Why I Still Watch Triggering Material as a Trauma Survivor

Before trigger warnings were a common practice, it was easy to get blindsided by content. You just never knew when something triggering might show up. So, I’m super grateful that including trigger warnings in books, TV and movies is becoming more the standard than the exception. But with these warnings, I’ve learned something important about myself. I can actually handle more than I think I can. In fact, I’ve learned that sometimes watching triggering material can even be a helpful process for me.

• What is PTSD?

First off, I should say that the way other trauma survivors (or those with other various mental illnesses) view material is incredibly personal. What may be triggering to one person is no big deal for another. That’s the beauty of these types of warnings – everyone can decide for themselves what to watch and what to switch off. For me, I’ve realized that seeing that trigger warning can act as a buffer — I know to expect that I’ll be watching something potentially upsetting. But I also have the choice to continue watching and to fast-forward or turn off something that is too much for me. Everyone has to decide for themselves how to view triggering content. 

However, I’ve been noticing recently that I’m able to tolerate a lot of content simply because I can connect so much to what’s being shown. Even though it can be difficult to watch a lot of these shows, I find that it can actually be helpful to do so. I recently watched the “Allen vs. Farrow” series which centers on a case of childhood sexual abuse. While the content at times was triggering, I could also totally relate to Dylan Farrow’s wish to be a “stronger” survivor and her sense of shame. I tuned into Netflix’s “The Crown” to see eating disorder trigger warnings. I watched anyway because it helped me remember that even princesses can struggle with mental health issues. I checked out a documentary about the gymnastics abuse scandal to find comfort in the fact that many victims don’t tell adults about their abuse when it’s happening (just like me). In each of these pieces of content, there were echoes of my own experience. I found solace in the idea that I’m not alone as a trauma survivor, even though it feels like that sometimes.

I could choose to cut myself off from any triggering material, but then where would I draw the line? There are so many triggers that I might as well stop watching TV and movies altogether. For some people, this is their only option to avoid panic attacks, flashbacks, etc. But for me, I’ve learned that in most cases, it’s better to endure some uncomfortable feelings (and sometimes some nausea or a racing heart) if I’ll find that comfort in knowing I’m not alone. Because every time I finish watching something with a trigger warning, I’m reminded that I can do hard things. I can face challenging content and carefully choose elements that make me feel like a healthier person, someone who is truly healing. I’ll probably always have to pay attention to trigger warnings and to evaluate in that moment in time if I feel strong enough to handle watching something potentially upsetting. But I can also be proud of myself for knowing that I can recognize my own struggles onscreen. And even if my life sometimes feels like it should come with a trigger warning itself, I know that I can power through to find validation and light in unexpected places.