5 Ways You Can Help Your Child’s Anxiety

As a child, I was scared about everything.

Everything? Yes, everything. I was scared of people and being alone; fast cars and slow cars; the dark and the light; horror movies and Disney movies; heights and being too close to something; loud noises and silence; medication and being ill; being picked last for a team and being picked for a team.

You name it: I had every phobia possible for a child and a teen. For years, most of my family have joked that I am a wimp. Most friends laugh when it comes to the local fair and I am the first to volunteer to hold coats, but at the same time, I am anxious to stand on my own watching.

Why?

This is called childhood anxiety. Have I had it since birth? Most likely not. But to those who have children and can see your child is withdrawing or scared of most things, do not laugh. Simply look to see a pattern, talk to them about why they are scared and most of all do not show your child your fears.

Childhood anxiety is a common disorder. What are the symptoms, you may ask? Does my child have anxiety? Well, as a survivor of childhood anxiety (I am still alive and kicking and deathly scared of ladders) I can provide a little insight!

1. Restlessness.

For years, I dealt with insomnia, or I would wake up stupidly early after a few hours of sleep. I would lay in bed wondering why I could not sleep, and getting upset because I could not sleep. During holidays and weekends when I got older, I would sit up watching the streetlights until they switched off at sunrise. This was a huge sign to my mother who was a little worried her child was crying about not being able to sleep.

How was this resolved?

My mum would relax me. She would run a hot bath, a hot drink and send me to bed with a book. No TV (I did not have a phone or a computer when I was a kid) and she used to put soft music on to help me relax.

Did this work: 9/10

2. Poor focus.

My focus has always been poor; I will do a million things at once and won’t stop until I am all muddled up, or I just walk away from the project. The saying “too many tabs open in the brain” comes to play with this.

How was this resolved?

Eh, well. I cannot say it has. However, my focus is a lot better. I would finish homework in a peculiar way. I would also show myself how much I could do within 15 minutes and then give myself a break for 15 minutes. My homework always took a lot longer due to my lack of focus and need to do other things, which of course was my racing thoughts in my mind. However, I do still stand by “Mum, it is important for me to learn the dance routine to the new Backstreet Boys song!” reason to break for five minutes. A teacher at school helped with this little trick, and now I realize she was actually teaching me the under one-minute trick that I see on the internet from time to time.

Did this work: 7/10

3. Constant worrying/tantrums/crying/arguments.

All the time. Every single moment of the day, my mum would get a question, “Is this okay?” or “What happens if…” or if I worried about something and I did not believe her, I would get worried and confused and just…cry. I was never the carefree child; I was a worrying child with extreme shyness.

How did we resolve this?

Mum would use a stern voice if I was throwing a tantrum and leave me until I calmed down. Then she would be adamant everything would be okay and that I was just a “little stress head.” Yes, yes I was, Mum. Thanks! Did it work? Sometimes. Do I still worry? Not as much as I did as a child, but I do still cry a lot.

Did this work: 8/10

4. Separation anxiety/excessive worrying.

I grew out of this one quickly. As a small child I would cling to my mum, grandma, aunt and older cousins. I would cry at the gates, I would cry in class. I was that crying child in little school. I would worry about math homework and classwork, which would then lead to insomnia.

How did I resolve this?

My family helped me transition into little school, turned up to collect me on time and I got into a routine. In addition, it helped that my mum would recreate classroom activities at home, such as art play and music play. With homework and classwork, my mum developed a great relationship with my teachers on subjects I hated and worried about, and worked on my strengths with subjects I excelled in. This then led to additional tutoring, and then joining an out-of-school math group, joining a drama group and writing groups which I
really enjoyed. This bumped me up in my studies and in turn helped with my social awkwardness.

Did this work: 10/10

5. Social withdrawal.

There was a moment at big school where I withdrew from social groups. I would go to school, have lunch in the library, go to lessons, then go home. Somehow, I slowly began to gain confidence during secondary school and I met a bunch of girls, which helped me crack through social awkwardness and I started to be more social. It sometimes takes only one friend to bring your social side out of you.

During little school, I would cling to my childhood best friend (once I got over the trauma of not being at home of course!). When my best friend was away from school or would want to play with other friends, I’d stand by to watch others and not really get involved. Why? I do not know; I was
around 6 years old, but maybe it was due to anxiety over approaching a group of peers. I needed more than one friend to socialize with and Mum saw this right away. I would always talk about “Matthew,” but never any other friends.

How was this resolved? My mum invited a school “friend” for teatime most Friday evenings or I would go for teatime at another friend’s house. I use the word “friend” loosely for a lot of these experimental “get-togethers.” These were kids lived nearby and Mum knew their parents, so it was easy to try to bunch kids together to become friends.

Somehow, I slowly began to gain confidence and I met some friends for little school, who are still my friends to this day. I have some great memories about going to others’ houses for dinner; I learned about their home life, cultures and grew to be more social. (Now that we are adults,
my friends still cannot get me out of their houses at teatime. So, be aware this may have long lasting results!)