Suicidal Ideation

Yesterday to this morning for me is another example of why I am so thankful every day that I took the University of Pennsylvania’s online course on learning and applying resilience skills, so grateful that I typed up every single word that was taught, and that I recently started this group to share this critical knowledge from the actual people that researched this.

U. of Penn’s definition of Resilience is not only the ability to bounce back from adversity, but also the ability to grow from challenges.

In this course, Dr. Karen Reivich focuses on the psychosocial aspects of resilience. The aspects of resilience that are determined by your psychology, and by your social relationships and interactions.

So, yesterday was one of the rare days within recent years that 1) my fatigue completely took hold of me, and 2) my brain’s sleepiness was to the point that most of my brain would not wake up - all day- and I could see myself not able to function practically at all.

It’s not like this was the first time this ever occurred, and it’s always a possibility, but it is still very hard to watch myself go through this and it is also very hard to wake up from the next morning—the kind of “slap in the face” reminder that oh yeah, I live with a chronic illness that can at times, and I will never know when, will have me almost completely disabled.

So, this morning I woke up with this “setback.” And I look at it like I was brought to a “fork in the road.” And now while yesterday’s adversity was not in my control, this morning, which I always work to look at as a fresh, new day full of good possibilities, it was actually now in my control as to which way I let myself go in my mind at this “fork in the road.”

Of course upon waking up, my mind started on autopilot and took me the wrong direction. Then, the moments that I made myself ready for, the clarity, the practice of never staying in autopilot and moving forward on purpose, with intention, with as much control as I can have and before it gets too hard to get the control back.

I turned my brain’s thinking around, I put my focus on the truths that were on my side- including but not limited to the fact that I Have Bounced Back From Much Worse Than This…;and I turned my mind away from dangerous cognitive distortions and right then and there pretty fast I would not let the negativity bring me downward.

Yesterday, I still had the mindful awareness to apply radical acceptance, non-judging, patience, trust, and just letting be with what is — for this one day -these are part of the 9 Attitudes of Mindfulness that I have begun to write posts about here for you. These all link together with the skills of resilience.

What you will learn too here, amongst other important things is that -it is when we start paying attention to our inner experience, that we rapidly discover that there are certain thoughts and feelings and situations that our mind seems to want to hold on to.

And amongst other what are called “resilience interventions” that I applied were these skills that I committed to in living with intention- what are called “protective factors” that I nurture every single day so they will be there for me when I need them most, when I have to dig deeper from a wider range of resources —

I learned the Critical Skill of Optimism —which gives us the attitude to continue to persist —and I learned how Optimism is the most important factor in resilience and in all of life - well-being and strong relationships;
I commit myself to living for clarified purposes that are bigger than myself, this is not limited to relationships, it is even better for our wellbeing to have an attachment to something larger than yourself which might also be to a mission, to a purpose, to an idea, something that you believe is critically important and worth fighting for (by the way, my personal mission is that all of you are worth fighting for);
I learned what my Personality/Character Strengths are and I learned how to leverage them;
I Developed Mental Agility;
I learned how to create a “buffer of positivity”, and what is called the “Broaden And Build” theory of positive emotions;
I learned how to take control of “thinking traps” by applying “cognitive strategies”…

All of these are what is so effective about the newest branch of psychology that I approach my life by to overcome all that I do overcome— where in addition to everything else, we build strengths supports.

Positivity Psychology, a somewhat newer term, describes a dual approach to mental health- where we build strengths supports, and healthy lifestyles, as well as treating illness and distress.

AlI of this is all what I will keep breaking down into chunks in most of my posts here to this group.
This takes some work first on my part - to keep breaking down the many variables- so bear with me.

#MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorder #ChronicFatigue #ChronicIllness #Disability #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Depression #Anxiety #MoodDisorders #MotorDisorders #BipolarDepression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #AutismSpectrumDisorder #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #BipolarDisorder #Selfcare #ADHD #Relationships #FamilyAndFriends #Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #Cancers #Addiction #Selfharm #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma #RheumatoidArthritis #SocialAnxiety #LearningDisabilities #CrohnsDisease #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #RecurringMDD #TreatmentresistantDepression #Mindfulness #MDD #TRDSupport #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #AutonomicDysfunction #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #MultipleSclerosis #LymeDisease #MajorDepression #ClinicalDepression #MotivationMonday #resilience #Grief

The ennui and anomie... The complete disinterest in things which once kept me animated... Coffee or tea to begin with... Beer... Food in general... Was choosy with types and brands once. And I liked and craved good food and had my choices. Movies too I looked forward... Recall the ways I brewed my coffee. And savour my boutique tea. Today none of these enthuse ... Just about holding on to music which too I feel losing interest in... In fact I attempted to expand my choice of music to more popular... Taylor Swift, Eminem, Beyonce.. Bollywood songs (I'm from India) But no luck. Reading I still manage and get excited by certain books on politics and history... Socialising is next to non existent where again I barely seek anyone's company. Being alone and single for long now that too seems to have some logic to it. But yes... I'm anxious now... Evidently my chronic depression, despair and not in the last my age too has everything to do with my state. Just tired of everything, hopeless, stewing in my loneliness, grief and anguish which to be honest seems the reality and truth in my life. My pooch is the only company but notice how my own regret, hopelessness rubs off on my pet too. It too tries its best to get me animated but over months has resigned itself to my extreme lows. I did travel a bit but as mused in my previous post, it barely stirred or excited me in ways I used to relate to travel. I don't find anyone I can share my experience and observations with any gusto or verve. Social media surprisingly with the kind of groups on history, grief, heritage, films I follow in some way offers familiarity from my past. But the fear of all dissipating is so palpable. Extinguishing all cause for living... is happening.
#Anxiety #Loss #Shame #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Grief #Loneliness #failure

Dry bones rattle in a lonely soul
Slipped and fell into a deep black hole
I can tell you're lost, I'm here for you
Wildfires burning you down to stone
Blind eyes, turning from a world so cold
A million miles apart, within my reach
It's not like me to worry
But when I see you fading in the dark
I'll leave a light on for you
Through the long nights, I will be right
There for you if you drift too far
I'll leave a light on for you, you, you
The rain comes following an endless drought
To wash away the remnants of all your doubt
I hope that you'll see me looking out…….”

Please 🙏 go to this link below for a Guide to having a Real Conversation about mental health and pass this on, share it with everyone and anyone that you need to be there for you, and they just don’t know how they can help you.

I have found out myself within the past year with an old friend of mine that she just needed my guidance on how she could be a better and supportive friend through my dark which is only a part, but still a part of who I genuinely am. And she realizes now that to be my friend is to know about all of me. And, she has actually become really great at giving me the support I need without me asking for it too. And, our friendship has grown stronger from the honesty and true empathy.

On their website in their real convo guide they start by saying this that people do not know and they get wrong — “you don’t need special training to have an open, authentic conversation about mental health – and often, just talking about it can be the first important step in understanding where someone is with their mental health.”

How to Start and Continue a Convo About Mental Health | AFSP

At the beginning of the song’s video there is silence with a black screen and these words in white:
“Suicide is a topic that hides in the shadows.
It’s Time we talk away the dark.
We can all play a role in keeping ourselves, and the people in our lives (and community) safe.
Let’s leave a light on for each other by learning how to Talk Away the dark.

The song’s royalties will directly benefit the AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) for the rest of it’s existence. Suicide has impacted almost everyone and it’s so important to “Talk Away The Dark” and teach all how to have a conversation that could safe a life.

The lyrics also exist as a shoulder to lean on for those who feel alone in times of mental turmoil.

Frontman Jacoby Shaddix emphasized that mental health is not an individual struggle, but rather a serious issue that "affects all of us."

Finally, the critical message is starting to get out there that We All have a role in preventing suicide and supporting each other’s mental health.

#MightyMusic #Music #musictherapy #Songs #Lyrics #MentalHealth #Depression #Grief #Loneliness #Anxiety #Caregiving #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma #BipolarDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDepression #Disability #CerebralPalsy #RareDisease #Selfharm #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #MoodDisorders #MotorDisorders #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #DepressiveDisorders #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #IfYouFeelHopeless #MightyTogether #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #Fibromyalgia #ParkinsonsDisease #Migraine #Cancers #POTS #CheckInWithMe #FamilyAndFriends #Epilepsy #Autism #PanicAttacks #PanicDisorder

I haven’t written here for a while, and I’ve rewritten this a few times. It’s not perfect, I’ve been struggling to put exactly what I feel to worlds. But I think I did a pretty decent job with this. I’m sure I’ll get a lot of disagreement, but honestly I just need it off my mind, regardless of the outcome.

I’m confused. It’s been a very rough 6/7 months. My job downsized and I unfortunately lost my job in May. Two week later my soul cat suddenly passed, without warning, there was nothing the vet could do apart from humanly put him down. I’ve been on unemployment since, every week sending out countless applications, it’s now basically December, and I’ve been on two interviews. And just dealing with the chasm of unending darkness left in my soul cat’s wake.

It’s the holiday season, the happiness time of the year. I feel nothing but sadness. On a side note, it’s Black Friday when I’m writing this. I’m shopping with my family, it’s tradition. I definitely don’t feel the festive cheer this year.

Needless to say I’ve been suicidal. Safe to say, I’ve been strongly considering this as an option. I just want to pain to end. Pain that feels like it has become a permanent part of my being.

Society tells me that suicide is ‘selfish’ and that ‘it gets better’. Does it really though? I know there are those out there that have gotten lucky. But since suicide even exists proves some are not.

I’m told to seek help, I have been struggling to find a decent physiologist for years, and my therapist is fine. I’m put on different medication, taken off others. Meds are tweaked and yet nothing changes. I may get physically sick for a bit and my head gets foggy.

My belief has changed in recent months. I’m now starting to believe that those who tell me to ‘hang on’ and that suicide is a ‘selfish act’ are in fact the selfish ones. Why? If someone has a terminal illness, we make them comfortable in hospices care. If a pet is suffering we assist with euthanasia. With mental health professionals just keep changing and tweaking my meds which I had to wait months to even see if they work. To schedule appointments with my psychiatrist and therapist to talk about my feels. Or be admitted to the psychiatric care…The health care system wants to keep me sick and has no interest in seeing me ‘get better’ they are greedy wanting my money, money which is steadily decreasing.

No one offers to pay my bills, or for my groceries and necessities. It’s literally all sugary talk to guilt trip me into remaining here, alive, with a falsehood that it ‘gets better’.

If/when I get a job it will just be a job, a menial position where I dissociate for 40 hours a week for months on end to barely scrape by. Because my unemployment is ending shortly and I’m running out of options with company’s supposedly ‘hiring’. According to indeed and zip recruiter I meet the qualifications for what I’m applying for so…

Instead, why not offer someone suicidal a safe way out of their pain, suffering and crummy situation instead of the absolute garbage verbal response, fake positivity, and a very broken healthcare system.

I’d take advice of that service no ands ifs or butts. I mean I’m already strongly considering taking my life already, it just has to be private due to the gross stigma.

Let’s flip the script.

Those who die by suicide are brave, strong individuals who needed help and guidance, help and guidance that were denied time and time again by a society that arrogant and selfish and would rather spread and promote falsely positive garbage rhetoric and pump them full of meds that might work…in 3 months otherwise, we’ll try again…and again…again…

Those who took their own life knew what they needed and were/are courageous and honestly, I’d be lucky to be among them.

Peace ✌🏻
#CheckInWithMe #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide #MentalHealth #Depression #MajorDepressiveDisorder

If You don’t think you are special, then why would I make You this collage and on a holiday🤗

Extra appreciation for everyone that has been joining this group of mine, Yay🙌🙌🙌🙌 We’re growing!

“We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.”

“It’s the friends we meet along the way who help us appreciate the journey.”

Ok, so you all need some of my tools like right now 😊

These 3 powerful words Will
Always help you to come back to only the present moment:
“Be Here Now”

I can’t emphasize enough that The most powerful tool that you Always have for self-regulation of all of your emotions and for pulling some energy out of nowhere when you are fatigued and depleted is Conscious (Deliberate) Breathing.
And it is also about taking control of what's going on in our bodies. Being aware of our breath or our heart rate.

Let’s do some deliberate breathing together:

Think these simple & fun mindful words with me:
As you inhale “Breathe in the good”
As you exhale “Breathe out the bad”
Make it a deep and strong inhale and an even longer exhale

“Just Take Care Of Now.”
This is a short but very calming go-to sentence when you are overwhelmed and or running on empty, so out of gas.

This is my quick & empowering go-to statement as well to remind myself fast that I am not a mind reader and thoughts are not always facts…
“I choose to judge nothing that occurs.”
This in technical terms helps with -
—Nonjudgment of inner experience and
—-Nonreactivity to inner experience (Creating That Space/spaciousness of mind)

We will be talking about this and so much more in here in my group “Resilience and Mindfulness” so if you haven’t joined us yet - click that Join button and keep this group on your radar.

May this help your Thanksgiving day and everyday bring you Ease, Calm, Peace, and Balance.

#MentalHealth #WarmWishes #Mindfulness #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ChronicFatigue #ChronicPain #Selfcare #Selfharm #Grief #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDepression #MoodDisorders #BipolarDisorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #Trauma #Agoraphobia #Cancers #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Headache #Migraine #ADHD #Addiction #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #Autism #RheumatoidArthritis #Disability #ChronicIllness #RareDisease #IfYouFeelHopeless #Cancer #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #dissociativedisorders #MightyTogether #DistractMe #CheckInWithMe #SocialAnxiety #Relationships

Holidays, right?!

I would like to open this post up here in my group “Resilience and Mindfulness” to an ongoing conversation and place for you to share and be seen, heard, understood and helped if even in any small, but possibly big way.

A lot more heavy emotions and thoughts come to surface.

Even ones we have been healing from.

Then there is also the stressful energy that others around us bring to our space of balance and peace.

I want you to know that since I am really living up to my fun username my first group members gave me-
slay queen, I have been slaying these heavy old memories and complicated feelings that have been already arising for me - during this Thanksgiving time, and I have been slaying my husband’s gaslighting and negativity…, so I am in a great place to be here to give a shoulder to lean on, two ears to listen deeply if you can open up and share with me here in this group I created for all of you, or feel free to message me to my inbox and I will do all that I can to give (as soon as technical difficulties in this app or time allows) to reply back to you to give you more light, more strength, more confidence, more connection, more perspective, more resources and tools, more positivity, more tangible hope…..

I want you to know that opening up and talking through your dark is strength, and so is letting others you can trust in our safe space, others like me who are reaching out a hand to take a hand, to take many hands, and offering to care more.

Your friend in this very hard thing called life,
Dawn

#MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Relationships #ChronicIllness #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Anxiety #Depression #Grief #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Loneliness #MoodDisorders #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #Autism #Disability #Selfcare #Selfharm #EatingDisorders #RareDisease #Mindfulness #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Fibromyalgia #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #Trauma #Addiction #Agoraphobia #SocialAnxiety #Cancers #ADHD #AnorexiaNervosa #Cancer #Caregiving #IfYouFeelHopeless #MightyTogether #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicDailyHeadache #Headache #Migraine #WarmWishes

“On this sacred path of Radical Acceptance, rather than striving for perfection, we discover how to love ourselves into wholeness.”
- Tara Brach

“There is something Wonderfully Bold And Liberating
About Saying Yes To Our Entire Imperfect And Messy Life.”
- Tara Brach

The 9 Foundational Attitudes of Mindfulness also helps us to understand the significance of Full/Radical Acceptance.

First, from my own words and my own horrible things I just had to finally fully Accept: first you must grieve whatever kind of loss it is and then you must let it go (letting go/letting be - the doorway to freedom will be another post of mine here in this group) — but first, I had to grieve that surprise! I will be managing my Chronic major depressive disorder for the rest of my life, biggest surprise for my husband and I firstly was that I did not win the lottery with the type of depression that occurs once, we had no idea there was such a thing as Chronic, Recurring Major Depressive Disorder! And I had to grieve that this took my career away since my onset of this beast of an illness was at 34 years old. We had to grieve that we would struggle on 1 income because I could not work any job well enough anymore which we finally had to accept by the time I was in my early 40’s. I had to grieve that I was too sick and disabled and with our 1 income that I wouldn’t become a Mom (except to kitties). I had to grieve that this left me isolated from making new friends and I had to grieve the “friends” that deserted me when I was too sick and not myself. I had to grieve that I had never had healthy parenting from either of my parents and that I had to save myself and cut off the extremely toxic relationships with both of my parents with their narcissism and their emotional abuse to me. I had to grieve the devastating trauma that onset this horrendous illness that made me very suicidal back then and more times-even one time of that is too many times- I am sure many of us know what I mean. I also had to grieve more than once when my MDD took away my sense of self- I had to keep relearning who I am, what I like & dislike, remembering with surprise that I am actually funny and full of life and joy and positivity inherently. But, Thankfully I finally learned from my Mindfulness teachers and other experts that were better than my therapists ever were, that without learning (Radical )Acceptance and all of the integrated 9 attitudes of Mindfulness and so much more (I read psychology in my free time to learn to conquer my illness every single day) and this was my only way to attain the most beautiful inner peace, and to manifest my best life after all plus transforming into my best, most authentic self.

Acceptance- The attitude of actively recognizing that things are the way they are, even if they aren’t the way we want them to be.

Accepting Reality- mindfulness and awareness help you to *Come To Terms* with and accept things in life that are less than wonderful.

Acknowledging the present reality as it is (you don’t have to like it, it’s just how your body is feeling right now - it will not be completely just like this always/not for the rest of your life); Acceptance does not mean approval or compliance in every situation. As a mindfulness principle, acceptance means seeing the present moment as it truly is, taking it in, and living with that knowledge. You can accept a fact and decide to change it, if that seems like the appropriate choice to you. ***This principle is not about keeping things the same***, but ***it is about letting go of denial or ignorance and accepting or acknowledging what is happening in the moment.***

Accepting what is, even if that is challenging. When you know what you are dealing with, you can discover what can be mindfully changed and what has to remain as it is.

With MBCT (Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy) you can prepare yourself and find ways to cope with the bad in a way that allows you to move on and even to eventually see some of the bad as a surprisingly good thing.

There is also Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT; Hayes et al. 1999)

The Six Core Processes of ACT”).
To put it in less clinical terms and make it a bit easier to understand, Dr. Russell Harris (2011) has defined ACT as “a mindfulness-based behavioral therapy that challenges the ground rules of most Western psychology” with the goal of helping patients create a rich and meaningful life and develop mindfulness skills, even with the existence of pain and suffering.

Six core processes of ACT to develop psychological flexibility are:
Acceptance,
Cognitive Defusion,
Being Present,
Self as context,
Values,
Committed Action

Acceptance is an alternative to the instinct to avoid negative, or potentially negative, experiences. It is the active choice to be aware of and allow these types of experiences without trying to avoid or change them.

Cognitive Defusion refers to the defusion techniques that are intended to change how an individual reacts to or interacts with their thoughts and feelings rather than the nature of these thoughts and feelings. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is not intended to limit our exposure to negative experiences, but to face them and come out the other side with a decreased fixation on these experiences.

Being Present is another familiar concept for practitioners of mindfulness-based therapy. It can be understood as the practice of being aware of the present moment while declining to attach judgment to the experience. In other words, being present involves actively experiencing what is happening without trying to predict, change, or make value judgments about the experience.

Self as Context is a simple idea that an individual is not his or her experiences, thoughts, or emotions. Instead of being one’s experiences, the “self as context” process rests on the idea that there is a self outside of the current experience.
In other words, we are not what happens to us. We are the ones experiencing what happens to us.

Values in this context are defined as the qualities that we choose to work towards in any given moment.
We all hold values, consciously or unconsciously, that direct our steps.
In ACT, we apply processes and techniques that help us live our lives according to the values that we hold dear.

#MentalHealth #Mindfulness #MajorDepressiveDisorder #ChronicIllness #Disability #ChronicFatigue #ChronicPain #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDepression #MoodDisorders #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #ADHD #Grief #Loneliness #Fibromyalgia #Headache #Migraine #BipolarDisorder #RareDisease #Cancers #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Selfcare #Selfharm #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Trauma #CheckInWithMe #IfYouFeelHopeless #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Caregiving #SocialAnxiety #Agoraphobia #MightyTogether

Since this is a Practice, and in a practice, we must build upon our knowledge—here, I am going to expand upon my 1st post about the Beginner’s Mind, the first post of this new group - click to join and not miss the interconnected 9 attitudes of the wellbeing mindset of Mindfulness.

There is an emphasis on the importance of cultivating this mindset in all aspects of life.

Has anyone practiced this Beginner’s Mind or think that you will give it a try?
Any thoughts about this particular part of the whole?

Let’s break it down again:

Holding onto a particular belief limits the mind.
We accumulate a lot of conditioning along the way.
We tend to create a world where our opinions and beliefs are fixed.
As soon as we are attached to that one side, we shut off the other side-we don’t see it or hear it.

Only when we are willing to show up in each moment with a fresh, curious mind, willing to listen, knowing that possibly everything we believed and thought -that perhaps that’s not true. And, if we can maintain that freshness of mind, called a beginner’s mind—

then we can create a space where the mind can absorb, can respect the way other people think— take in new perspectives, and all of a sudden, we start to see not only a transformation in our mind, but a greater sense of calm, of clarity, and also a positive change in our relationships.

By letting go of preconceived ideas, expectations, and attachments, we can fully engage with each moment, experiencing life as it truly is, rather than through the filter of our thoughts and beliefs.

Key concepts:

Openness to possibilities:
The mind of the beginner is empty, free of the habits of the expert, ready to accept, to doubt, and open to all the possibilities.

No attachment to outcomes:
By approaching situations with a beginner's mind, one is less likely to be fixated on achieving a specific result, allowing for greater flexibility and adaptability.

And, the extremely critical skill of learning How to focus on the present moment:
This mindset encourages a deep awareness of the current experience, without getting caught up in past regrets or future anxieties; which we all know the negative consequences this has on our mental health.

We have to help ourselves to not be stuck dwelling on either the "what could have been" or the "what might happen", so that we can instead stay living in and fully enjoying the actual present moment. This is all a part of our role in managing our depression and anxiety and not letting these win and take from us and our potential and our lives that we can have.

It’s important to remember that all of this is not an achievement to be attained but rather a continuous process of self-discovery and self-transformation.

#MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #Mindfulness #MajorDepressiveDisorder #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #MoodDisorders #Depression #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Cancers #ChronicFatigue #AnorexiaNervosa #Selfcare #Addiction #Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #Selfharm #Grief #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide #Trauma #Agoraphobia #ADHD #SocialAnxiety #SocialAnxietyDisorder #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Headache #Migraine #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Disability #IfYouFeelHopeless #EatingDisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #MightyTogether #Caregiving #CheckInWithMe #DistractMe

Over a period of maybe 5 months I’ve lost everything. My health, my job and the love and support of my two adult children. I’ve left instructions on my notes on my iPhone on what to do with my person and affects after I’m gone. I want to stop crying over it and I can only see one way out. I’m tidying up loose ends and cleaning so that I’m not an even bigger pain than I was when I was alive. I’ve become a burden to my children and the guilt is eating me alive. My brother committed suicide after 19 years of hell. I understand now.
Please someone tell me you know how I feel. #Depression #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #Fibromyalgia #SuicidalIdeation