The Cops Were Called
Today is the first time the #Police were called on me for a #wellnesscheck . My husband had text my mother earlier in the day, and I even had let her know I was feeling emotionally sick and needed time away from things.
I felt suicidal, and my husband had sat with me and watched me and spent the whole day with me. I had no sharp objects, no phone to look at social media, no strings or wires or cords, ate with plastic fork and spoon on a paper plate, and followed all other protocols for at home care.
I made sure he followed me and sat right by the bathroom door when I had to go. I was not about to go to a facility that is in town that I had already reported to the state of #Florida for the conditions there. I now have been doing therapy trauma as a result of me being at that facility.
When someone like me feels suicidal to the degree that I have felt, it was more so a pull sensation, and often times would leave me to want to bang my fits on something or self harm because I was emotionally hurting so much. I have been down that road so many times.
I am not thinking those thoughts right now, nor do I feel that way anymore... But I am completely aware that I was triggered by recent events and that I have a very #serious problem. I talked with my husband about finding a retreat that offers therapy, yoga, nutrition classes, outdoor walks, and 24/7 care if I needed help. The mental health facilities in my area don't have spas or yoga or anything that can help treat a lower risk patient like myself.
My next #Therapy appointment is next week. And my doctor appointment is the same day. So I just want to make sure that I mention all of what has happened. I do not want to feel this way ever again... But with this disability #BipolarDepression I cannot guarantee that it will never throw me for a relapse.
The sad part is for me, which is also a good thing though is I am fully aware of what is right and wrong about what I am thinking when I feel that way.
Do you have any friendly advice?
I don't mind paying for the retreat, but I would like to find someplace to go where it is warm. Preferably here in the state of #Florida .