Suicidal Ideation

Every time I think it's too much and I can't go on, I reflect on how many times I've thought that and look at how far I've come. By the grace of God, I keep going and have made it a lot farther than I could have imagined. My pain and its effects are real, but I keep going. Thanks to all the love and support from family, friends, and people I've met here for all you do. #MightyTogether #ChronicIllness #InvisibleIllness #MentalHealth #Disability #Relationships #ChronicPain #Erythromelalgia #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Insomnia #SmallFiberNeuropathy #SuicidalIdeation #Faith #Hope

I'm a bipolar and undiagnosed cptsd sufferer. I am an ex child protection social worker
I'm completing an MSc in adult mental health and am really interested in treatments using pyschadelics
Anyone had any success alleviating symptoms with these all #CPTSD #BipolarDisorder #Csa #Fibromyalgia #SexualAbuseSurvivors #SuicidalIdeation 🧙‍♀️❤️🙏🙂

I'm about done lately. All the month I moved I had the CFS, Costochondritis and Fibromyalgia flaring to the point I went to the ER. They did nothing since it wasn't deemed an emergency. I don't have a PCP because they've treated me badly and basically told me it's in my head. My parents are making things worse and treating me like an idiot (I do not live with them). They told me I have to be nice to them because they're my parents. They're not nice to me. I rely on them for money or I'd be homeless. They don't understand chronic illness or mental health at all and make things worse. They are cruel.
The whole month of the move I was flaring and in extreme amounts of pain. I had one friend and two days her other friend helping and I couldn't keep pushing myself. I'm getting a cleaning fee and my apartment complex is trying to add on other fees. My parents are going to be pissed. I want to cry. I want to die. I'm talking with my psychiatrist tomorrow morning and my counselor Friday. I just don't know if I can make it that long. My cat is my anchor right now.
Any kind words or advice would be appreciated.
#Advice #Autism #SuicidalIdeation #Selfharm #Selfhate #Selfblame #Arthritis #Spoonie #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #ChronicIllness #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ChronicFatigue

Today was really hard
I don’t usually struggle with #SuicidalIdeation
It usually only occurs when I’m in the most desperate of times.
I’ve been housing insecure for two years, homeless for a year and a half.
People have truly stopped caring about what happens to me. I can’t even process all of the trauma that is happening around me.
I have no where to go.
I have reached the top of all of the agencies with absolutely no one giving me help. All I hear is “there has to be options.” No one is helping me deal with the reality of my situation. They just keep wanting to talk about what it should be.
I am being given no avenues for hope. I have tried so so so hard to plant these seeds. But I can’t keep doing it while being trampled.
I don’t want to live this life any more. I don’t know how to get out.
#DomesticAbuseSurvivors #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks #ChronicMigraines

I used to beat myself up over the past, over the years of abuse I endured as a child and adult. I used to think that I should be healed by now. I should be where I want to be. I should be able to wake up with no to minimal anxiety or depression. I suppose that self blame is a normal reaction to being abused. Yet, I used to fall into the trap thinking that slow progress is no progress. Sometimes I still do. I tell myself that I should do a lot of things I suppose and here I am not doing many of them.

My therapist has told me time and again to not use "should" language all the time and now I see why. Healing is a journey not a destination. And while it has been 4 years since I last broke my silence I still have a long way to go. Living with three mental illnesses is draining and I often question why my healing journey gets so hard. So I lean on my faith and try to trust the process. As much as I try to trust the process, there are days where everything just hits a wall. I struggle with the emotional instability of #BipolarDisorder as well as the trauma of #PTSD and the emotional over reactivity of #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder I used to get down on myself because I felt that my mental illnesses got in the way of me making any progress. Now I realize that I have been rushing the process.

I am capable of healing to my full potential. Just like you are. I know now that slow progress is progress. Day by day whether or not it's a good or bad day I manage to make some progress. I am not responsible for the abuse but I am responsible for my healing. Someday I will get to where I was meant to be. I can look at life more objectively and positively now. Gaining mindfulness skills has helped me to achieve peace and calm even on my bad days.

I hope that you also believe that slow progress is progress and do not forget to celebrate the little victories. You deserve them. I know what it's like to struggle with anxious and depressive thoughts as well as suicidal thoughts. If you are experiencing any of this, please reach out. Your life matters! I believe in you. Thanks for believing in me. Together we can overcome anything. We are here for each other. Stay safe.

#abusesurvivor #SuicidalIdeation #Hope #Life #Healing

I have had a best friend for a decade who could handle me in my toughest. But today I realised I am burdening her as well. I feel so disgusted with myself for not being able to do something that a normal person should be able to emotionally. How much longer? I don't know if I can carry the weight anymore.
#Depression #SuicidalIdeation

#SuicidalIdeation