Almond Milk #SuicidalIdeation
The art of dissociation
I hate being numb all the time. Life just seems like it is passing by and I barely feel anything other than anxiety and sadness. Everything seems grey. No colour. No excitement. It's like I live with headphones. I basically stop hearing and stop processing what's going around me. Especially when I'm with other people or when I'm driving. I keep on forgetting things and zoning out. I think Ive been emotionally dead for so long that I don't even know what living is. I'm broken. I'm trapped in my head and I don't know how to get out. People call me quiet but they have no idea. This has been going on for so long that I just feel like failed in life. I know other people would only wish to be alive (ex.physically sick people)and I'm here not wanting anything to do with life and I'm just wasting it. Letting it apss by. #Depression #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Dissociation #numb #sad
*Trigger Warning *
I lost a acquaintance of mine but a friend to many of my friends this week.
She sadly completed suicide.
My heart breaks for all who knew her.
She was a Christian, I still struggle with all that means. I Pray she is at Peace with Jesus.
My thoughts and emotions are all over the place. Still fighting the good fight every day.
If you are reading this YOU ARE LOVED AND YOU MATTER.
#MentalHealth #SuicidalIdeation #ChronicDepression
Pendulum swinging TW: mention of self-harm
Anyone else struggling with overspending as a form of self-harm? I've gone through too much on myself or too much going outward to people.
Really trying to find a balance as I know that individual health also depends on community health, intertwined. Hard to try and live that out while still seeking my own stability and joy sometimes.
The depression has been getting worse. Suicidal ideation coming up (not at point of action or planning though *clarification). Therapist is helping to guide me through. Starting the ssri route and with a med manager now. The struggle to find energy.
Will I ever be free?