I have anxiety and adhd and have kind of always felt like life is a struggle. Throw in the series of unfortunate events throughout my life and I am pretty much chronically stressed. Of course good things also happen but generally I am in a state of anxiety and worry. My mind is usually focused on feeling that I'm not doing enough or I'm going to fail at something or I'm not being a good friend, roommate, daughter, sister, partner, employee, etc. So when I make an effort to sound excited when I talk to people, it feels completely unnatural. Almost like I'm incapable of grasping the happiness I could be feeling. Or sometimes like I feel uncomfortable showing too much emotion. Maybe because it'll be like - yes I finally got a job but now I'm scared to death of failing. Yes, I can afford an apt in the city now but what if I lose my job and is this really a good idea?? I'm not going to be able to save as much money and it won't leave much room for fun or to help my family. My usual response to how I'm doing is usually negative unless I make an intentional effort to say something good. It does eventually seem to push people away or at least frustrate those I'm lucky that they accept me and stick around. My therapist literally once asked me, can you think of something good in your life? Which really irritated me because she made me feel guilty about my feelings and in that case she missed the point of what I was saying. I told her of course I can. All these good things are happening, but I still feel like this. Fyi I take a mood stabilizer and adhd medication. I sometimes wonder if it's the medicine but I think I was like this even before it.
#Anxiety #ADHD #negativity #NegativeThoughts #oversharing #relationshipsandanxiety