Hypomania

Can anyone tell me if Hypothyroidism can manifest itself with personality changes and weight gain after childbirth? I.e., Hypomania? Thank you.

Yesterday I wake up early, felt good, two hours later anxiety and depression crippled in.

The history of my life is that I can never feel good about something for a consistent amount of time. I feel like anxiety will just hop in. I think in theory I developed anxiety to protect myself from bad stuff happening, but it has really take my life from me.

On the other hand I am questioning myself if I am chasing hypomania. I took meds regarding bipolar 2 for 4 years. I wasn't the best client cause I went back for 2 times, then it was pandemics, I wasnt comfortable doing video. But I kept the medication.

With the meds I didn't feel suicidal, I had sometimes thoughts like "my end will be suicide, it is just a fact" and I even thought of methods, but this was all rational, no that crying end of the line depression.

I also am an optimistic. So I had periods I have ideas, and think things will workout, but they are very short lived. I don't think you can say they are proper hypomania because I will be very excited for the next day during the evening, but the next day comes and all sort of bad thoughts come around.

Inside the anxiety there is OCD. I have mental lists, they are not the typical OCD ones (checking doors, washing hands) but are in someway related to organize stuff and thoughts. I waste a lot of times trying to make my life coincide with my mental lists. I know it is insane, but I makes me feel safe, but it also makes me not live life.

I'm at the start of my second week back to lithium. Feeling good, feeling bad, a bit like I was before. I go back to the doctor in one month.

You see, I right now don't want to kill myself, but my rational mind tells me that if life will be like that going further, and it will get worse if it goes like that, I will have to kill myself because I can't live like that.

I needs that motivation when I have it, to stay with me. I'm not talking of thinking I am superman, but I want to feel I can do stuff, and I feel it, but it last so little.

It feels like my navigation system is broke. If I can trust when I feel good about something, because it might be a lie if in a few hours I feel anxiety and see all the problems with the idea. It is not about thinking it over, I think too much, if thinking would help me I would be the happiest man alive. In fact sometimes I wish I didn't think.

#Bipolar2 #Hypomania #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Anxiety

When you go from Hypomania to depression and you can't work that good and that hard because you just can't. In my hyponainia I used to work very very hard and now my coworkers wonder why I am so reduced. Should I tell them what's going on?

The holiday has been much on my mind of late. My reactions to the holiday aren’t necessarily what you will experience, but as a bipolar person, I wanted to share what depression and hypomania do to me during the holiday season.

Hypomania

I’ve tried the traditional giving of gifts on Christmas Day, but this year our gifts are all either pre- or post-holiday. Last year, I was hypomanic and overspent. I was disappointed, though, when my selections for my husband didn’t garner the response I thought they would. He still hasn’t used the camera I got him last year on the grounds that he didn’t have the time to figure it how to use it. (I’m going to suggest that one of his gifts to me will be to learn its workings.)

This year, I’m slightly less hypomanic. We got a present for both of us, a little early. We got matching heart, lock, and key tattoos. Since the tattoo shop is closed on Christmas and the tattoo artist is much in demand, we booked the appointment early and have already had these done. I’ve bought Dan another item or two on sale—oven mitts and a bathrobe—that I’m telling myself aren’t really presents, just things he needs, so he doesn’t have to get more presents for me. I honestly don’t mind if he doesn’t get me anything else. He gives me little gifts all year long—just things he finds at the store he works at that he thinks I’ll like.

This year I’m working at home, and I plan to work on Christmas Day, at least for a few hours. Realistically, I could take the day off and not risk missing my deadline, but the routine of working helps keep me centered. I have been exploring what local restaurants are open on Christmas Day so we don’t have to cook. For New Year’s Eve and Day, we actually have a tradition—champagne and appetizers on the Eve and Chinese Buffet on the Day. We often ask friends to join us for that.

Depression

I don’t think I’ll be too depressed to go out New Year’s Day, but then again, who knows? Dan has invited friends from work, so there will be people there I don’t know, as well as two that I do. I don’t really feel up to small talk these days, so Dan can handle that with his work friends.

I’ve given up trying to get into the “Christmas spirit” by dressing for the occasion. It never works for me. I’ve had Christmas earrings. One year I had a Grinch t-shirt. I once worked at a place where everyone wore holiday sweaters and sweatshirts. I didn’t have any and felt left out, but I didn’t want to pay the prices for the sweaters. After the holiday, I bought a couple on sale for the next year’s festivities, but I lost the job before I had an opportunity to use them. Oh, well.

My Lack of Advice

I know there are a lot of articles this time of year giving advice on how to deal with the holidays while in a shaky mental state. I’m not going to do that, because you already know all the standard advice—self-care—and I have nothing really insightful to add to it.

Except that it’s okay to have your own traditions or to ignore the holidays altogether if they’re just too much for you. If you’re alone, you could be subject to depression or just feeling numb, but that’s a natural reaction if you’re like me. Scale down your celebrations to suit yourself. If you’re experiencing anxiety, you can skip big celebrations and have your own small—or private—one. If you’re hypomanic, you may be up to some festivities, but you don’t have to be the life of the party at every one. And keep track of your spending. Most people prefer to get only one or two thoughtful presents rather than a flood of random ones.

I don’t wish you Happy Holidays, just survivable ones.

I have bipolar disorder II. Although, I don’t reach full blown mania, I experience hypomania, which is pretty intense. I shift from major depression to feeling 10 feet tall and bullet proof. I get agitated, extremely agitated and restless. I have mood swings from very high (feeling alive and invincible) to low (enough to experience suicidal ideation). I have comorbid diagnoses, but I will just talk about this now. I believe mental illness is a challenge to be met with courage, that actualizes our potential. It teaches resilience. I don’t see myself or others as weak, due to mental illness. I see them as strong. Bipolar disorder is my superpower! What’s yours?

I wanted to share what is happening with me right now after coming off some antipsychotics that were harming me. Quetiapine messes with your pancreas, blood sugar can drop alarmingly after 2 hours and your appetite becomes ferocious. As a recovering anorexic, the weight gain became torturous and the sedative effects were affecting my ability to be a present mother to my 8 and 16 (who have autism) year old.

I wasn't diagnosed with Bipolar Depression until I was in my early 40's so I've experienced a life of lurching from personal car crashes to apocalyptic experiences with both my professional and personal life. I am a recovering addict, anorexic, co-dependent, and BPD.

Even with Lamictal, which allows my creativity to manifest, I still have these episodes where I leap into shit without thinking about it. Or thinking about it entirely in the present with no thought to the future. Or, more importantly, the implications it has on my family. My husband and I have struggled greatly through our marriage, he had a lot of anger issues due to GAD which he is also medicated for. We are still in love, and he has been very forgiving. We have two beautiful kids and a roof over our heads but still, I keep fucking it up.

My husband has worked abroad for over 3 years and we see him about twice a year. He's working to fix a problem that I created. I'm very tired and very lonely. A single mum with no support (both my parents are dead).

My theme song would be, 'It's Been Awhile' by STAINED.

So my latest is, that I play a lot of Battleground Royale games, gaming really helps me relax and push through agitated moods. I'm sure other BiPo warriors can relate.

I started playing with the guy, a really sweet American, and we hit it off. I mean sometimes you just do and I rarely talk on games because being a woman, you can get targeted and it gets tedious.

This guy, he's special. He speaks to my soul, he is everything I thought I would marry. Someone I could help and support and make happy. Now, I could have handled that and just let it give my heart a squeeze and feel good that I met a friend who I could have fun with online. But OH NO. That's not how it works.

Coming off the Quetiapine has launched me into reckless, hypomania and I haven't eaten for 5 days. We began to develop an emotional intimacy & before I knew it we'd swapped emails. And, if I hadn't been such an idiot we wouldn't. Worse I made up a huge persona, 20 years younger, not insane, clean, innocent because clearly, this is what I wanted all my life. I feel I was cheated out of so many informed decisions because of this fucking illness. And that makes me so sad, I can hardly bear it today.

I felt so guilty I had to come clean to a point. I told him I was older and had children. Couldn't bring myself to talk about my marriage. And I broke him. He was devastated - I mean this guy told me everything about himself, prison when young (all checked out) - his 4 kids he never saw (legit) and what did I do? Fucking catfished him (I didn't even know what catfished meant before my friend told me).

I know I should just stop this. But his purity, we are both Catholics, and his innate goodness is addictive and I want to make him happy.

I know I'm mourning what could have happened and perhaps, what should have. I know I'm incredibly lucky to have this wonderful family and children who I would take bullets for and love more than life. So how the fuck did I get here. After 15 years after my last implosion, I spent all our savings and have spent the rest of the time atoning for it.

So now, I'm stuck. It can't go anywhere and I need to release him which I tried to do but he was resistant. I'm praying a lot. I know I'm sinning. I'm asking for forgiveness on a minute-by-minute basis.

I'm crying in stupid places. My heart feels heavy and ill.

Fuck this hurts.

Thanks for reading. #

I came here to be with others living with Bipolar, and Complex PTSD.
I’m exhausted and hypomania at the same time. It can feel lonely when you don’t have anyone who knows how it truely feels. I have patient and supportive people in my life, but no one who gets it, the frustration that comes with living with these mental health conditions and how limiting they can be at times. I just want to hear, ‘yep I get it’ and not feel so alone in it.

You need to calm down. I mean, does anyone really want to be told this? Probably not, but it’s even worse when you can’t control how excited, loud or energetic you are. When someone is manic or hypomanic, this is definitely not something to say to them. Mania and hypomania can cause the person to speak more loudly, speak over people, have tons of energy while getting very little sleep, make them hyper focused on a topic or project, or cause really severe irritability. None of these things are controllable, and odds are, if they could “calm down” they would, they don’t need to be told.

Just snap out of it. This could be something said to someone during a manic episode, but I think it’s more likely to happen during a depressive episode. Depression is very poorly understood by a lot of people. They tend to think if you try hard enough to be happy, or do x, y, or z you can go back to being your normal self. That’s just not the way it works. Depression isn’t a choice, and it’s not something that just affects someone’s mood. It can cause physical weakness, problems maintaining proper hygiene, hypersomnia (sleep too much), grogginess, poor judgment, and a whole list of other symptoms. It’s not as simple as just, “snapping out of it.” Just don’t say it to anyone suffering from depression; it only adds to the guilt and hurt they are feeling.

I’ve never seen you depressed or manic, so I don’t think you’re bipolar. Leave the diagnosing up to the medical professionals. Just because someone thinks they haven’t seen someone with bipolar either manic or depressed, doesn’t mean they haven’t. People with any mental illness can get very good at masking their symptoms. Seeming perfectly okay to others while absolutely falling apart on the inside. Statements like this also feed into imposter syndrome which a lot of people with bipolar disorder suffer from. Imposter syndrome can take on different forms, but in bipolar disorder it usually means that someone feels as though they aren’t actually sick, or don’t actually have bipolar disorder. This is the main reason a lot of people with bipolar disorder will stop taking their medications at some point in their life. When they’re well or manic, it’s easy to think everything is good, that they were just faking their illness, and they’re not actually bipolar at all. Statements like this make it even harder to push those thoughts to the back of their minds.

Try harder. This kind of goes hand in hand with, “just snap out of it,” but it is different. This directly implies that depression or mania are within the person’s control; that’s just not true. Yes, there are things people with bipolar can do to reduce their symptoms, but nothing is going to cause someone to come out of a depressive or manic state aside from medications or time. Others may argue with me on that, but that’s been my experience.

Your life isn’t bad, you shouldn’t be depressed. This statement says to the sufferer that their depression is based off of life events; that’s not the case. Depression is cause by a chemical imbalance in the brain. There can be a catalyst that starts a depressive episode, but someone could have the best life ever and still become depressed. Depression is out of everyone’s control. No one can just smile more, or think happy thoughts and cure depression.