Suicidal Ideation

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Suicidal Ideation
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I don’t feel like life is worth living anymore. I’ve fallen into this same exact pattern day in and day out. I use to have so much variety in my life with all the different things I did and now all I do say in and day out is sleep work come home sleep work….

I don’t know how to change this and it’s slowly killing me from the inside out. Mentally I’ve been more stable and I just hate living in this doldrums. And that’s why I don’t feel like life is worth living anymore if this is what I have to look forward to is absolutely nothing…

#CheckInWithMe #SuicidalIdeation #MentalHealth #SuicidalThoughts

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#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #Depression #SuicidalIdeation

Chickened Out

And Not Doing

Month Long DBT Residential Program.

I was Afraid of Cost and The Reviews on the Facility.

5 reactions 1 comment

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #Depression #SuicidalIdeation #PTSD

Took the Plunge and Contacted a Place for a Month Long Residential Program.

They Do DBT .

Just Waiting on Approval.

Very Nervous

20 reactions 5 comments

I Made A Youtube Video #DissociationDisorders #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

It wasn’t my first youtube video but it was my first video about mental health and revealing my diagnosis.

I feel completely calls to make more videos. I have an idea of when that I want to make but I would love to hear others opinions on some thing that they would like to hear from me. Topics to talk about, questions to answer, anything at all. So let me know? Thanks ♥️

The original video is on my profile.

#DissociationDisorders #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Depression #MentalHealth #PanicAttacks #Anxiety #bpd #SuicidalIdeation

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You Dont Know Me


In a land where all things look good and kept is a reality that something’s not quite right.

Enter the villain 🦹‍♀️ the Narcissist who married an Exho. Yet while the Echo was unaware the echo tried so many different things to make IT all work for the children and the spouse. Over the top adventures were agreed to reckless spending and debt was agreed to and in fact co signed the spouse’s University Student Debt.

All was good as long as the spouse was pleased and entertained. However the spouse would become board. Would even start to exhibit out of character behaviour and would go out with their so called friends staying out endlessly while the echo looked after the children.

Then the affairs and the echo would call out the Narcissist. The Narcissist would be confronted by family and would recline into a relationship with the echo again. The cycle continues yet the echo becomes more and more aware more and more watching absent and picks qualities from the narcissist to emulate.

Now there are two in the same house who’s placing their needs of self love over each other’s needs for one and other.

The bed grows cobwebs and there is no passionate connection only passive aggressive behaviour and malicious behaviour with manipulation. Everything is a game a dance of sorrows.

The children watch on as their parents transform from loving caring parents into separate souls who reject each other’s desires or needs.

This sounds horrible yet remember the echo has leaned. Agile and smart in order to survive. Abused neglected and abandoned by their spouse on a numerous occasions for affairs of fancy and inappropriate behaviour.

The echo unaware that the abuse was directed at them and the children becomes even more self aware. Therapy and counselling bring into the light the true situation. The echo sets limit’s expectations the narcissist plows over them the echo sets standards the narcissist prefers to do what they what when they want with who they want.

The echo mimics this behaviour the narcissist becomes unstable and physically aggressive with covert manipulation.

Long story short the echo becomes the villain based on the narcissist’s manipulation.

Now the victim becomes the villain and the divorce starts.

The victim and villain is treated well like the villain reinforcing the trauma and relationships traumas events CPTSD and other mental health related issues like suicidal ideation and dissociation.

The victim or villain becomes incarcerated only to find their true selves in the institution while recovering ❤️‍🩹 from the narcissist being separated from the narcissist and developing a sense of self reliance with spiritual growth.

The victim and villain returns to become the hero 🦸‍♀️

Not the hero to themselves no the echo is still growing underneath and realizing what has truly happened and why IT happened yet this person is not the same person that entry the institution. No this person is completely different. The hero is hero to observers and othe survivors. Becoming an inspiration and testimony to the people who come in contact with the survivor.

The survivor begins helping random strangers empowering their beliefs and self narratives to be self loving with compassion while healing ❤️‍🩹 in peer social and yes groups with others dealing with loved experiences.

The hero is no long an echo no the echo is now an emotionally awakened spiritual healer. Yet growing learning supporting and yes very much still recovering ❤️‍🩹.

This healer this shaman this foraged soul built in the depths of the despair is beyond comprehension to most and yet this story has a happy ending.

The hero continues their journey and helps others along the way while also developing healthy boundaries and relationships because they are now healthy and they now have self compassion for their own needs and the needs of thier children.

The book comes out and there are so many people that are touched by the story and illuminates other’s suffering that they begin to believe and become stronger than ever able to brake their own chains and set themselves free.

The story of one can effect others and empower others.

This is a true story name’s removed for protection.

If this story is happening or has happened to you or someone you are not alone.

You matter

You are important

You belong

You are valued

You are worthy

Please remember to be safe be well be loved 🥰 your worthy.

Don’t forget IT.

We hope this helps someone out there even just one. Don’t give up don’t give in don’t stop fighting. There are so many people depending on you.

You just haven’t met them yet or they haven’t read your store.

#LivedExperiance #Support #MentalHealth #Grief #PTSD #Depression #Anxiety #SuicidalIdeation #Survivor #DissociationDisorders #Healing #Recovery #restoration #Newlife #Empowerment #Hope #Joy #Love #peace #patience lots of patience.

Be well we hope this finds you well if you know someone struggling or suffering and situation, please help them. They don’t even know they need help.

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A key question…

What did people here who felt deeply suicidal, do to overcome doing the baleful deed? pls suggest #SuicidalIdeation #Anxiety #Fear #melancholia #Shame

35 reactions 31 comments

Lost Friendship

I lost a friendship after I went to the ER for suicidal ideation. It was and still is a gut punch. She wants nothing to do with me now and has said some terrible things to be privately and publicly on Facebook. I know I did the right thing taking care of myself and it was a battle in the moment and now as depression is. Do you have any experience or thoughts on this matter? #SuicidalIdeation #Depression

12 reactions 8 comments

Losing Friendships

I lost a friendship after I went to the ER for suicidal ideation. It was and still is a gut punch. She wants nothing to do with me now and has said some terrible things to be privately and publicly on Facebook. I know I did the right thing taking care of myself and it was a battle in the moment and now as depression is. Do you have any experience or thoughts on this matter? #SuicidalIdeation #Depression

47 reactions 15 comments
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New Me?? *trigger warning*

I'm feeling a little down today. Nothing like usual, just a little off. Sometimes this happens before the shit hits the fan, so I'm anxiously anticipating that. I feel like I live in a pinball machine, bouncing off the walls and bumpers and glass, however, today I'm just slipping along the sides and avoiding all of the obstacles. It's not a very good analogy, but it makes the most sense to me. I am asking myself if this is 'regular' or 'level' ... I can't remember the last time I felt this way.

I started a new medication (both new to me, my p-doc, and to the market) about six weeks ago.The new med belongs to a group of drugs called an atypical antipsychotic that also has an antidepressant effect. For the first time in over 40 years, I haven't had suicidal ideation every single day! It took me a couple days to realize I hadn't thought about it and it really threw me off. You have to realize that that line of thinking has been my life. Every. Single. Day. It has always been my go-to; the only thing that I felt I had control over. My p-doc is astounded at how I've turned around. He decided to wean me off of the antidepressant I was currently on. I've noticed that I'm a little more snappy; my patience level has changed, though, for the better. I think I'm being shown that I can deal with my illness, and that it's time for me to put in a little mindfulness and being more conscious of my mood, and the ways I choose to deal with those feelings.

To put it in nutshell, I'm terrified that this is only going to be a quick fix, that it won't work, or that it will work but there's a HUGE crash coming. I'm just really afraid. I'm trying hard to stick to today and not give thought to tomorrow, but I can't just flip the switch that's been on for so long.

I really hope we're onto something here. It has been nice not to spend so much time thinking about and planning my demise.

Thank you for always listening. It's nice to have this community's support, understanding and sometimes a well-placed foot to the butt.

#Abuse #Addiction #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #ChildhoodAbuse #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD #Depression #EmotionalAbuse #Hypomania #MentalHealth #MightyPets #neglect #OurSideOfSuicide #PTSD #Relationships #SubstanceUseDisorders #Suicide #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideIdeation #SuicideSurvivors #SuicidalThoughts #Suicidethoughts #Survivor #Trauma @dannygautamawellness

7 reactions 3 comments