alone

I have recently been diagnosed with epilepsy after having multiple seizures out of nowhere. This diagnosis has been very lonely as I don’t really understand it or why it happened to me and just no one understands. #Epilepsy #alone

It seems as though I feel shunned by so many people I want and need in my life. Here I am, all alone and just existing on this earth. Yes, I can take care of and support myself but honestly? It’s me, myself, and I navigating this world and not trusting anyone but myself day in and day out.

There’s my rant for the evening. #Depression #Overit #lonely #canttakeitanymore #alone #hurt

This is real! This is so painful when you figure it out! If you figure it out! I'm going to tell all of you a very private secret of mine. When I was 15 years old, I actually cut my face and said a strange person caught me in the girls bathroom, threw me againt a wall and pulled out something sharp and said he was going to ruin my pretty face. And went running out! I made it all up looking for my mother to love me, to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. She didn't.. It made the papers, nobody ever talked to us about it. So I'm not sure how, but my mom's affection I did not get. I never hurt myself again... #CPTSD #Anxiety #Depression #Abuse #alone #hated

I really can’t fathom this beyond selfish, uncaring, disappointing, disgusting world we live in. I try to stay as POSITIVE as possible; however day by day it’s just becoming basically impossible. In what kind of a world do you go see your GP for an underlying condition that’s been going on for months now and is just getting worse and more severe and get treated as if you don’t matter, you’re not important and rudely get rushed and rushed when you’re trying to explain everything that’s been going on due to being scared shitless and ridden with anxiety 24/7 that something is most def wrong. What kind of a world is it okay for a Dr to not listen to your lungs or heart, doesn’t check your ears, throat or lymph nodes under your jaw when everything needs to be ruled out due to the symptoms you’re experiencing. No bedside manner, no empathy not even a care in the world that I’m in constant excruciating pain 24/7 legit hysterically crying to him due to the pain I’ve been dealing with for 4 straight months now. I went in with the hopes of being treated like a human being, instead it was like I was just a number and a code to be paid for. How is it right for your own Dr you’ve been seeing for years now is just talking crap under his breath saying “I have to leave” and rushing me out the door when I was in the middle of a conversation. I completely understand how busy Drs can be, I am a board certified Ophthalmic Scribe; so I know how a patient is supposed to be treated. He also interrupted me abruptly and said that I was on a medication that I don’t take lightly and I haven’t been on it for over 8/9 years, what an INSULT that was!! So what you can’t even look at my chart to see what meds I’m on?!? What are you doing the whole time your back is turned to me then?? Mind you, an assistant brings you in first and is supposed to go over your meds & history and she couldn’t even do her job, like what?!? I was being belittled the entire time and he didn’t “like” the questions I was asking, WTF? Hello, it’s my body and I am the one that has to deal with it on a daily basis, I DESERVE to ask as many questions as I want, how dare you say or act otherwise?!? Since he was I guess “aggravated”at my questions, he abruptly kept answering with only yes or no answers. I asked if there was anyway I still had an infection that didn’t go away and he again said abruptly “NO” without even examining me?!? How is this right in any way, shape or form? It’s NOT!! I asked him for a refill on a medication for my migraines that mind you in the past year, I’ve only received 1 prescription with 15 tablets, not even a months worth, just 1 all year!! It’s the only medication that decreases my pain and allows me to get some stuff done, instead of being bedridden for days on end. He “didn’t” like that I asked so he kept rushing & rushing me out the door, got up like a damn CHILD basically running out the door, what is that s***?! There was no ending to our appointment, no “I’ll call you when the labs come in, or do you want to make a follow up appointment, no goodbye NOTHING!!! I went in deathly scared and left even more scared than I’ve ever been. It could be my heart, my kidneys, my circulation or vascular. That is not to take lightly at all!! I am so beyond frustrated and hurt, mad, sad, dissatisfied, disappointed, misunderstood and filled with many unknowns. I was grown up with the “Golden Rule”; you treat people the way YOU want to be treated & I live by that and it’s absolutely disgusting that even a Dr can’t give you the time of day or the care and help you desperately need. These Drs are getting away with way to much unacceptable, inappropriate and unprofessional behaviors and actions. Yes I will admit I was running 10 mins behind due to traffic, however I called b/c it’s the right thing to do and was told “Don’t rush, weren’t not busy”. If there’s anything I’m guilty of is being to nice of a person and caring about people more then I should, I always give everyone the benefit of the doubt due to you never knowing what someone is truly going through and yet it slaps me in the face every damn time, it’s so sad to say the least. They say “reach out if you need help”, “Don’t hesitate, we’re here to help” or what have you. You do whatever means necessary to advocate for yourself and it gets you no where 😥. All I am trying to do is find out what is wrong with me so I can hopefully get my life back, I guess that’s to much to ask, idk anymore 🤷🏻‍♀️ #fedup #overwhelmed #BipolarDepression #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #IBS #dontknowwhattodo #alone #ChronicPain

I find myself fantasizing about the best way to go, I want to give up, but I’m not a quitter

I’m depressed but I do have happy days

I’m lonely but I love my 3 best friends, they love me too?

I’m heartbroken, but my boyfriend says he loves me.

I’m burnt out, but I love my job.

I’m anxious, I’m functioning perfectly

Im overwhelmed but I can take a little bit more

Most days I can’t sleep, but I did have a perfect night yesterday.
I’m grieving, but that was over5 years ago

I’m an alcoholic, but I can go days or months without thinking about it.

I’m strong but today I’m breaking down

I should be grateful, they say, it will all go away.

#conflicting thoughts, #numb , #alone ?