I honestly dont know how much more life can possibly throw at me. My fiancé broke up with me, ended the tenancy so I ended up with 1 month to find somewhere, now in temp accommodation so far away from my support network and familiarites, council are being useless, new local council will take 4 months to sort Custom Domain by Bitly support, so likely will end up without food or in debt, unable to afford things to allow me have somewhat of a "normal" life (disability needs). And my ex and my step son (which he's apparently not anymore, known from 2- now 9), are off on holiday to Greece today! One min my ex seems like he stills cares and was saying he still loves me, then the next is saying his son isn't my step son anymore and ignoring/ avoiding me...its just messing with my head. I know in someways the break up was needed as he's avoidant AS and I'm anxious (moving to avoidant) AS. He's not interested in putting in the work, and I just feel like im not good enough or worth it. He says he knows he needs MH support, but I don't feel he'll ever actually seek support. Ive been seeing stuff on instagram about how if work is done, we can both become secure together
It makes me want to hold our hope and hopefully we can try again but also I want to become a secure AS myself and i know realistically i cant do that while still waiting for him, my mind is just so mixed, as i want both....I struggle with small changes, so all these changes just has my head spinning. Even how im reacting to the break up is different (been in counselling for four years) and I'm so confused by my reaction. I feel like I should be sat in a corner crying, but I'm just plodding along each day and feeling like im Masking. But I don't know how much more energy I have before I do break down. And im scared that I will break, as i really dont want too. But its also so confusing that im not and if i dont. Not necessarily asking for advice... just needed to write it all out.