imadeitthrough2018

1 year ago today, I attempted to end my life because I felt like there was no hope for me and that those around me would be better off. I was wrong, so wrong. My marriage had hit an all time low and I was in the worst state of mind anyone can imagine so I tried to end it. Had it not been for my husband's quick thinking and action, I wouldn't be here today to tell my story. I'm still here and I'm happy to be. While I was in the hospital, my history and I worked out our marriage and the last year has been amazing. It's still had its ups and downs but everything does. I still have a long way to go but I'm in a much better place than I was a year ago. And to top it all off, my husband and I are pregnant. We're expecting a little boy in January and we are on Cloud 9. I have so many things to be thankful for and this last year has shown me that. I am truly blessed to have found the light at the end of the tunnel. And I'm here to tell you...If I can find it, anyone can.

Yesterday, I woke up with a mission in mind, one I should have had before Christmas and that was to find a 2018 Christmas teddy bear. I've loved bears since I was a little girl and they've always been something that sticks with me even though I'm 33. I spent 2 hours yesterday looking online for the bear and all I could find was one on Amazon for almost $30, way too much. My mom, my husband and my best friend asked me why I was so important to have a 2018 bear. So I told them...this year has been a living hell for the most part after having terminated my rights to my son and then attempting suicide in September. For me, what would be an insignificant little bear to many people or kids, has a special meaning to me. It means I made it through one of the hardest years of my life, despite an effort not to. The bear is something to cling to when I need reminding all will be ok, not in my time but in God's. He kept me alive for a reason and I do not know why but I know He had reason too. My parents went to Walmart yesterday and found me the bear I wanted and bought it for me. I'll be honest, I cried. I have a habit of naming my bears and hers is Breanne, meaning "strong" in Celtic. I know to many it sounds stupid that a little bear would mean so much but every time I look at it, I will be reminded that if I can make it through this year, with God, my family and friends, I can make it through anything. I hope y'all don't mind the post. I just felt the urge to share it so maybe it will warm someone's heart as it does my own or show another that you can weather the storm with God on your side. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and since today is New Year's Eve, I wish you all the best. Thank you for giving me a place to Express my emotions ❤