Seekingadvice

i've forgotten my lesson again this is the secound time in a few months that it has happened. the first time i stresed thinking that my teacher was going to repromand me i made a tin of cookies and apologysed to her she just brushed it off and said it was ok. but to me it wasnt ok i forgot a comitment i showed myself to be unreliable. but even after that i felt i had apologised and attempted to make amends and that it was ok. but this time i didnt even have a reason other then i forgot. i feel like garbage and ive been thinking how can i make it up to her making her wait around and never showing up and i feel i cant, because how many times can you say sorry and have it still mean im sorry. i now think that she believes im unreliable and that she has lost respect for me in the process or thinks that i dont respect her or her time because of it. after the first time ive been trying harder ive even been showing up early and i even set alarms on my phone half an hour earlier then i need them. i dont know what else i can do and im not sure how i can say that im sorry again every time it gets harder. she doesnt deserve to be treated like that i didnt do it on purpose but its still all my fault. i feel like even asking on here or looking for someone to respond, im just trying to make myself feel better or to get some one to tell me its alright or some other nonsense to pass the buck i dont know. #Seekingadvice #Anxiety #Responsibility

Recently I decided to cut ties with my #Narcissticfather and my #Enablermother . As hard as this decision was, I know in my heart it is what is personally best for me and my children.

It has been a week since I made this decision, and at first i was very empowered and determined. I felt a weight lift as I came to peace with what I've chosen to do. Now I'm having second thoughts. I'm constantly anxious, fidgety. Similar to someone going through rehab, I feel myself craving my drug of choice which would be my parents in this case. I keep feeling deep urges to contact them, to apologize and take blame. I feel like I need to fix everything, even though I know for a fact that is not the healthy option.

It is not only a mental feeling but a physical one. I shake, lose my appetite when I think of my parents because I'm reaped with guilt, and I hardly ever sleep now. Is this a withdrawal process from all the #traumabonding formed over my childhood? I want to know there is a logical reason behind my feelings and that I'm not just going insane.

#Seekingadvice