mensmentalhealthmatters

Living with Pmdd is difficult for us. But its equally difficult for our loved ones.
I often feel they are given the hardest hit when our PMDD hell weeks strike as they are the ones closet to us.

We spent half the month living as an alter ego. From conversations with my own husband, he spends those weeks walking on eggs shells not knowing whether he is going to wake up to a word vomit of my own anger & self hatred that gets directed at him, whether he will find me inflicting harm on body in a desperate bid to try & find a way to release the inner urges to be unalive & see colour in the dark world once more or whether he simply find me drowning in a hell of fatigue, pain & tears.

It isn't just the monopoly of symptoms for me to deal with, but for him also.

To often I've forgetten that he needs time to ground himself in the unfamiliar world that is now not just mine, but his also, to cry, to catch his breath, to feel his own vulnerability & be able to talk about it.

All too often I've taken for granted that my good weeks should also mean they are his, without looking deeper and realising that my good weeks are the weeks that he struggles the most, in the calm before the storm, as he knows exactly what lies ahead.

Men, partners, loved ones.
Its ok to cry, to be vulnerable, to show vulnerability, to need support & seek support. Its ok if your good weeks don't coincide with ours.

You don't have to be ok for us all the time.

#PMDD #PremenstrualDysphoricDisorder #pmddpartners #pmddrelationships #mentalhealthmatters #mensmentalhealthmatters #MensMentalHealth #MentalHealth #menstrualdisorders #periodproblems

I honestly don’t know. I myself felt ashamed of being depressed for a long time. I managed to push through even I was ready to give up. Depression is an actual illness. It is diagnosed and diagnosed by doctors. According to the APA, “Depression is a serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, think and act. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems”. So why do we feel ashamed of their illness?

It starts as sadness then I feel myself shutting down, becoming less capable of coping. Eventually, I just feel numb and empty. When we feel sad, we say we are depressed. But is that right? Sadness is a temporary feeling. But depression is an illness that affects every part of your life. You don’t just feel sad - you feel worthless, tired, emotionless and just like dying. It’s like your body is pushing to live, but your mind wants to die. You want to be happy, but you are too tired to try. You just want to take a break and breathe for a second until you are drowned again by your feelings. Then you cry to release all the tension. But you remember that according to society, crying is not manly, and you once again try to keep all of those emotions in. Sometimes it feels like I need to cry and scream and kick and shout. Sometimes I go quiet and lock myself in my room and sometimes I have to be doing something at all times of the day to distract myself. That’s an endless circle that depressed people experience daily.

Now, you might feel sad about this. But you will still say that you are depressed. Please learn that depression is an actual illness. Just like physical illness. Try to say that you are sad and not depressed. Because someone sitting next to you might be suffering alone, and you might make them feel uneasy about opening up to you. By taking this small step, we learn to accept depression as a reality and give millions of people the courage to open up.

It’s normal to feel frustrated and powerless when depression intensifies. Reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255. Reach the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741. Talk to someone. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SUFFER ALONE. #mensmentalhealthmatters #MentalHealth

"the world is a little blurry, or maybe it's my eyes."

Men’s Mental Health matters. We have feelings, we can be vulnerable and we can cry. I have been seeing some toxic masculinity posts and decided to be the real me here. If you feel differently about me after reading this, go ahead and leave respectfully. Now, let me tell you about real me:

I am depressed. I have been depressed for months. I have also been struggling; no, I have been battling depression and anxiety. You might have said ‘oh, I am depressed’ at least once. But what does clinically diagnosed depression mean? Well, think about the time you felt unfortunate; now add having no energy, worrying about everything, and just struggling to survive. Now, that’s sad, but that’s reality. I started isolating myself from my friends; I loved spending time in the dark, gained 15+ extra Kilograms, slept horribly, cried a lot and felt so so horrible. Men can also go through this as well! The day I tried did self harm changed my life. I am feeling so sad and ashamed saying this, but this is my life. And I have to learn to be proud of myself.

But if there is one thing I know is that there is hope. For me. For the future. And there are moments when I feel hopeless, useless, ugly, dumb, and they happen quite a lot. But I don't just jump to hurting myself anymore. I felt genuinely happy a few weeks ago. How good did that feel? It was so beautiful. To feel so delighted. I might cry now. And I have not felt as good ever since, but I am working towards it. Towards happiness. And maybe, just maybe, I can do it.This is really me. I have hope for myself. And that makes me feel powerful.

You, whoever you are, should know that someone out there loves you unconditionally. Someone is out there who cares for you. Always be you. Never be ashamed of being you. Never, and I mean, never be ashamed of asking for help. Know that suffering is not showing weakness, but asking for help is showing strength. You are beautiful just the way you are. Know that God always supports you, and he loves you. Never let pain and struggle to define you. This is what I wanted to hear all the time, but I never asked for help. I tried to scream so many times from frustration and pain, but I chose not to. And now I regret my decision. But there is no time to look back now. There is no time to die. And never will be. There always is a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep loving, keep shining, keep fighting. I want to end this message with the following: I suffered from depression&anxiety for many months; I became a victim, but the moment I acknowledged the problem, I became a survivor, and I started battling it. Thank you for reading, whoever you are.

Thank you, Thank you to my incredible friends and family for always being there for me.

Always remember - I appreciate you.

#mentalhealthmatters #mensmentalhealthmatters #Depression #Anxiety #realstory #mentalhealthmattersm