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How Spiritual and Energy Healing Helped Me After Suicide Loss

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Editor's Note

If you experience suicidal thoughts or have lost someone to suicide, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741741.

I am so lucky to have known such a wonderful person as my dear brother Jack and am so thankful for the 28 years we had spent together.

If there is ever a person I have seen who lived by the proverb “you get back up and try again,” it was him. I saw the pillar of strength in every action he took to fight for his life and work towards his goals and dreams, often defeated by his crushing anxiety, cocktail of prescription medications and the dark fog of depression that would sweep over him.

Never for a moment did I think I would lose the vision of my future without his presence, to lose hope in every present moment or question every minute detail of the past.

It is as if the world opened its jaws and swallowed every part of my existence.

Most suicide loss survivors will tell us that “a part of me died along with them,” because the nature of the reality is that we do. My identity was crushed, I no longer felt safe in the world and I saw nothing but pain in every area I looked. I thought a million times of joining him, but the one thing that always stopped me was to stay here for the good fight, leave a legacy behind for him and help towards the decrease of human suffering.

The passion for being the change I wished to see in the world outgrew the desperation to disappear.

I, like many, have had to work through many hard times in our lives, piece ourselves back together and later have seen how much we grew and evolved. But nothing could have prepared me for this journey. Nothing could have prepared me for the pain and torture that was felt physically, mentally and emotionally.

The times I spent with my head over the toilet being sick, isolating myself for weeks on end in my room, unable to care for myself, seeing my body deteriorate was my driving force to connect with others who were experiencing similarly.

The day my brother passed, I found myself instinctively looking for him in nature. I was hyper alert with all of my senses and was experiencing very out of body and mystical experiences, things I had never felt before. I had an innate knowing he was still around; this was not denial, this was a higher knowing that he was close and that what I assumed was death was not in fact what I had deemed it to be.

This feeling grew over the coming months. I would feel his presence, smell his scent, feel a weight like a blanket cuddling me, have rushes of adrenaline when he was around, hear him, see vibrant color flash before me; signs I was asking for were being sent to me. Everything I had believed was being validated time and time again.

The darkness I was sat in started to shed a little light, and I felt hope and desire to learn more and connect with him.

Much of what I was describing in grief counseling was disregarded. I was ushered back into the stages of grief. Sticking to this structure seemed to be the process I had signed up for and was living within the parameters of the five stages. I was longing to learn more about the spiritual aspect and was fascinated in learning how to reconnect to my brother.

I would do anything to learn his new invisible language. I was never going to give up on him and knowing he was around made it an obvious task to undertake.

It was from here I ventured out onto what ultimately saved my life. The path of spiritual and energy healing.

My gosh, did things start to shift as I delved into the non-material world of energy and spirit and learning the language of spirit and the universe.

Through holistic healing art forms such as shamanic breathwork, hypnotherapy, Gestalt therapy, quantum healing, meditation, frequency healing and more.

I was learning fast how to draw our two worlds together between the form and the formless, a journey of pure discovery and exponential growth as we drew ancient spirituality and modern-day science together.

In times of crisis our souls call out for change, and I found healing myself on all levels of body, mind and spirit. It was embarking on this path that not only did I learn how to self-heal, but I also learned how to reconnect to my brother by raising my frequency. If I had not taken this path, I am unsure of where I would be today.

I consider this path as the last gift from my beautiful brother. It was from transcending my pain into my purpose that I am now able to help and guide others along their road to recovery. Suicide rates climb fast and steady within the friends and family units after such a loss. The depths this pain can take us to is to crisis point.

The path of self-healing offers us choice, empowerment, hope and creation for the future. We each contain a very powerful healer within us; our bodies are filled with infinite intelligence and wisdom. It is with my hope that if you are suffering this loss and pain that you know you are not alone. You are a miraculous being who has the power to not only survive, but to thrive.

Originally published: June 7, 2021
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