alone

Feelings of worthlessness, uncertainty, unappreciated, ways heavy on my mind, body and spirit. I know I’m needed in ways that’s shown sometimes by others but I feel pointless a lot more than anything else. I’m 39 and I have nothing that’s worth living for I barely believe for my kid’s sake anymore and that bothers me badly because they’re the only reason I’m alive 😔. I don’t have a home of my own, can’t find a job for the life of me, applied for cash assistance keeps getting denied mind you I have nothing, nothing at all to my name so why?? I’m so depressed, my body aches often, my mind is deteriorating slowly but surely I can’t remember something I just read or seen so I’m not even confident enough I’ll get the job if given an opportunity. I just don’t know what to do or where to go, I can’t seem to get insurance either so a therapist is out of the question lol. Sorry just needed to vent my feelings somewhere 😔🥹 #MajorDepressiveDisorder #alone #Depression #ChronicFatigue #tired

Hi, I'm SkyeLight, 25 and undiagnosed. I'm here to not feel alone #alone #Undiagnosed

Hi, my name is Mandaloo.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Migraine #Fibromyalgia #PTSD #ADHD #Grief #Dystonia #sensoryverload #Isolation #Loneliness #alone #hypervigilant
Lastly looking for connection, with others, talking to myself isn't helping, when I made the decision to stay home and focus finally on myself, learning to love myself, set boundaries, trying to figure out who I really am, for at least 30yrs, I was a people pleaser, didn't know that I could have boundaries, and I love my mom,but I went through hell, she passed away in 2013, and I was 36yrs old, and actually until around 2015, at 38yrs old,I finally got courage to stand up for myself and I finally felt like I was an adult. But I'm stuck in a way of still trying to figure out who I really am, what do I actually like, or rather find and be my true #weirdautenicself

i literally dont c a lot of peepl with walkin aides #alone

I have a vivid memory of a time not so long ago which birthed the bane of my existence. It was the end of a dreadful college day, nothing out of the ordinary, or so I thought. As I entered my college bus I had encountered an old friend of mine accompanied by her college companion. As my friend and I conversed for a moment, her friend had briefly interjected during which we had exchanged pleasantries. This was the beginning of the moment where something inside me shattered. She had told me that she had found me to be scary to which I felt rather insulted. Let me be abdundantly clear: we had never met before nor have I ever given her cause to think otherwise. I tend to bury myself in music, a fortress that keeps the harsh realities of this world at bay, drowning out the voices telling me I don't belong. Granted such a remark may be trivial, however I am no ordinary person.Paranoia follows my every waking moment, mistrust poisons my thoughts and self-consciousness remains a burden, heavy. I have accepted that I will only ever be labeled as a hideous monster, but this broke something inside of me. In that moment, I had come to the dull realisation that if an absolute stranger saw me to be something scary, this hideous thing, how dare I hold onto the hope of someone loving something like me. And the worst part is that I am afraid that she may be right. I see others experiencing a love that I will never know, and every time I am reminded that I will never look anything like those who have what I have always craved. That moment awakened something in me, an old warrior, scarred from battles old. I have walked through darkness, alone, for as long as I can remember and I have found comfort in my scars. Henceforth, I will forge a new path of my own, for the sole purpose of my survival in a world which will never see me as one of their own. I am my own monster and I shall do what is necessary to ensure my survival.

#Depression #ugly #tired #alone #survival

I honestly dont know how much more life can possibly throw at me. My fiancé broke up with me, ended the tenancy so I ended up with 1 month to find somewhere, now in temp accommodation so far away from my support network and familiarites, council are being useless, new local council will take 4 months to sort Custom Domain by Bitly support, so likely will end up without food or in debt, unable to afford things to allow me have somewhat of a "normal" life (disability needs). And my ex and my step son (which he's apparently not anymore, known from 2- now 9), are off on holiday to Greece today! One min my ex seems like he stills cares and was saying he still loves me, then the next is saying his son isn't my step son anymore and ignoring/ avoiding me...its just messing with my head. I know in someways the break up was needed as he's avoidant AS and I'm anxious (moving to avoidant) AS. He's not interested in putting in the work, and I just feel like im not good enough or worth it. He says he knows he needs MH support, but I don't feel he'll ever actually seek support. Ive been seeing stuff on instagram about how if work is done, we can both become secure together
It makes me want to hold our hope and hopefully we can try again but also I want to become a secure AS myself and i know realistically i cant do that while still waiting for him, my mind is just so mixed, as i want both....I struggle with small changes, so all these changes just has my head spinning. Even how im reacting to the break up is different (been in counselling for four years) and I'm so confused by my reaction. I feel like I should be sat in a corner crying, but I'm just plodding along each day and feeling like im Masking. But I don't know how much more energy I have before I do break down. And im scared that I will break, as i really dont want too. But its also so confusing that im not and if i dont. Not necessarily asking for advice... just needed to write it all out.

#distractme#lifes little joys#gratitude#alone Picked my second lemon cucumber this afternoon -friday the 18th.

#grieving # empty #depressed#alone last few weeks have been pretty unmanageable for me. No Home care worker, lost another nurse, birth family crap.

I've called the Oregon Warmline many times in these weeks and months for 20 minutes chat with a peer.