I stopped taking all my medications about three months ago. I know, I know, a bad idea. I work in the mental health field and I would never encourage any of my clients to do that. So why did I? I’m not sure. I am so accepting of others needing medication but when it comes to me, I don’t want them. I don’t want to take a medication in order to want to stay alive. I don’t want a medication in order for my moods to be within an “appropriate range”. I hate it. So after I stopped taking them, I felt the hypomania which lasted a few weeks. Then a bit of a depressive slump, then back to hypomania.

I can feel a big depressive episode coming. I can tell and I’ve been chasing pleasure and excitement in order to avoid it but I can tell that it isn’t going to work much longer. So now I have to decide what my next move is.

I’m thankful I can recognize the signs of what’s coming. I’m thankful I can monitor myself enough to know where I’m at and what’s healthy and not healthy. I’m thankful I didn’t let myself slip too far down the rabbit hole yet.

I’m going to take some time this afternoon to put together a safety plan and a recovery plan. I’m going to make sure I’m taking time to take care of myself and time to do the things I love. I’m going to try to eat more and create a healthier sleeping schedule. I’m going to do everything I can to fight this while I still have the energy to do so.

#BipolarDisorder #Bipolar #Depression #bipolarmeds #SuicidalIdeation #recoveryplan