hurt

Join the Conversation on
2.5K people
0 stories
190 posts
  • Explore Our Newsletters
  • What's New in
    All
    Stories
    Posts
    Videos
    Latest
    Trending
    Post
    See full photo

    How do I forgive the intangible but very insidious emotional grief, pain and suffering I experienced since childhood? #Depression #Anxiety #HSP

    I’m having difficulty with forgiveness right now. I listened to a YouTube video with the title “Grief - Pathway to Forgiveness”

    I have so much to say I could not just reply the the post on forgiveness last week.

    I had listened to that video hoping I would literally get some easy steps in how to forgive. Insteas it listed emotions associated with undisguised grief. Until I saw the list I didn’t even realize I was holding onto these emotions and they were blocking my ability to forgive.

    For me until I let myself grieve for what created those feelings it would be very difficult to forgive those who caused them. “I need to grieve for what I deserved and didn’t get”. “For what I got and didn’t deserve”. This is not straight forward at all. Especially as I know grief is not linear.

    Being raised by narcissists I was so disconnected to the point I consistently dissociated away from all feelings. So until I saw that list I couldn’t have articulated any of them for to anyone. I could try to explain and justify why I developed that strategy but I’m so tired. Tired of trying to prove that being gaslighted and scapegoated back to my earliest memory created so much difficulty, and suffering. This impacted my whole childhood up to this day. I literally accepted this treatment as “normal” until very recently. After years of therapy, emotional pain and suffering. This impacted every single friendship, romantic relationships and my work. It wasn’t even just my parents who gaslighted and scapegoated me. My 3 older siblings did too.

    How do forgive 5 people who chose staying in their own denial so they could pretend they are all at peace at my expense. For years I was made to feel from anyone I ever had the courage to share my feelings, thoughts and perspective of my lived experiences. All got was more gaslighting and bullying. Unfortunately this made so vulnerable to others who had any level of a narcissistic personality style. In some cases unintentionally from people who thought toxic positivity was a cure to fix decades of what essentially was brainwashing. In my case I was brainwashed that I don’t matter. Doubting myself 24/7 about everyone and everything. Constantly accusing me that I was always blowing everything out of proportion, just being too sensitive and essentially made to feel I was making everything up. That how I experienced my life was figments, distortions

    It is not easy or straightforward to forgive this. Even though I understand intellectually forgiveness is supposed to bring me peace and not to give my family a free pass for how badly they hurt me. Especially none of them are even willing to allow for any kind of healthy communication. I only get more and more gaslighting and scapegoating. #hurt #angry #sad #Dissapointed #shamed #gaslight narcisstic abuse survivor #scapegoated

    27 reactions 9 comments
    Post
    See full photo

    Pain That knows

    #Depression #Anxiety #GenderDysphoria #MentalHealth #transformation #rebirth #Rise

    A long time ago in a far far far far distance from where we are today there was this person who was neither alive more dead. This person never felt the same nave felt included or connected with the people around them. This person would do what is expected and would put on that smile wear that hat 🎩 or that hat 🧢 well maybe that hat 👒 so as to blend or fit in until the time when IT was time to move on and try again. The emotional damage built over time IT really did. So much so that the person #disassociated #DID or as the person who explains #Dis #Divergent #Identity #Spectrum . The person didn’t feel real lived in #Autopilot mode and #DID what was expected of them. #Numbess #hurt #Pain #sorrow #Loneliness #Sadness #abandonment and yes #homelessness .

    #transformation from a spiritual perspective and a physical perspective is a profound experience that changes your perception. When you have read the bible searched through Google and endured countless hours of counseling you realize #It . IT is what IT is isn’t IT. #please choose you. #please choose your present. #please choose your path. When you do not choose #you to be who you are others do.

    #Transition ended the cycle.

    This person sacrificed their life so that a new life could be! Now #free in #2023 this person has hope and a life that is full of love in so many different ways. The love this person has is #Selflove #SelfIdenty #Selfcare and yes #SpiritualLove .

    No longer dose the person stare in the mirror 🪞 trying to see someone else. No now the person sees someone who is actually looking back at them. That person smiles! That person is happy! That person dose what makes them an individual!

    We are all different and we all are special in so many ways so please 🙏 know there are better days!

    #yournotalone #YourWorthy #yourlifematters

    12 reactions 3 comments
    Post

    Dear bad pain day

    What can I say about this bad pain day except im #Humbled to be in your presence. Am I startled and #hurt that you are here? Absolutely. Do I wish you were gone? 100% for sure.

    In spite of that, today, I'm #choosing to #learn from you.

    You see, I know I won't be able to do much today. However, I still have a house to maintain. I still have a dog to take care of. I still have to take care of #Myself .

    You see, I choose to take this #painful #experience and try to see what all I can do on this day, knowing it won't be much if anything at all. I still walk today with the mindset of how much can I achieve on a day like today?

    Not all days will be this rough, but as of today, I have #Hope .

    May your days shine bright with hope 💜

    13 reactions 5 comments
    Post

    Black Dog

    George Bernard Shaw said, “A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, ‘The one I feed the most’.”#Trauma #Love #TheMighty #MightyTogether #Lonliness #Sadness #Depression #Lonliness #self #Friends #Family #sad #Emotion #Life #MakeMeLaugh #Shame #Guilt #suffering #Pain #hurt #struggle #Happiness #peace #MightyMinute

    10 reactions 4 comments
    Post

    Self Imposed Prison - Trapped in my own mind

    When my world came crashing down, I was forced to find my way in the world. Every bad decision I made altered the course of my life. I was stuck in a rut as my father described it. Unfortunately for me; it was much worse than that.

    The rut was one thing and the need to pull myself out of it was ever present. Sadly the rut was only the beginning of a life-time of negative emotions and regret. I wish I could have experienced the trauma and continued with a positive attitude and I did attempt to forget about the people who hurt me. No matter how hard I tried to forget and move on I was stuck reliving the trauma over and over again.

    Angry, sadness and revenge continuously played on my mind. As time has passed I just wanted some closure from the incident as it is forever haunting me. Even an apology would make me feel a little better instead I am stuck in self-loathing and misery while the people who hurt me continue on as though nothing happened.

    While everyone my age was having a good time and enjoying their youth, I would spend each weekend isolating in my room. Weekends trying to forget what happened to me with the help of marijuana. I was my own worst enemy, imprisoned and desperate for a solution. Just like everything else in my life - I was looking for an easy fix. An easy fix which I am still looking for to this day

    I have come to realise that trauma will be ever present in my life. It has become a part of me whether I like it or not. The victim mindset has plagued me for years and I need to make a change. I need to let go of the negativity and anger once and for all.

    #Recovery #PTSD #Depression #selfmedicate #Sadness #Pain #hurt #suffering #Addiction #Hatred #Jealousy #anger #despair #gloom #Doom #Love #Support #TheMighty #MightyTogether #Friendship #Family #people #places #things #control #Emotion #sad #feelingbetter #Slowly #Survivor #illness #struggle #adversity #Sabotage #selfawareness #Reflection

    8 reactions 3 comments
    Post

    Anger Problems

    I get very angry because I am frustrated at my own decisions. I beat myself up about the friends I kept and how they took advantage of me. I don't know why I am so angry when my mum is just trying to help. I think it's more to do with the fact I don't want these problems and I should never have to deal with them in the first place.

    I kept bad company in my late teens and was getting into a lot of trouble. I need to remind myself that none of the decisions I made are my mothers fault - I need to start taking ownership of my own life. I was involved with the wrong crowd and I have to accept that nothing positive comes from that type of existence. I know it is difficult to come to terms with and I am deeply sorry for my decisions.

    I want to stop getting angry at my mother and stop blaming her for all the negative events that were inevitably going to occur. I was not cut out for that life and my parents were trying to warn me before anything happened to me. Luckily I managed to survive without any major life changing events but I am left with the mental trauma that I am not equipped to deal with.

    I need to stop getting angry and start living life on my terms. My time on this planet is not perfect and the decisions I make merely reflect an imperfect life.

    #PTSD #anger #Depression #Sadness #Drugs #Addiction #Guilt #Friends #association #nobody #empty #assualt #Trauma #Pain #hurt #betrayal #lies #Truth #hate #End #time #Life #Happiness #dreams #Love #Positivity #Support #Love #Rage #control

    9 reactions 3 comments
    Post

    Intrusive thoughts which infect the mind

    I have a intrusive thoughts which infect my mind and make it difficult to concentrate. They start the minute I wake up and do not cease until I go back to sleep. I have many hobbies and try to keep my mind occupied but the evil thoughts replay over and over.

    When I was physically assaulted over ten years ago I never thought that I would continue to experience flashbacks and trauma from the incident. I have been in fights before and thought it would become another distant memory of something unfortunate. My experience has been completely different and I am stuck in a never ending loop of sorrow and pity.

    The attack causes me major mental health issues that I can't move on from. I am stuck in a negative cycle of pain and suffering. The image of the attack repeats in my mind. I see the faceless images of multiple attackers and the fear of reliving the incident is ever present. I am afraid of what's in store for me as I battle to focus on what's important.

    It is difficult to describe the incident as it involves anger, betrayal and resentment. The only thing I know for sure is that it leaves me empty and insecure. These people purposefully sought to hurt me and they were successful.

    I hate to say it but my mental health has deteriorated to the point where I am miserable. I hate my life and I am aware of the holes I keep digging are damaging me further. I blame my mother and father for a lot of my problems whether it is their fault or not. They did their best but had unrealistic expectations and when I was unable to achieve the impossible goals they had set for me I spiralled in to a deep depression.

    This depression has followed me for years and the more I let it control my life - the more pain it causes me. I have never dealt with any of the negative emotions that fill my mind. I bottled everything up and pretended I was fine. I am at the point where I don't see anything improving and I want to hurt the few people I have left.

    I really wish I could end on something positive but my life has become a merry go round of pain, sorrow and regret. I hate myself in more ways than one and I need help but the road to recovery is fraught with feelings of guilt and resentment.

    EDIT: I am fully aware that my posts are very much a pity party. I am hurting inside and just desperately want to feel better.

    #Depression #Misery #Sadness #hurt #Pain #TheMighty #MightyTogether #MentalHealth #feelings #unhappy #Relationships #Friendship #Love #Trauma #PTSD #challenges #Life #Death #advertisy #friend #peace #Emotion #flasback #Lettinggo #scar #regret #compassion #Thoughts #Mindfulness #Anxiety #reserved #Respect #peace

    10 reactions 6 comments
    Post

    BPD relationship advice

    I have recently been diagnosed with BPD. Me and my boyfriend have had horrible fights but the thing I was scared the most was my diagnosis being used as an insult during our discussions or used to shame me... and that has happened unfortunately. He sent me screenshots of some forum where they wrote that nobody can be happy in a relationship with a BPD person and that is just going to be hell. It was so hurtful to read he would seek this kind of advice. Is it really like this? Does anyone have some tips to help me having a better relationship? I am so tired of feeling like a monster and a horrible person. I also would like my partner to understand me instead of putting me down. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPDDiagnosis #Love #Relationships #hurt

    22 reactions 11 comments
    Post

    How to deal with abuse from a family member?

    When you have to try to ignore hurtful comments, or verbal abuse, I can’t live independently sadly for now, though I love them it’s a hard dynamic.
    Thanks #Abuse #Family #Stress #Holidays #verbal #Depression #hurt #hardtimes #Advice

    6 reactions 4 comments
    Post

    I don’t have many friends and I’m really lonely I used to message my partner all the time and I guess became codependent would anyone be my friend?

    Hi sorry I’m going through a tough time everything in life is wrong right now and I’m just trying to survive and start from zero again. Would anyone be ok being friends or checking in on each other from time to time ? DM Chat or comments ? Thank you if you don’t mind, I’m really struggling and need to reach out for help,

    Gonna do my best to check out counselling if free or something I could afford as I’m unemployed and struggle to keep a job. Thank you for any kind words or anyone who doesn’t mind checking on each other everyone now and then. It would mean a lot during this hard time. Thank you everyone, and any help really means so much. #Selflove #Trying #Pain #inpain #Crisis #Tryinghard #hurt #anger #disappoinent #Unexpected #breakup #notcopingwell #ThankYou #lonely #friend #praying #hopeallworksout #ThankYou #reminders #Anxiety #Trying #future #Fear #Pain #Depression #help #self -help #needtobestrong #counselling #reachout #cheerup #DistractMe #needafriend

    19 reactions 10 comments