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#CPTSD #selfsabatoge Hi 👋 I am new here and would like to know if anyone has tips for explaining CPTSD to people you unintentionally hurt

I feel completely overwhelmed and constantly find myself feeling overwhelmed with guilt , shame and usually it's because I don't know how to express my feelings or how to talk about stuff I'm going through. 6 years ago I left a 14 year trauma bonding toxic relationship and met the love of my life who helped me work through and grow from my traumas and learn to not feel ashamed but instead proud and confident in myself and I loved being able to talk to him about anything and not feel judged and he was someone I completely could trust and that wasn't something I ever had in my life... Well 4 years ago I left and ever since I have fallen apart completely and it's almost like I woke up in a unfamiliar car that is falling from a bridge and about to hit water but I am trying to figure out how to get out before it submerges but I don't know how I got in this unfamiliar car in the first place. The place I moved is the place where I had a lot of horrible things happen to me as a kid and I didn't realize how much being here would trigger my trauma and I've completely lost myself and it seems like I live in constant anxiety, self hate, fear, shame, guilt, confused and I am hurting who I love because I can't explain my actions. I don't know why I am doing the things I am and the more I don't understand or know it's like I just isolate and I don't want to lose him or my family but I'm hurting and I don't mean to isolate or "ignore" I just shut down to protect myself from feeling but it just creates more anxiety

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We can find our natural flow when struggling with our mental health #Selfcare #allignment #purpose #MentalHealth #selfsabatoge

How often do you find yourself contemplating making choices. Do I order out or cook something healthy? Do I sit on my comfy couch snacking or get up and get moving? Do I stick it out where I’m stagnant or try something new? Do I try to make small talk with the stranger next to me or pretend they’re not there?

If you sit with contemplation for too long you’ll be met with stagnation. You know, that place where you feel stuck and you can’t quite remember how you got there. Having the freedom to make choices is great, but us humans tend to overcomplicate. We know what choices would benefit us, but we lean towards what feels familiar to us. What feels good. It’s great to live in the moment, but it’s also important to care for yourself in a way that your future you will benefit from. Entering unfamiliar territory can feel daunting. Putting ourselves in situations that scare us can trick our brains into thinking we’re making bad choices. That by acting differently or doing things differently shifts you to a place that feel unauthentic. I can tell you from experience, more often than not it’s not what it seems. Of course, our gut can guide us to finding our natural flow. We can mistake our self doubts, discomfort and grief over a past sense of identity as a “abort mission” signal.

How do we combat self sabatoge? I believe it’s moving towards flow. It’s important time be honest with ourselves and practice self compassion. That’s not always easy, so outside support can make a huge difference. Everyone has their own way of doing things. The way I go about my day is personal to me. My daily actions are a sum of choices I’ve made up throughout my life. These actions appear as a showcase of my ability or inability to honor my flow and truth not. What am I even saying? I find meaning in providing emotional support and resources to my peers. That’s what feels natural to me even if I’m not an expert yet. I’m a peer specialist. When I thought about becoming a cop awhile back I did not recognize the position did not align with me as a person. My personality. My skills. My temperament. Helping people sounded like something I’d enjoy, but it wouldn’t allow me to help people the way I’ve always wanted to. For a moment I had to sit back and acknowledge that perhaps I was pushing myself towards a path due to the power, security and the heroic praise they receive. It felt forced. It felt like I’d have to change my entire personality. My mental health would only remain stable for so long being in such a state of turmoil. Consider the same for you, but it can be in other aspects of your life. In order to align with your flow it’s important to understand yourself: your needs, desires, physical health, mental health etc. like myself, if you lost your sense of identity you will struggle with maintaining consistency in your life. The sooner you get to know yourself the easier it will be to make decisions and ones that contribute to a fulfilling life.