negative thoughts

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    Sunday Thoughts

    ... Sundays seem to be the day my mind wanders & overflows itself with "I should do this.." "what ifs" "I need to do this.." & other random things.

    My Sunday job gives me the opportunity to let my mind go it's own way yet I can't act on those "ideas" & what not til I get home, obviously. Annoying thing tho, when I get home, my mind shuts completely off & nothing gets accomplished.

    I journal at night & some times, I "yell" at myself for allowing sabotage vibes take control. I "yell" at myself for not following thru with the plans I originally made.

    Every Jan. 1st, I come up with a word for the year & this year I've chosen "Accountability." Start holding myself accountable for my own actions. My own self sabotage. My own doings. I want all this in my life & yet I don't follow thru for the most part. Accountability is something I've needed to focus on for some time now! This yr, it's time.

    I've made a list of 300 things I'd love to accomplish this year. Have I read it to myself in the morning since Jan. 1st? No, I have not! See why I chose that word? Lol. Have I done any of my daily intentions or daily chores I've set out to accomplish for that day, no I have not.

    My inner world is so broken. Trying to heal & fix cycles that have been on repeat for so long, that ish is hard to demolish. It's like taking a tiny hammer to some very strong cemet bricks & no progress is made. I need my sledgehammer.

    My Sunday Thoughts have been a thing for some time now. Trying to carry them into the week is not easy for me. All I do is beat myself up. Therapy has helped some on how to flip the switch of negative talk to positive, but I find myself quickly sinking to the bottom of the negative.

    Speaking of therapy, when new wounds are open, those trigger next day emotions that some days lead to a few days in a row. Journaling those specific emotions is a release to an extent. Insomnia comes out of the woods & is like, let's play. Again, my mind wanders to whatever is thrown its way... nvr ending cycle.

    You know that story, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie..... the lil guy remembers so much with every task he's given & leads to more tasks... that's how I feel most days & nights. Mind is non stop!

    ..... just like this post. I can just keep going with whatever is on my mind, but I'm not going to. Ugh. My life. My life of a wandering mind. My life of trying to calm thy mind..

    #Anxiety #Depression #Insomnia #IntrusiveThoughts #Migraines #Therapy #Healing #CheckInWithMe #Chatspace #GAD #PTSD #Undiagnoused #NegativeThoughts

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    Can’t sleep and crying #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorde #NegativeThoughts

    I can’t sleep my mind is racing with deep negativity. Last night I hugged my mom and it felt great. I’m usually not a hugger. I really wish I could wake her up and hugged her. She means so much to me. She is my best friend. She is my biggest supporter. I don’t know what I will do without her. I journaled 3 pages so far and posted online for a depression group I’m an admin in. The cat is trying to comfort me. I’m very proud of myself though. Yesterday at the mall I didn’t by anything besides my Starbucks. I could have very easily maxed out my credit card at Nordstrom. But I didn’t

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    Life is to short to,spend it negatively.

    You of course need to think and feel the #NegativeThoughts .But don't stay to long in the stink whole. #TheMighty #MightyTogether #Depression #Anxiety #LearningDisability #Faith

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    I'M still feeling very out off about my worker not showing up on Sunday, I never got any call or message about yesterday today. I'm worried if anyone will come this week on Friday and Sunday. I guess all the #NegativeThoughts come to mind. I waited one full hour, and nobody came. Again no Email or phone # ca;ll stating nobody coming today or they are running late. My day with them is like from 12 to 3. So did i wait long enough? Should i have waited longer? I have no problems with another other worker i have. Just this one isn'rt dependable. She was late before and day was shorten. Came early once. She is nice and all but i don't think i want her for my worker anymore. I think i enjoy my time with my other ones better. Is that #Wrong to say or feel? I just want one that wants to do things withs. Staying all day at the group home doing crafts isn't fun. Unless it was a rainy or snowy day. Just how i feel. I still feel like because she is the bossy's daughter she can get away with this and slack off. This is a services for people. Ok just needed to vent. I'M gonna share this with my mental health worker and see what she says. #TheMighty #MightyTogether #Depression #Anxiety #Annoyed

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    Loving our whole self is a journey.

    This isn’t easy and it takes failing and trying and practice. I’m working through this myself and thought I would share. #NegativeThoughts #BDD #ADHD #MentalHealth #PTSD

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    I’m so tired of this shit that’s called life #Borderline #ChronicDepression #NegativeThoughts #restless #toxicfamily

    I am so tired of worrying about my family. My mom doesn't accept me because of the changes from borderline and depression, and my dad just stands behind his girlfriend and blames me for not checking in, even though he never writes either. I mean - does he think this will help me? I had a suicide attempt last New Year's Eve and honestly he could have been thinking. Why should I blame myself when it's not even my fault?
    And somehow my life is going down the drain again, I'm in debt, I'm currently having a depressive episode and I've started a new job which is very stressful. Will everything get better at some point? Yesterday I signed up for a program, called quit the shit. A program that helps people to quit smoking weed. I hope it will get better soon and I can be happy again. Maybe sometime in a few months I'll go to a clinic to do DBT. That is supposed to help borderliners.
    I don’t know, my thoughts keep running and running and running in circles and I can’t do anything to stop it. It’s exhausting.

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    Mindful Monday

    It's important to be mindful of your thoughts for they lead to your feelings and behaviors.

    How can you be more mindful of your thoughts? #Mindfulness #Thoughts #IntrusiveThoughts #NegativeThoughts #bemindful

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    ANGER, Sadness, and Fear #Agoraphobia #EmotionalAbuse #Trauma #minorautismawarness #anger #NegativeThoughts

    Lately feeling three different negative feelings at the same time has been kinda normal. I feel like screaming and ripping my pillows apart, crying and running up to someone for comfort, and being alone all at the same time.

    I'm angry because no one seems to understand how tough the situation is. My family keeps telling me to "just go to school." They tell me to sleep earlier or to take my meds sooner as if I'm not even trying. I've literally heard everything you could possibly tell someone in my situation. However the issues isn't that I'm lazy or that I want attention. THE ISSUE IS THAT I'M SCARED AND ALONE. I HAVE UNRESOLVED TRUAMA AND NO ONE SEEMS TO GIVE A FUCKING DAMN. AND IM ANGRY BECAUSE PEOPLE KEEP PRETENDING TO GIVE A SHIT. They keep pretending they know what's going on. They keep asking "what's the matter" but when I tell them they cut me off and talk over me and dust off what I have to say like it's fucking nothing! And that keeps happening! Over and over people will ask and interrupt, ask and brush it off and then they just expect me to get better because they gave me advice I already did fucking three years ago! I get people have to look out for themself, I understand that. That's why if you're not a professional I'm paying to help me, or a stranger I know I won't talk to or see again, I'm not going to tell you shit. It's hard trying to be polite to people that do care but just don't get it. When they give me the same advice, I just want to tell them off. Every time someone gives me advice I've already heard I just die a little inside cause I'm trying not to be rude. I sound entitled but I don't even care anymore. I can't say this in person so why can't I scream it out in the open. I'll deal with the repercussions later.

    I already know the issues with this way of thinking but I can't just stop thinking this way because I know it's bad. I can ignore it at best but it's going to explode eventually so I might as well deal with it now.

    I'm angry at "him" for treating me like a bitch and for continuing on like nothing horrible or messed up just happened. I'm angry at my family for being too stubborn to fucking talk to each other about serious issues in the family. I'm angry at myself for not doing more and just letting myself get to this point. I'm angry at everyone that's ever used me. I'm angry at abusers with guilt who choose to move on without apologizing to the victim. I'm angry at people who think tough love is okay and just let their loved ones die inside from stress and pressure. I'm angry at people who rant to their kids about their divorce and trash talk their family because they want to brainwash them into hating their family and get them to live with them instead. I'm angry at idiots that blame and hurt kids that were abandoned by their parents because now they have to take care of them when they should be in retirement. I'm angry that people don't just work on themselves instead of accusing each other for wrong doings.

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    Good afternoon, #TheMighty #MightyTogether

    Sometimes i think/believe it would be better if people would/could just get over it. #Depression Find some peace and happiness. Find some middle ground. The negative and depressing state most people are in. Just seems like a waste of time/life. Spenting your whole days being depressed & #sad all the time. Not finding some #Joy in life.. Just giving up. Not trying to find a blance or try at least to change what makes you depressed and stuck. In other words life isn't gonna unsuck and change unless you do something about it. Some things in life can't be changed, might has well get used to that and accpect for what it's worth. Why waste time being sad over it. LEarn to live with it, and deal with it the best you can. #Depression Maybe some people would rather just stay in the #NegativeThoughts . Some just don't want to try to get better and learn to handle #MentalHealth .Some may like the attention they get.

    Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left behind by those who hustle -

    Good things come to those who wait

    You don't wanna sit around and wait to long. Watching life pass you buy.