Hypomania

I'm feeling a little down today. Nothing like usual, just a little off. Sometimes this happens before the shit hits the fan, so I'm anxiously anticipating that. I feel like I live in a pinball machine, bouncing off the walls and bumpers and glass, however, today I'm just slipping along the sides and avoiding all of the obstacles. It's not a very good analogy, but it makes the most sense to me. I am asking myself if this is 'regular' or 'level' ... I can't remember the last time I felt this way.

I started a new medication (both new to me, my p-doc, and to the market) about six weeks ago.The new med belongs to a group of drugs called an atypical antipsychotic that also has an antidepressant effect. For the first time in over 40 years, I haven't had suicidal ideation every single day! It took me a couple days to realize I hadn't thought about it and it really threw me off. You have to realize that that line of thinking has been my life. Every. Single. Day. It has always been my go-to; the only thing that I felt I had control over. My p-doc is astounded at how I've turned around. He decided to wean me off of the antidepressant I was currently on. I've noticed that I'm a little more snappy; my patience level has changed, though, for the better. I think I'm being shown that I can deal with my illness, and that it's time for me to put in a little mindfulness and being more conscious of my mood, and the ways I choose to deal with those feelings.

To put it in nutshell, I'm terrified that this is only going to be a quick fix, that it won't work, or that it will work but there's a HUGE crash coming. I'm just really afraid. I'm trying hard to stick to today and not give thought to tomorrow, but I can't just flip the switch that's been on for so long.

I really hope we're onto something here. It has been nice not to spend so much time thinking about and planning my demise.

Thank you for always listening. It's nice to have this community's support, understanding and sometimes a well-placed foot to the butt.

#Abuse #Addiction #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #ChildhoodAbuse #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD #Depression #EmotionalAbuse #Hypomania #MentalHealth #MightyPets #neglect #OurSideOfSuicide #PTSD #Relationships #SubstanceUseDisorders #Suicide #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideIdeation #SuicideSurvivors #SuicidalThoughts #Suicidethoughts #Survivor #Trauma @dannygautamawellness

It be like that sometimes 🤷🏻‍♀️
#Hypomania #BipolarII

“Take a break,” they said. “It’s good for you,” they said. When you live with a health condition, it’s not always that easy! After a bit of a hiatus (we’re happy to be back!), this episode features a conversation between Ashley (hey that's me!), @camararollin, @xokat, and @skyeg as they get real and share tips about the guilt, necessity, and freedom that comes with taking an intentional time out.

Grab your headphones, your favorite beverage, and subscribe to Table Talk With The Mighty to hear more topics like this every Wednesday!

Link in the comments below to listen in!#Anxiety #ChronicFatigue #Hypomania #MentalHealth #ADHD #ChronicIllness (P.S. You'll feel seen if you live with one of these conditions ^^)

So sad that Sinead O'Connor died due to mental health issues. Some will call it 'committing' suicide, that she completed a selfish act, and who knows what else. Sinead died by suicide, her last moment in a tragic life filled with trauma, pain, devastation, grief, and instability. Let us not focus on her means of death, rather the mental health demons that ate away at her and caused her demise. Many of us deal with the same issues she did, and many are a tiny step away from her death. Listen when someone says they're not feeling right, give a call or text when a friend has been off the radar for a while. We can all help people who are suffering. Any words or actions you choose can help someone get past that moment of just not wanting to be here. Be patient, compassionate and caring. Be kind. ❤

#Abuse #Addiction #Anxiety #Bipolar2 #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #ChildhoodAbuse #CPTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Depression #EmotionalAbuse #Hypomania #MentalHealth #MightyPets #neglect #OurSideOfSuicide #PTSD #Relationships #SubstanceRelatedDisorders #SubstanceUseDisorders #Suicide #SuicidalIdeation #SuicideSurvivors #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #SuicideSurvivors #Suicidethoughts #Survivor #Trauma

I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar 1 depression. I’m currently going through a hypomania episode. Thankfully it’s not a full blown manic episode this time. But I know after this the depression will start to creep back in. The days of being happy and getting things done, having fun times with my son, seeing everything brighter and more alive, it’s just all going to slowly disappear. And then the darkness starts to take over the sun. Instead of barely sleeping, it’s not wanting to get out of bed. Instead of “let’s go play with your monster trucks at the park” it’s “I’m going to take a nap first” or “I don’t feel good, maybe another day.” Feeling hopeless and the not wanting to wake up again. Feeling like a failure and that I’m lazy. I’m not ready for it to come.

Boy has this week been a humdinger! Fits of rage, the highs of mania, and the pit of depression and back again. Actually, this is my norm but it just felt more intense than usual.

I had an appointment with my psychologist yesterday. I told her that at the beginning of my mental health journey, the highs and lows would seem to come out of nowhere and I was pissed off. It took me several years to come to terms with the fact that the rollercoaster is always going. There is no off-season. It never shuts down.

She and I talked about how to sort of go with the flow. Know that it is going to happen and be okay with it. I told her that I ride the high as long as I can and take advantage of it.

She suggested that I have some ideas of what to do to when I fall into the pit of despair.

The one thing I know to be true that no matter what, Jesus is with me. Whether I am high as a kite or as low as I can go, He is there walking beside me.

The funny thing is that the ultra-rapid cycling is almost a blessing. I know that sounds crazy, but hear me out. I have more highs than I do lows. One of my dearest friends has severe major depression. She is in bed more than she is out of bed. When she has a good day, she hangs onto it with dear life because she knows it is fleeting.

I say my ultra-rapid cycling is a blessing because I could be on the flip side where the depression is more frequent and lasts longer than the hypomania or mania.

What about you? Do you experience more mania than depression or is it the other way around? What do you do to cope with cycling?

#bipolarcycling #Bipolar #Depression #Mania #Hypomania #mentalhealthawarenss #Jesus #god