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Break up and miscommunication

I’m in a situation where my relationship ended with somone I believe that I truly love. And I’m trying to prevent myself since long time to not message the person i love, I do feel alone and I need help, but I think I’m heavy in her life which makes me stay away. I’m too sad and I cry so much for many days. I know she might date someone soon, but I can’t do anything to stop that. I wanted time in my life to be able to make for us but I was not ready to say to her to stay. But why I have to say to her to stay and I’m scared to fail her. Can’t she stay with me, and we fix things together. Why when it reach an end I have to say stay. When I also know and hear words that I cause her pain. The story is very complicated and she is also on this app. I love her but I can’t reach her anymore. She does not want me that’s how I feel.
#Depression #Relationships #Love #alone

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It's a bring the hair dryer in the bath kind of life.

#ctpsd #BPD #Trauma 👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽 Let's see if you could be me.I need you to imagine having borederline personality disorder and living in a world where nothing makes sense and you have very little understanding of the human race because you don't believe how people treat each other matches your internal content of what you believe to be right, just, moral. Also imagine you feel everything a thousand fold of the rest of the world and that not only do others hate you for it but you hate yourself for it too. Imagine growing up ostracized, neglected and never being socialized. Could you imagine the loneliness?Confusion?Fear of people? Living off of hope alone? Wondering if there's even 1 person on earth like you? Broken like you? 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

Could you imagine 37 years of people leaving you? Using you? Rejecting you without ever knowing why? Can you put yourself in my shoes of "existing with the pain" instead of living a life? 🧬 🧬 Doesn't sound so good does it? Being afraid of life because you don't know how to live it. Wanting the pain to stop but being afraid of death. Hoping that one day someone will meet you, actually see you and like or love you? The love you see everyone around recieve. Praying to a god you don't believe in per se so hard to send you an angel to save you because simply don't have anywhere to belong? A life always on the outside looking in? Regretting you were ever born? Never understanding "why"? Can you picture it? Comprehend the low quality of life?💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

Now can you imagine how things could ever get worse? That a time would come where your past trauma's were a picnic compared to what life is about to put you through with zero warning of just how awful people can truly be? Blindsided completely. Targeted so intensively that you believed God must be real because he really did send you the "angel you prayed for?“🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Social phobia disorder, BPD and for f*** sakes now diagnosed with C-TPSD in adulthood is my story💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

NO MATTER HOW PAINFUL TODAY IS TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, THINGS CAN ALWAYS GET SO MUCH WORSE THAN YOU COULD EVER KNOW. SO BE GREATFUL FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO HAVE EVEN IF IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE MUCH IT COULD ALWAYS BE TAKEN FROM YOU 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 #kmn #why #Evil #dying #Loss #changed #nothingness #stolen #grooming #unfair #alone

That's how I went from living with BPD to something far far more painful.🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🪦🥀🥀🥀HERE LIES THE ME I USED TO BE🥀🥀🥀

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Living in the in between

I believe we all live in the gray- there is no normal just perception. I allowed others to write my narrative for my entire life, reality hit me like a truck. Living w #MajorDepressiveDisorder is like the birds in the photo flying feverishly away from the storm on the horizon but regardless of how sunny the days are you are always aware of the storm on the horizon so you learn to fly in the in between as best as you can. Some days the #Anxiety alone of the storm can block the sunshine #alone #Drowning

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Alone

I just feel so empty and alone I don’t want to harm myself but I don’t want to keep waking up with this pain in my chest, mind racing, obsessing over things I can’t control . #alone #Depression #Addiction #Anxiety #MentalHealth

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Outsider?…

Last night I met up with his old group of friends, 2/4 were his closest and I’ve only known 1 of them for quite a long time now… since he passed on, that one friend has been pushing me away and telling everyone not to let me around to chill… I’m hurt, very hurt but it is what it is. I hope they realize that how they are treating me is not what my partner would have wanted, he would have wanted them to treat me differently and watch over me as good as he did… he literally called them his brothers💔 I mean I can’t be too upset about this because it probably hurts them just as much to be around me without him, to see me looking lost and alone… but at least be putting some kind of effort or something you know? They don’t bother to message me or anything, they laugh and don’t even care to talk with me or talk about good ole memories. I know it hurts but damn we need to have those conversations with each other about him, we all need a little bit more of comfort and love that my partner always brought upon everyone.
#alone #lost #depressed #MentalHealth #Anxiety #PTSD #Trauma #Suicide #lonely #Grief #healingjourney

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I'm blue

For a long while I've changed my life to leave and transcend the past I have endured.
Then quiet recently in a professional setting I've made these changes for the abiding reasons.
This particular employee made this sacred information know to a primary person that gave me a lot of pain.
I'm devastated. #CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Pain #Depression #Grief #alone

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Making doctor appointments alone #alone #neurologist #BackPain

It’s tough doing ALL of my medical care alone. Seeing a neurosurgeon again. Hoping for new technologies to treat painful spine opportunities #neurospinesurgeon #Scoliosis #Arthritis #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #sciatica #musclespasms #HerniatedDisc #DDD #BackPain

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Good heart is a blessing not a curse..

Hey I am new here
I don't know what brings me here but the one thing I always wanna know is that is having an emotional heart is a bad thing? Why people always bullied those who cries often only cause they have a good heart? Well I am the one I suffered alot in my relationship or friendship or I guess that's the reason I don't have friends...
#alone

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Anxiety about Therapy. #Anxiety #Depression #MentalHealth #Therapy #Grief #alone #PTSD

Does anyone else have a hard time going to therapy because of the extra anxiety it causes? I always walk out feeling more depressed/anxious which in turn makes me not want to go back.

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