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    Grief does not have a time limit #Grief

    I know to many it seems ridiculous, but the loss of my mom was major for me. Today makes 8 years since she passed on. In my head I replay the day from the moment I received the phone call at 1:45 am. I remember asking the doctor if he was joking. Grief comes in waves and this day every year it crashes.

    My mom, my mentor, and my one friends are the only ones who never make/made me feel worthless and like a screw up. My friend lives in another province and my mentor is going through some pretty serious things with her family.

    I miss my mom so much.

    My depression is reaching an all time low. It hurts. It physically hurts to be this low. On top of that add the grief add the worthlessness I feel because those around me do and say things to make me feel that way.

    My mom was quiet but strong. She was smart, kind, and caring. But she got run into the ground by selfishness and being told her opinion didn’t matter. She was an alcoholic. She wouldn’t have said that but it was her coping mechanism. When she was drunk she was mean. But I understand. I am sad I didn’t let her know enough how much I admired and respected her.

    #beingadaughter #remembering #lost

    29 reactions 12 comments

    #Christmasbear #imadeitthrough2018 #remembering #Depression

    Yesterday, I woke up with a mission in mind, one I should have had before Christmas and that was to find a 2018 Christmas teddy bear. I've loved bears since I was a little girl and they've always been something that sticks with me even though I'm 33. I spent 2 hours yesterday looking online for the bear and all I could find was one on Amazon for almost $30, way too much. My mom, my husband and my best friend asked me why I was so important to have a 2018 bear. So I told them...this year has been a living hell for the most part after having terminated my rights to my son and then attempting suicide in September. For me, what would be an insignificant little bear to many people or kids, has a special meaning to me. It means I made it through one of the hardest years of my life, despite an effort not to. The bear is something to cling to when I need reminding all will be ok, not in my time but in God's. He kept me alive for a reason and I do not know why but I know He had reason too. My parents went to Walmart yesterday and found me the bear I wanted and bought it for me. I'll be honest, I cried. I have a habit of naming my bears and hers is Breanne, meaning "strong" in Celtic. I know to many it sounds stupid that a little bear would mean so much but every time I look at it, I will be reminded that if I can make it through this year, with God, my family and friends, I can make it through anything. I hope y'all don't mind the post. I just felt the urge to share it so maybe it will warm someone's heart as it does my own or show another that you can weather the storm with God on your side. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and since today is New Year's Eve, I wish you all the best. Thank you for giving me a place to Express my emotions ❤