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"The silence that shaped me"

“The Silence That Shaped Me”

A true story of pain, survival, and rediscovery.

My name is not important here — what matters is the story I carry within me.

The person I’ve become today has been shaped not just by choices, but by silent battles I never asked for… but had to survive.

My childhood was supposed to be filled with innocence and laughter — but some memories left marks far deeper than bruises. I was very young when I first encountered something that no child should ever experience. A trusted neighbor, someone we used to visit without fear, took advantage of our innocence. What happened in that closed room was confusing and terrifying. I didn’t understand what he was doing at the time — only that it felt wrong. Somehow, I managed to run away. But the fear didn’t leave with me.

The second incident hit even closer to home. It was a cousin — someone I had grown up calling ‘bhai’. I had no knowledge of what was right or wrong, no awareness of how to protect myself. It started subtly — an inappropriate video, a misleading word, calling it a “game.” Slowly, his behavior crossed all limits. There were moments when I was asleep, and he would violate my space without a word. I remained silent. Too scared to speak. Too young to even fully understand. And that silence slowly became my prison.

The third time, it was yet another cousin. This one lived with us for a while at my grandmother’s house. His approach was different — almost gentle. I was still a child, and I mistook the wrong kind of attention for affection. I didn’t understand boundaries. Eventually, I realized it was wrong, and I stepped away. But by then, I had already begun to question my own worth.

These experiences didn’t just end in childhood — they left a lasting imprint on the way I saw myself, the world, and relationships. I couldn’t sit still in one place emotionally. I struggled with self-worth, with fear, and often with guilt that was never mine to carry. I kept pretending I was okay. I kept running from the shadows of my past.

Until something changed.

Amidst this chaos, I met someone — unexpectedly. A boy, living far away, who entered my life with a kind heart and a gentle soul. In a world where I had forgotten how to trust, he made me feel safe. He didn’t know about my past, but he recognized my present pain. Instead of running from it, he stood by me — with patience, with care, and with love that asked for nothing in return.

For the first time, I began to feel human again.

I began to believe that I could be loved — not despite my past, but simply for who I am.

Even now, there are nights when old memories visit.

Even now, I struggle with things I can’t always explain.

But now… I have someone who doesn’t demand perfection — he walks beside me through the imperfection.

This is my story — real, raw, and unfiltered.

Not for sympathy. Not for attention.

But to remind someone out there that you are not alone.

What happened to us was never our fault.

And healing, though not instant, is possible — when love is patient, and when we begin to forgive ourselves for surviving.

*This story may tell about the author she wants help anonymously*##Childhoodtrauma #Trauma #realstory #story #unspokenwords #MentalHealth

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Men's Mental Health Matters!

"the world is a little blurry, or maybe it's my eyes."

Men’s Mental Health matters. We have feelings, we can be vulnerable and we can cry. I have been seeing some toxic masculinity posts and decided to be the real me here. If you feel differently about me after reading this, go ahead and leave respectfully. Now, let me tell you about real me:

I am depressed. I have been depressed for months. I have also been struggling; no, I have been battling depression and anxiety. You might have said ‘oh, I am depressed’ at least once. But what does clinically diagnosed depression mean? Well, think about the time you felt unfortunate; now add having no energy, worrying about everything, and just struggling to survive. Now, that’s sad, but that’s reality. I started isolating myself from my friends; I loved spending time in the dark, gained 15+ extra Kilograms, slept horribly, cried a lot and felt so so horrible. Men can also go through this as well! The day I tried did self harm changed my life. I am feeling so sad and ashamed saying this, but this is my life. And I have to learn to be proud of myself.

But if there is one thing I know is that there is hope. For me. For the future. And there are moments when I feel hopeless, useless, ugly, dumb, and they happen quite a lot. But I don't just jump to hurting myself anymore. I felt genuinely happy a few weeks ago. How good did that feel? It was so beautiful. To feel so delighted. I might cry now. And I have not felt as good ever since, but I am working towards it. Towards happiness. And maybe, just maybe, I can do it.This is really me. I have hope for myself. And that makes me feel powerful.

You, whoever you are, should know that someone out there loves you unconditionally. Someone is out there who cares for you. Always be you. Never be ashamed of being you. Never, and I mean, never be ashamed of asking for help. Know that suffering is not showing weakness, but asking for help is showing strength. You are beautiful just the way you are. Know that God always supports you, and he loves you. Never let pain and struggle to define you. This is what I wanted to hear all the time, but I never asked for help. I tried to scream so many times from frustration and pain, but I chose not to. And now I regret my decision. But there is no time to look back now. There is no time to die. And never will be. There always is a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep loving, keep shining, keep fighting. I want to end this message with the following: I suffered from depression&anxiety for many months; I became a victim, but the moment I acknowledged the problem, I became a survivor, and I started battling it. Thank you for reading, whoever you are.

Thank you, Thank you to my incredible friends and family for always being there for me.

Always remember - I appreciate you.

#mentalhealthmatters #mensmentalhealthmatters #Depression #Anxiety #realstory #mentalhealthmattersm

8 comments
Post

Men's Mental Health Matters!

m"the world is a little blurry, or maybe it's my eyes."

Men’s Mental Health matters. We have feelings, we can be vulnerable and we can cry. I have been seeing some toxic masculinity posts and decided to be the real me here. If you feel differently about me after reading this, go ahead and leave respectfully. Now, let me tell you about real me:

I am depressed. I have been depressed for months. I have also been struggling; no, I have been battling depression and anxiety. You might have said ‘oh, I am depressed’ at least once. But what does clinically diagnosed depression mean? Well, think about the time you felt unfortunate; now add having no energy, worrying about everything, and just struggling to survive. Now, that’s sad, but that’s reality. I started isolating myself from my friends; I loved spending time in the dark, gained 15+ extra Kilograms, slept horribly, cried a lot and felt so so horrible. Men can also go through this as well! The day I tried did self harm changed my life. I am feeling so sad and ashamed saying this, but this is my life. And I have to learn to be proud of myself.

But if there is one thing I know is that there is hope. For me. For the future. And there are moments when I feel hopeless, useless, ugly, dumb, and they happen quite a lot. But I don't just jump to hurting myself anymore. I felt genuinely happy a few weeks ago. How good did that feel? It was so beautiful. To feel so delighted. I might cry now. And I have not felt as good ever since, but I am working towards it. Towards happiness. And maybe, just maybe, I can do it.This is really me. I have hope for myself. And that makes me feel powerful.

You, whoever you are, should know that someone out there loves you unconditionally. Someone is out there who cares for you. Always be you. Never be ashamed of being you. Never, and I mean, never be ashamed of asking for help. Know that suffering is not showing weakness, but asking for help is showing strength. You are beautiful just the way you are. Know that God always supports you, and he loves you. Never let pain and struggle to define you. This is what I wanted to hear all the time, but I never asked for help. I tried to scream so many times from frustration and pain, but I chose not to. And now I regret my decision. But there is no time to look back now. There is no time to die. And never will be. There always is a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep loving, keep shining, keep fighting. I want to end this message with the following: I suffered from depression&anxiety for many months; I became a victim, but the moment I acknowledged the problem, I became a survivor, and I started battling it. Thank you for reading, whoever you are.

Thank you, Thank you to my incredible friends and family for always being there for me.

Always remember - I appreciate you.

P.S. See the real difference depression made to me!

#mensmentalhealthmatters #Depression #Anxiety #realstory #mentalhealthmatters

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