suicidalthoughtsandtendancies

hey guys. I am in of some help. my husband pretty much just ended our marriage. things have been rocky and we both agreed to starting counseling but tonight he started that one of the conditions of us working out was I had to sleep in the same bed (I had suggested that we sleep in different rooms as we work things out- not an unreasonable request I feel) Well as the conversation continues it was brought up again but this time it was you can either sleep in the same bed as me or you can pack your bags and leave.... who does this? note:I have no one or nowhere else to go. I tell him if that's really how you feel then I'll go. So I get up. he gets up and completely leaves. he comes back asks me why I'm still there and if I'm going to sleep in the same bed as him. I tell him well you have really given me no other choice. more words are said. and then he tells me to leave that he doesn't want me at the house and that I'm going over to stay at his sister's. I told him no and he tells me to get out and that I'm not welcome there. So with having no choice I packed a quick overnight bag(that he asks if I need help packing) and I go to his sister's and tell him that I will be overt in the morning to get some more of my clothes and what not. and I get this text from him: My dad just got off the phone with me, he said under no circumstances are you to be on his property without me being here. I need to know what the plan is tomorrow.(we house sit for his parents as they moved to another state) I now have no home. the feelings and thoughts that are going through my head now are unbearable. I really just want to take that knife and make that cut. end my pain. end my suffering. but I can't. I can't do it. I can't cuz them all the pain and suffering only gets passed on. passed on to my dad. my brother. my other family. my closest friends. yes it would end my pian but it would add to theirs. #Depression i #PTSD #CheckInWithMe #suicidalthoughtsandtendancies

#Depression
#Anxiety
#serious
#sensitivetopics #suicidalthoughtsandtendancies
Hi, I'd like some help. I am a guy in my mid teens and second year of high school. I have been suffering with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. I have also been bullied since around the third grade. I have four friends that i'd say i was close with. A few other people I can call friends but I wouldnt say were too close. The main reason I get bullied is that i'm a "gamer weeb" and most people think most of my time is spent sitting on the couch playing games or watching anime/reading manga. The guys call me names and hurt me and the girls stay well away from me. All the people around me, even my friends, are all moving on and making their own paths through life. Finding lovers, going to parties, getting jobs, ect. And no matter how much I try, I can't. I feel like i'm a burden to everyone. I told my friend about my depression and anxiety but it felt like he was giving fake sympathy. I'm not proud to admit but I have tried to take my life many times, but as you can tell by me writing this.. I stopped in the nick of time. I keep getting the feeling that I am supposed to be elsewhere. This feeling has lead to me exploring lucid dreaming and even forced sleep paralysis. Both things were terrible. During sleep paralysis I was attacked by a spider and lucid dreaming lead to me in a huge crowed being shuned and beaten by the people I called friends. This has lead to my wanting to distance myself from them. I don't want to go to a doctor. I don't wanna ask for help. I want to beat this alone, and it's probably due to my family not helping me when I was younger and making me do everything not just for them but for myself too. I've made my own food since early childhood, and never showered or shaved with any help. My hygiene could be better but I don't smell, I use deorderant and wash my hair and body. I'm a little overweight but not by a lot, only about twenty pounds. I can't really run due to asthema and this helps with the taunting and bullying. I just want to be important to people and be loved by someone. I just want to be happy and not this sad, depressed, lump of flesh I am now. I want to be able to protect my friends and find a passion in life to persue, but I need to relieve myself of these shackles caused by anxiety and depression. Please.. someone help me..