hurt

Just to make sad
#sad

It seems as though I feel shunned by so many people I want and need in my life. Here I am, all alone and just existing on this earth. Yes, I can take care of and support myself but honestly? It’s me, myself, and I navigating this world and not trusting anyone but myself day in and day out.

There’s my rant for the evening. #Depression #Overit #lonely #canttakeitanymore #alone #hurt

Healer Pains

Full of Anger and rage
Feeling like I’m a animal locked in a cage
My nature is so misunderstood
Perhaps it’s time to move on from the hood
But I Love my independent city
Even though the committee ain’t take no pity

Isolated and assets frozen
Although they don’t yet know I’m part of God’s chosen
Treated like a hardcore criminal
My poem are definitely subliminal
If you know me, you’ll get it
Ain’t the usual one to quit

I walked away for self protection
So, wouldn’t be forced into flexion
Straight forward as it can be
Though I did flee, At least I’m free
Self love is a priority
Even if I ain’t in the majority

That don’t stop us from doing as we please
Perhaps, why I’m a narcissist that is to be put in a freeze
From trauma and vulnerabilities we came up,
Banged up, beat up - yet we still worked hard and built up
So, why the hate?
And all the jealousy mate?
Took you for free spins and fed you during your worst

You were injured and I was the one to bring you back to health and nursed
And now I’m cursed?
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you
One day, you gotta regret it my boo
True love, acceptance and understanding- heck, gave even my soul
Now, all this hurt masking as anger and making feel like a burning coal

Quite the toll, though I thought your love was free
Then, why the hefty fee?
Anger and rage on the front
Amidst a manhunt
Hurt and grief under the front
Perhaps, nows the time to get blunt

Yes, I am fucked up
And the only one who saved me is my pup
You were right, I was stupid
The only mistake I made was chasing Cupid
Don’t know my story yet think they know all
Destroying me so I forget to walk and can barely even crawl

Malicious prosecution and defamation
Think it’s a game of persuasion
It’s nothing more than a crime
To prevent me from the social and corporate climb
You think I forgot, that’s cute
I never forget a learned friend dispute

You know I’m better than you
And that’s a strong fact that’s more than just true
Don’t let simple nature and humble attitude fool you into arrogance
You caused me to lose my soul and become spiritless
The student is now the master
Now that deserves a round of applause and laughter

Karma is a mogul’s game
And though I don’t care for the fame, it ain’t gonna stop me from bringing the claim
Justice is overdue, stayed quiet for too long
Have come closer to being proven wrong
My only regret, had I spoken earlier
I would be worthier

Money is important but my people are my assets
They are the ones to get my out of bad debts
Got my back because we init for ride or die
They ain’t no supply, they real niggas on which we can rely
Now that’s a fact you cannot deny
My team here for the full and permanent long haul

And although right now, I’m back at the stage of crawl
I got the mindset and approach to stay resilient
Cuz I found out way too late that I’m more than just brilliant
Genius and gifted talent, that’s God’s chosen
So, let me give you a glimpse of my life in slow-motion
Watch out cuz this girl’s a tornado, not to be tamed

She won’t remain for much longer chained
It’s time to break free
And I think that’s something y’all agree #heartbreak #Love #Pain #growth #soulpain #selfhelp #SelfHealing #writings #Journaling #feelings #Emotions #validation #hurt #Grief #Loss #Rejection #abandonment #social isolation #punishment #Karma #sins #good #bad

LIFE CAN BE TOUGH, WHEN YOU'VE LOST A LOVE YOU RESENT LIFE ITSELF,
WHEN THEY FLOAT ABOVE
OH OUR HEART BREAKS
WE CAN HARDLY BREATHE
HURT OVERWHELMS US SADLY IT NEVER LEAVES

WHEN WILL IT GET BETTER, YOU ASK AGAIN AND AGAIN
THOUGH THE PAIN STILL KEEPS GOING ON,YOU'LL NEVER BE THE SAME
YOU'VE LOST SOMEONE WHO WAS YOUR WORLD, NOTHING CAN BE DONE

NOT AS EASY AS THEY SAY
TIME NEVER HEALS NO ONE
AN ANGEL YOU’RE SEEKING
FEW FEATHERS TO APPEAR
SIGN YOUR STILL NEAR
TEARS THEY NEVER STOP
EVEN WHILE YOU SLEEP
TEARS THEY RUN SO DEEP

OH IM BROKEN & HURT JUST CANT TAKE ANYMORE
I DONT KNOW HOW TO BE
FEELINGS HARD TO IGNORE
REMEMBERING THE TIMES
WHEN WE KISSED BYE BYE
AS YOU DROVE AWAY WE LOVINGLY LOCKED EYES

I’m walking through a very tough situation. Please pray for me. My job fell through and is now a legal matter. I must move because I have no income. I cannot understand why this is happening. My heart aches.

#hurt #Disappointed

I’ve been struggling in my marriage for a while. My husband is really cruel and hostile about my many illnesses. I’m went on disability in 2015 when I finally got approved after fighting for it for a year. When we got together I was a strong independent creative woman who was self sufficient and working. Having to go on disability has been hard enough but my husband who’s supposed to be my parter and my main support is the exact opposite. He is bitter about my illnesses and many times he’s downright cruel and hateful. He has said things like I use my illness as an excuse, a crutch and a convience when it suits me. That when I don’t want to do something I’m suddenly too sick but when it’s something I want to do I suddenly feel much better. He says I complain too much which is actually what prompted me to join The Mighty so I could have a safe place to talk about my struggles. I’m to the point I don’t even want to mention when I have a headache or anything else because it will be complaining. Today I had a dizzy spell and he said “There’s always something wrong.” I told him it was a crappy thing to say and it hurt my feelings and he just said “Well it’s the truth”. This next part may be TMI but we haven’t been intiment in two years and when I tried to talk to him about it he said “It’s really hard to get turned on by someone who always feels bad and complains all the time.” At one point I even contacted a divorce attorney even though I’m terrified of how I’d make it without him but felt that would be better then staying with someone who feels the way he does about me. I love my husband but I don’t know what to do about his lack of support and his resentment of me. I feel completely stuck and frustrated and just plain hurt. What do you do when the one person you are supposed to be able to count on the most, who’s supposed to be your rock is so crappy to you about something you’d give anything to change but can’t be helped? I feel totally lost. #hurt

I just saw a poll on #TheMighty . An innocent question was asked: how awesome do you see yourself? My emotions instantly activated. First, my eyes instantly moistened as something in the question had hit a tender spot in me. But I then switched gears by stoically telling myself, “Only God can fit this definition.”

After that thought entered my mind, I realized I had just tried to deflect my insecurities by over spiritualizing the innocent question. This is obviously a flawed defense mechanism. Yet I still question if I can qualify myself as being awesome simply because words pertaining to worship towards God often include the awesomeness associated with the “Great I AM.”

Outside of the flaws in my emotional makeup due to past hurts, as a redeemed person, can I honestly see myself, a saved “wretch like me,” as the hymn states, as someone who is awesome? #TheMighty #Christians , any thoughts?