My grandmothers seemed helpless. I had no one to turn to.

I just dissociated my torture and developed multiple identities to cope. The abuse was so unbearable that I split early on. The splitting was the only way I was able to survive. I have dissociative identity disorder (DID). It has been my saving grace.

I was a captive of my parents for most of my life. It was not until 2008 (when I was 36 years old) that I was able to end my relationship with them.

They, however, did not go quietly. They showed up at my job, my place of residence, called my job, and stalked me, my family and friends on social media. They hired private detectives to discover as much information as they could about me. They colluded with my pastor to discover where my daughter was and how they could gain custody of her.

All this stalking really scared me, and I feared for my safety. I had nightmares that they were going to hire someone to pull up in a white van and kidnap me. They were going to take me to a deprogramming camp and keep me there until I agreed to take back what I had said about the abuse.

Finally, four years ago (after I received a text from my mother asking to meet), I sent a cease-and-desist letter from my attorney to my parents and brother, instructing them to stop contacting me and if they did not, I would be forced to notify the authorities. They responded that they would stop trying to contact me.

I have not heard from them in the last few years.

They are back.

My brother lives in the same town I live in, but I have also not seen him since 2008, except in 2012 when he showed up at my apartment and banged on my door.

My parents live one state over.

I was just recently informed that my parents are relocating to my town to be closer to my brother. Next month.

I am freaking out!

The last thing I need is them living near me and the possibility of running into them at a local restaurant or grocery store. My mother is preoccupied with being back in my life and renewing access to her grandchild. I can only imagine her mind being focused on finding me and harassing me into seeing her.

I fear a run-in with my family. There is only so much planning I can do for such an encounter. I fear that my child parts will surface, and I will acquiesce to my parents’ wishes and will let them talk to me. That I will feel sorry for them and will recant to keep the peace.

I am already having thoughts from alters that maybe we should just forgive them. That just giving in would be better than fighting them.

Deep down, I do miss family and what that should mean. They were never good to me but for some reason, I still hold on to the magical dream of a warm and loving family. I miss the happy dream that did not ever exist.

My therapist told me to call the police if I feel harassed. That is easier said than done. I just cannot call the police on other Black people. The potential consequences are real life and death.

I am not sure what I will do if I am approached by them in the parking lot of my local Kroger or in my driveway.

I am feeling captive to them again.

I will plan the best I can and pray that I will stay grounded during the encounter and focus on getting out of the encounter with the least harm, both physically and emotionally.

It is hard to imagine that people who you have told to leave you alone will defy your wishes and pursue you habitually. They are obviously not taking responsibility for how they previously treated me and therefore will do anything they can think of to regain control over me. I am a strong woman who has freed myself from them before and I am capable to keeping myself safe. I am no longer the small child they abused. I am grown and full of the power to ask for help and to defend myself.

The source of my courage.

I survived two decades of torture. I can manage a confrontation with monsters that aim to hurt me emotionally. I am tall and big and can defend myself unlike when I was a child. They can no longer destroy me.

I am all-powerful now.

I can do this. I am Mighty Strong!

Photo by Frank McKenna on Unsplash

Originally published: June 4, 2021
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