I am very thankful to know that I have something that actually has a name (borderline personality disorder ) and I am even more thanful that I can learn how to cope and teach my kids the same. My biggest fear is to be emotionally unavailable to them (and I have in the past before I started all this soul searching). I realized I got tired of the way i was feeling and didn’t understand why little things became so big and it was so hard to snap out of it. My kids give me strength to learn and keep on learning. I just want them to know that I will always try for them. I will never stop trying to look for answers , i will never stop trying to teach them mindfulness , that practice of mindfulness that brings little hoys to our lives. Sorry just venting here. Feel free to elaborate. Being in this community already makes me feel so much better. Thank you all. God bless.